Shattered Glass
by SuddenlySandi
Summary: Edward is a happy go lucky college student with a painful past. Bella is living her personal nightmare and he wants to help. He fights to save her only to end up needing her to save him. A story by SDFreeze AH
1. Chapter 1

Name: Shattered Glass

Author: Sdfreeze

Chapter 1

**Characters belong to Stephenie Meyer**

* * *

Chapter: 1

I sat with my head down, letting my hair fall to obscure my face, refusing to make eye contact with anyone. I didn't want to be in this class, it was a requirement for graduation. The majority of the class was male, always on the prowl, and not what I needed in my life at this time. I was putting in my time just to receive the piece of parchment saying I was suddenly qualified to do something for life.

I glanced at the clock to see it was moving at a mind numbing pace, and couldn't help but sigh from the pain monotony was bringing.

"Hey," a young man called out to me.

I turned to see a tall, pale man, with haunting eyes, sitting next to me staring. I didn't respond, only held his gaze until he finally spoke.

"You want to be lab partners?"

I shook my head back and forth quickly, causing him to frown. He wasn't used to being told no, and it surprised him. I was not in the mood for some pretty boy's temper tantrum and braced myself for the onslaught of choice words he would call me.

"Why?" he asked.

"Ask someone else," I said before going back to my book.

"I asked you," he pushed.

I sighed and kept my eyes down before shaking my head back and forth. He wasn't being rude, but he was being persistent. I guess I was going to have to be the one to be rude.

"Is there something wrong with me?" he chuckled.

"I'm sure there is, but that is not why I won't be your partner. I work alone," I clarified.

"Are you listening? The professor said we have to choose partners," he added with a little more force.

"Fine, be my partner, but I work alone."

He didn't speak and I finally lifted my head to look at him. He was smiling, with a funny crooked smile I am sure was meant to melt my heart. "Oh please," I said as I rolled my eyes.

"I'm a straight A student, you would be lucky to have me as a partner," he laughed.

"Are you saying I look stupid?" As soon as the words left my mouth I wanted to take them back. I didn't care what he meant; I just wanted him to go away.

"No," he laughed again, "just unlucky."

Boy, that was an understatement. My full name should be Unlucky Bella Swan; the girl fate had chosen to screw over in life. I was trying to take control of my situation and plan for something better. The last thing I needed was some smooth talking Romeo to tell me how lucky I would be to have him as a partner.

"Listen, Rico Suave, I'm sure there are plenty brain-dead blond bombshells for you to talk the panties off of, so please get on with it and leave me alone."

He laughed loudly and it angered me that he found my remark funny. It was meant as anything but funny. I scooted my chair over to be further from him and went back to my reading.

"Hey," he called out again, but I kept my head down.

"Hey, Elvira," he chuckled.

I still refused to answer and he began moving his chair closer to mine. My head spun around, and I stuck out my arm to keep him from invading my space.

"Are you mentally deficient," I said hatefully.

"I told you I am an A student," he announced.

"So, you're an idiot savant?"

His head fell back in laughter and it almost made me smile. He was much more dangerous than I originally thought and I forced myself to harden the fortification around my heart. He was terribly good looking and had a fun, optimistic personality. I'm sure most girls on campus would be panting to be his partner.

"I only want to tell you something," he said still laughing.

"Enlighten me," I said dryly.

"I don't like blonds," he stated.

"Well, congratulations, now go away."

"In fact," he continued despite my loud sigh, "I only like brunette's with attitude."

"This cannot be happening," I said to myself as I stood to leave the classroom.

I marched with total indignation toward the library, determined if he followed to make sure he couldn't speak to me. I was relieved to see he was nowhere in sight when I sat my laptop on the table. I continued on with my reading, lost in the concentration, when something entered my field of vision, obscuring the book.

I pulled back to see a label attached to a hand that read, "Edward and Bella, Lab 2050 10:40."

I grabbed the label and easily ripped off the words 'Edward and', before handing it back to him, keeping the end with my name.

He laughed and I could smell the peppermint gum he was chewing. I stared at him, without so much as a smirk, and he somehow took it to mean I had invited him to sit. He looked at me for a minute and then scooted his chair closer to whisper to me. I refused to respond when his mouth came slowly to my ear.

I'm sure that move had left many girls swooning, but Bella Swan does not swoon. In fact, Bella Swan punches, and if he doesn't back the hell up he was going to learn the very effective moves Police Chief Swan has taught me.

"I have a whole page full of labels," he whispered, "if you want to destroy them all you will have to come to my apartment."

"Oh, may I," I said with a high bubble-headed voice. "And maybe while I'm there I will accidently fall onto your bed with my skirt over my head."

"Why," he said dropping the smile, "do you have coordination issues?"

If he only knew how often I tripped on flat surfaces he would know exactly how true his statement was. I blushed and he chuckled knowing he finally broke through my hard exterior. "Not a gymnast I take it?" he asked.

"Edward, is it?"

He nodded.

"We can play this game all day, but I really want to study and I really want you to go away, so what do you want?"

"Well, now I want to play this game all day," he said seriously.

"You're an only child aren't you," I asked already knowing the answer.

His smile increased, "Yeah, how could you tell?"

"Because only children are either very focused or spoiled as hell. I am one, you are the other."

"Do your parents know you are spoiled as hell?" he asked as he laughed.

I let out a rush of air in total exasperation. "Listen, I am going to be very open with you, and not because I find you charming or irresistible. You are a barnacle that I need to scrape off, so here goes…I don't want a lab partner. I am capable of doing it on my own and would prefer doing it that way. I am not looking for a friend, or a buddy,or someone to share my college experience with. I don't do the whole movie night, pizza study sessions, and I have no interest in you or your life. Please, leave me alone."

"Do you have any idea how much I want you right now?" He said as he sat leaning with his cheek on his hand.

"Do you have a death wish," I said in frustration.

"Okay, let me see, no lab partner, no movies, no pizza, no talking about my life, so I guess that only leaves one thing…sex."

"I wouldn't have sex with you if you were the last man in all of Seattle."

"Are you a dike?"

"Will it make you leave if I say yes?"

"Naw, I would probably just ask if I could watch."

"Go home, little boy," I said in disgust.

"This is the most fun I've had in ages. I'm so glad were going to be lab partners." He grabbed his backpack and began walking out of the library.

I watched him walk away as I seethed at the thought of having to see him on a regular basis. He was so arrogant, that wasn't even the correct word, confident would be a better way to describe him, or maybe cocky. I was debating which adjective would best sum him up when he turned around and caught me watching him. He smiled widely and winked at me.

I flipped him off, only causing him to smile wider. I turned to pull up the lab we shared, to see if there was another possible time open. I felt sick to my stomach to see it was the only one that would fit my schedule. I could tell this was going to be a long semester.

I was headed to my apartment when my cell phone rang. I looked at the ID to see my dad's face smiling up at me. "Hi dad," I answered.

"Hi, Bells. Good day?"

"It was until an hour ago. I have some lame guy who thinks he is Romeo or something trying to be my lab partner."

"Do you need me to pick him up and scare him a little?"

"I doubt you have jurisdiction in Seattle, dad."

"No, but I have friends who do," he laughed.

"Well, hold off a bit and let me see if I can handle him first. If not, you have free reign to beat him with a rubber hose."

"How are you sleeping, honey?"

"Dad, don't."

"I just want to see if there has been any progress. I'm not trying to smother you or anything."

"I'm fine, grades are good, and job is going well, only hic up is the annoying lab guy." I was really hoping he didn't notice how I didn't mention anything about sleep. I was able to get a few hours here and there, but sleeping soundly through the night was not something I had been able to master.

"I'll call you tomorrow," he said with a sad voice, telling me he caught the whole sleep thing.

"Great, talk to you soon."

I hung up and grabbed my apron as I headed to the counter of the small book store/coffee shop I worked in. "Hi, Jess," I said to the girl waiting for me to relieve her.

"Oh good, you're here. Don't get mad at me, okay?" she said in one of her disgustingly fast sentences she always used. I simply nodded, knowing she would continue talking anyway.

"I didn't give out any information and he didn't really ask for any, he just wanted to know if you were at work yet and I said, 'can I get you some coffee?' and he was like, 'no, I'll wait for Bella,' and I was like, 'you will be waiting for over twenty minutes.'"

"Who?" I interrupted her.

"Me," a voice came from right behind me.

I spun around to see Edward smiling and holding out a twenty dollar bill. "I want a cup of coffee," he said to my stunned face.

"Go to 7-11," I said as I headed to the back of the store.

I heard Jessica gasp and Edward say, "she's hot for me."

I couldn't help but think of what a great couple they would make. Jessica would worship the ground he walked on and he could get her to do anything he wanted by flashing one of his smiles. I was at a loss as to how to handle the guy. I was so rude and he only persisted. Maybe I would have to get my dad involved.

I heard the little bell over the door ring and really hoped Edward had left. I came to the front to find a tall, blond guy, walking over to sit with Edward. He never looked in my direction and I wondered if they had hung out here before and I had just never noticed.

I turned to walk into the back again when Edward called out to me.

"Bella, can we have some service?"

I walked slowly back to their table and looked at the other man. "Please, take him home and out of my hair."

"Bella," Edward smiled, "this is my best friend, Jasper. Jaz this is my lab partner, Bella."

"I'm not his lab partner," I said, speaking only to the other man.

"I'm not his best friend, either," he winked.

I couldn't help but laugh, and instantly wondered if this wasn't some routine they had practiced many times before.

"If I get you coffee I should warn you not to drink it, because I plan on poisoning him," I said to Jasper as I pointed with my head toward Edward.

"He's an irritating ass isn't he?" Jasper said.

"I'm stunned you will even sit in close proximity to him," I laughed.

"I'll tell you a secret," Jasper said leaning closer to me. "He's filthy rich."

I felt I was becoming part of their pick up routine, so I began backing away from the table as I spoke, "Come on guys, leave me alone and go somewhere else."

Jasper looked at Edward in surprise and they both stared at each other for a moment. "Come on, Edward, let's leave her alone."

I heard the bell sound and looked up to see them walking out the door. I was relieved and hoped it would give him the signal once and for all I was not interested in him. I was leaning over to unload a box of new books when my necklace fell from my shirt to dangle in my face. I looked at the small pictures in the locket of the two most important people in my life.

My mom was not smiling in hers, but looking eerily right into my eyes. Jake had a huge smile on his face, hurting more than I could ever imagine. I missed them both terribly and would never get over the fact it was all my fault they were gone. I would have to live with the memory of killing the two people I loved the most in the world.

I ended my shift at the store and locked up. I walked down the sidewalk to see a figure against the wall. I tensed and moved to the far side of the walk and under the street lights. My hand tightened around the mace I had in my pocket and I picked up my tempo.

The man began walking behind me, keeping pace with my steps, but never coming closer. My heart rate picked up and I was mentally preparing for a fight when a sudden calm spread through me. Maybe this was what I had been hoping for? Hopefully it would be fast and painless. I stopped walking and spun around to face the creep in the shadows.

He glared at me and I cringed at the sight of his long greasy hair and pock marked face. "Are you following me?" I demanded.

He opened his mouth to speak, but suddenly looked beyond me and began backing up. I was afraid he would lunge at me if I looked away, so I continued to stare until I heard footsteps behind me. I looked back to see Edward, staring down the man backing away.

"Oh, great," I exclaimed as the man ran off.

"You shouldn't walk alone at night, Bella," Edward suggested rather forcefully.

"Since when did 8:30 become dangerous," I said as I began walking.

He stayed with me and I wanted to pummel him. "You never know what kind of sicko's are out there."

"The same kind I have in my lab class apparently," I mumbled.

"Can I ask you something seriously?" he asked.

I spun around to face him, "No, you can't. We are not having a moment here, Edward. I am not thinking you are a big strong man who saved me from the scary dark. I am begging you to leave me alone."

He stared at me for a moment without speaking, so I shook my head and began walking again.

"I only wanted to know if you could work tomorrow since Lauren called in sick."

"What?" I asked him in confusion.

"My dad owns the shop and Lauren called in sick. Can you work her shift?"

"You're Edward Cullen?"

He nodded.

"I should have known. Only my life can suck this badly," I said as I walked away.


	2. Chapter 2

Name: Shattered Glass

Author: Sdfreeze

Chapter 2

**Characters belong to Stephenie Meyer**

* * *

2

The following afternoon I walked into work to find Edward behind the counter. I was determined to find another job as quickly as possible. Although, this one was perfect with my class schedule and so close to my apartment.

"I want to talk to you, Bella, about your attitude," he said with a serious expression.

I stared at him, unable to give him the respect a boss deserved.

"I know you were joking with me and Jasper yesterday, but I hope you don't routinely ask customers to go elsewhere."

I didn't answer and continued to stare.

"This is a business and we want to encourage customers, understand?"

"So as my boss, if I come to you about customers who harass me, what advice would you give?"

"How were we harassing you?" he asked shocked.

"Hum, well, you wouldn't take no for an answer in lab, you followed me to the library, showed up where I work, and waited for me to head home. I think that constitutes harassment."

"I see it this way, we have to have lab partners and you will be able to keep up with the fast pace I set, I followed you to the library to try and convince you, I came to check out the shop and the employees anonymously, and after receiving news Lauren was going to be out sick I came to see if you wanted her shift."

"Cut the bull, Cullen," I said dismissively.

"Why are you such a bitch?" he asked seriously.

"And then you call me names," I added.

"I was attracted to you and tried to get to know you, I won't make that mistake again," he said as he continued to stare at me.

"Bingo," I said as I headed to the back to put on my apron. When I returned to the front he was still at the counter.

"I doubt we need two people this afternoon," I informed him.

"You're the paid help, not me," he said hatefully.

I grabbed a rag and began wiping off tables. The bell rang and a gorgeous blond walked in and headed straight for Edward with a huge smile on her face. He came around the counter and hugged her before they put their heads together and were speaking softly, so I couldn't hear.

She left after giving him another hug and I chuckled. He looked at me and raised his eyebrows.

"Guess you learned to like blonds," I said as I shook my head.

"Well, I can't very well tell my cousin to dye her hair now can I?"

I blushed and felt embarrassed for assuming she was just some bimbo he scored with.

"That's okay, Bella, no need to apologize," he said loudly.

"Sorry," I yelled to him.

He sighed loudly and hit his palm hard against the counter. I looked up in surprise and he nodded toward the back room. "Can you unpack the boxes that arrived today?"

I headed silently to the back and began looking for some boxes when I heard the door slam forcefully. I spun around to see him standing in front of the door with his arms crossed. "I'm not opening the door until we have a decent conversation," he announced.

"Fine, I quit," I announced.

His eyes widened in surprises and then quickly narrowed in disbelief. "You would actually quit before speaking to me in a civilized manner?"

"What do you want, Edward?" I asked seriously.

"I want you to stop acting like I have leprosy and talk to me like you would any other human being."

"That's it?"

"Yes, that's it. I gave up on anything else long ago."

"Okay, I think we should move the new arrivals to the front of the store. I know the rack was put in the back to get people to come in and stay a bit, but it is only making people frustrated to have to walk around searching for their book."

He stared at me in disbelief and let his mouth fall open.

"What?" I asked.

"That is what you consider conversation?"

"It's not?"

He laughed and began speaking in a girls high voice. "Edward, tell me about yourself. Where are you from, what's your major, what books do you like?"

"Wow, that is amazing, you should really date yourself, you could talk about yourself the entire night and never get tired of you."

He ignored my comment and answered the questions he had just posed. "Well, I am from Chicago originally, and most people assume I am majoring in Business, but I want to be a doctor so I'm a pre-med major. I think Steinbeck is over rated, hate Hemingway, love Conrad and even admit Hardy's writing is almost poetic."

He looked at me, pretending to be in shock and put out his hands, as he widened his feet to steady himself. "Shit, Bella, the world didn't stop spinning and your head didn't explode, imagine that."

"Name one Hardy book," I challenged him.

"Return of the Native," he said quickly.

"Am I supposed to be impressed you think Steinbeck was an elitist."

"I never said that, I don't find him a gifted humorist."

"Conrad's good," I said softly as I looked at my feet.

He gasped and put his hand over his mouth, "Does this mean you will have my babies?" he crossed his fingers on both hands to mock me.

"Go to hell and move away from the door," I demanded.

He stepped to the side and continued to laugh as I walk haughtily from the room. I was livid at his attempt to make fun of me. I never asked him to try and be my friend and would prefer he just leave me alone. We didn't speak the rest of the day and I was more than happy for the silence.

I was ready to leave as soon as Jessica showed up for her shift. She looked at Edward working behind the counter and raised her eyebrows at me.

"He's apparently one of the owners," I told her, not trying to soften my voice at all.

Jessica nodded and then smiled at the thought of working with him for the evening. I took off my apron and grabbed my back pack to head out the door when Edward called out for me.

"Bella, I finished two thirds of the lab, so just do the last third and we will be ready to go tomorrow."

I stopped where I was and opened my back pack to pull out a folder. I grabbed a paper and walked over to slam it on the counter. "I finished the entire lab, so turn this in for me tomorrow."

He picked up the paper and stared in disbelief as I headed to the door again. I was just about to cross the street when he came running up to the corner behind me.

"Hey, Bella, wait."

"What," I said in exasperation, "you talk more than a woman."

He laughed loudly and winked as he said, "There's one good way to shut me up, but I doubt you are willing to kiss me."

I rolled my eyes at his blatant attempt at flirting and kept my sneer firmly in place. "Okay princess, what do you want?" I asked him.

"I wanted to give you a heads up about something, since you live so close."

He waited for me to ask what it was, but I remained quiet and just stared at him.

"Anyway," he said shaking his head, "my father is thinking about relocating the store to the other side of campus. There is more building going on over there and a lot more foot traffic."

"Are you trying to find a nice way of getting me to quit?"

"No, I'm trying to tell you there are openings in my apartment building if you want to move. You wouldn't need to pay a deposit and the rent would be the same as what you're paying now, with more room and more security."

"Your apartment building, as in, you own the building?"

"Would it be a negative or a positive?" he smiled.

"It would mean the difference between no, and hell no," I said as I began to cross the street.

He laughed as he yelled after me, "You're beginning to cave, Bella Swan. I'm getting to you, I can tell."

I continued walking forward as I held my finger high, causing him to only laugh louder.

I sat in my recliner and was out cold in a matter of seconds. I didn't lean the chair back and stayed upright to make sure I didn't fall into such a deep sleep. The sound of a car alarm going off woke me up to see the sun had set. I looked at the clock on my microwave to learn I had slept for three hours.

I got up to make some Ramen and felt great. I made it three full hours without a nightmare waking me. I would be able to get a jump on homework without dragging tomorrow. I ate dinner as I watched some television and about one a.m. I pulled out my next lab assignment. I didn't realize how much time had passed when a knock on my door made me jump.

I stared at the wooden entrance in shock and looked back and forth from the clock to the knob. I finally stood and looked through the peep hole to see Edward smiling back at me.

I opened the door to glare at him with pure rage. He held up a cup of something and said, "I knew it, you stay up all night doing homework just to show off."

I didn't take the offered cup and continued to stare at him.

He began his imitation of a girl speaking again and said, "Hot tea, thank you Edward, that was so kind of you."

"Do I need to get a restraining order," I asked him in all seriousness.

"No, but you can invite me in and help me with the lab, I'm stuck."

"Maybe you should reconsider your major."

"I can't do that, it attracts the chicks," he teased.

I shook my head and walked away from the door with him following close behind. He sat the tea in front of me and began pulling out his book and paper. I pushed my paper in front of him and he studied it closely.

I picked up the tea and took a couple of sips. It was soothing and instantly warmed me. I mistakenly laid my head on my arms waiting for him to catch up to where I was on the paper and accidently fell asleep.

I was dreaming in complete darkness when two lights suddenly came rushing towards me. I screamed and felt two strong arms wrap around me. It was the comfort I had been searching for and I clung to him, kissing his neck and crying against his skin. "Jake, you're alive; I'm sorry, please forgive me."

"Bella," he said softly, "you were dreaming."

I pulled back to look at Edward's concerned face. I gasped and jumped out of his arms. "Leave," I demanded, "get out of my house."

I fully expected him to make a joke, or leave as he mumbled an apology, but I never expected the reaction I got.

"No," he said forcefully. "You need me here tonight and I'm not leaving. Who's Jake?"

I felt like he plunged a knife into my heart and I had to lean over to get a deep breath. "Don't ever speak his name again. Leave or I will call the police."

He tossed his iphone at me and stared into my eyes without blinking, "Dial, I'm not leaving."

"You arrogant son of a bitch," I yelled at him. "I'm not some stupid coed who is ignorant enough to spill my guts, so you can get into my pants."

"Why is it you are so willing to think the worst of me? What have I ever done to make you believe I am such a jerk? I have done nothing but try to befriend you, but you treat me with such contempt."

"Because you won't listen to me," I screamed, "I want you to leave me alone. I don't want your friendship or concern, but you seem to think my world won't turn if you aren't somehow a part of it. I never asked you to insert yourself into my life."

"Did you ever stop to think I may be just what you need? That my life had holes that needed to be filled too? When I look into your eyes, Bella, I see the same pain I carried for years. I know what that feels like, it sucks, and I won't walk away knowing you are feeling that."

"God, do you hear yourself? You don't know me or my feelings at all. The only thing I'm feeling is the rage your interruption in my life is causing me. Go away!"

"How did Jake die?" He pushed.

"Shut up," I said quietly.

"Just say it, it starts the healing."

I grabbed my chest and glared at him, "I am begging you, leave."

"Who is Jake, a boyfriend, a lover, an ex?"

I felt the tears begin to fall and I hated him for breaking me. I tried to run past him to lock myself in my room, but he grabbed me and pulled me into his arms, as I fought and pounded on his chest with my fists. He was too strong and was able to pull me tightly to him, so I could no longer fight.

"Jake doesn't want you to hurt anymore. He wants you to be happy, for him. Do it for him."

Horrible sobs broke from my throat and I lost the ability to stand. Edward lifted me easily into his arms and sat in my recliner as he continued to hold me. I couldn't fight, I cried in pain as he continued to push me.

"Bella, tell me about Jake."

"No," I sobbed.

He lightly ran his fingers down my back, until every ounce of energy was gone. I don't remember falling asleep and the sound of traffic finally woke me. I stretched and rolled over into another body in my bed. I screamed and shot out of the bed as Edward brought his fists to his eyes to rub them.

I felt sick to my stomach and search my memory desperately to see if anything happened between us. Edward sat up and looked at his watch, "Shit, I'm late for class," he said as he scrambled out of bed.

I watched in stunned silence as he grabbed his back pack and loaded his books. He headed for the door and finally stopped to look at my shocked face. "We're not done. I'll be back tonight."

I opened my mouth to say something, but he ran out the door without giving me a chance to speak. I looked at the clock on the microwave to see it was nine-thirty in the morning. I had never slept so many hours, although I felt anything but rested. I was nervous and jumpy, and had to figure out a way to move before the end of the day.


	3. Chapter 3

Name: Shattered Glass

Author: Sdfreeze

Chapter 3

**Characters belong to Stephenie Meyer**

* * *

3

I did something I had never done in my life. I checked into a hotel, I called in sick for work, and missed every class for the day. I wasn't about to let Edward dictate to me how I should act or what I should do.

I called my father and told him I just needed a break and wanted to deal with a few things. He was actually happy about my mini vacation in the first weeks of a semester. He thought it was a good sign and told me to take as much time as I needed.

I was going crazy being in an unfamiliar environment. I tried to watch TV but nothing held my interest. I swam in the pool, but quickly tired of the cold water. I lounged on a chair under the bright lights to simulate the sun, a rare object in the Washington sky.

A mother brought her young children to the pool and I watched as she played with them and seemed thrilled with every move they made. I began thinking of my mother, and how excited she would get over something as simple as a loose tooth. I quickly grabbed my things and went back to my room.

The only thing that brought me any type of comfort was standing in the hot shower as the water beat down on me. I stood there trying to block out all my memories of that horrible night until the water turned cold and I had to head back to the strange room.

I was lying on the bed, with my wet hair dripping onto the hotel robe, when a knock sounded on my door. I couldn't believe my eyes when I looked out to see Edward standing there.

I threw open the door in anger, "Are you kidding me, how in the hell did you know I was here?" I demanded.

"Jess called your dad, and I called every hotel in Seattle."

I was furious at my father, my police chief father, for falling for Jessica's line of crap.

"You're not coming in here," I announced with finality.

Edward took a step further inside the doorway blocking my ability to close the door. "What are you going to do, Bella; drop out of school and move to avoid talking to me?"

"Yes, that is exactly what I will do. And don't think I'm bluffing either. We are not friends, Edward."

"My parents died when I was ten," he began, "we were driving to Disneyland and my father kept asking me to sit down and stop blocking his view."

I backed away from the door and put my hands over my ears to stop listening to his story. I had to admit his statement caught my attention and I had so many questions in my mind, like how could his father own the shop if he was dead?

He stepped into the room and grabbed my hands from my head and held them firmly in his grasp. I wasn't afraid of him, but his audacity angered me. Being raised by a policeman made most of the town automatically give me my space. I was beginning the think I needed to introduce Edward and Chief Swan.

"Let go of me or I will scream," I threatened.

"I'll make you a deal. I get four questions and then I will leave."

"You are in no position to make any deals with me. I won't answer anything," I said appalled.

"Aren't you sick of it yet, Bella? Do you even remember what it was like to be able to sleep, and laugh, and have joy in your life?"

I was so tired of having this same fight with him over and over again. I looked at him, pleading with my eyes, as I tried to make him understand. "You have absolutely nothing to do with me, Edward. I work in your bookstore and sit in a class with you… that is the extent of our relationship. I will not under any circumstances share anything about my life with you."

"Okay, then let me be a distraction. Let's watch a movie and I promise not to ask any personal questions."

"I'm not going out," I informed him.

"I have my laptop; we can watch a movie right here."

He moved further into the room and began taking off his back pack before I could even agree. I decided to pretend to watch a movie, and not make any small talk whatsoever, hoping he would get bored and leave.

He placed the computer on the end of the bed and then lay on his stomach to watch the screen. I sat against the headboard at the opposite end as him and stared at the small screen without really seeing anything.

I woke up to bright light and the smell of coffee in the room. I gasped and quickly pulled my robe shut which had given Edward a perfect view of my underwear. My hair had dried in a wild mess around my head and my mouth felt like it was full of cotton.

"I assumed you're missing classes again today?" he asked.

"What time is it?" I asked in a gravelly voice.

"Almost eight."

I had to bite the inside of my lip to keep from smiling. I had made it an entire night without a nightmare and really didn't care if he saw me looking like a hot mess. I was at least a rested hot mess.

He walked over to hand me a cup of coffee as I tried to straighten my hair with my fingers. He pulled my hand from my hair and said, "It looks good, leave it."

"What are you, Gandhi's offspring or something?"

"I am an eternal optimist, not born, but made from hours of sweat and tears," he smiled at me.

"Save it, I don't want to hear it," I said as I took a drink of my coffee.

"So… do I tell you or not?" he asked.

"Not," I answered without understanding the question.

"Okay, I'll keep your sleep talking to myself," he said arrogantly.

I almost spit my coffee across the room. "I don't sleep talk," I defended.

"You sure do, you talk to him….and your mom."

"Shut up," I said quickly.

"And when I answered for them, you spoke even more."

The lump in my throat made it impossible to speak the profanity I was thinking. I stood and walked to the bathroom, hoping he would be gone by the time I returned from the shower. Instead I heard him enter the room and open the shower door.

I tried to cover myself and he just waved his hand to dismiss me, "You don't have anything I haven't seen before, so grow up."

I dropped my hands, forgetting to be embarrassed because I was too angry. "You are a walking nightmare; you are melted gum stuck to my shoe that I can't get rid of…."

"Do you feel guilty for not loving him, or for telling him you didn't love him?" He leaned against the door with his arms folded in front of him.

I froze and the hot shower felt like I had been doused in ice water. "Get out," I said softly.

"I think you feel guilty for not loving him, because being truthful is never a bad decision. I also think you really tried to love him, but it just didn't happen. That doesn't make you a bad person, or responsible for his death."

"You have no idea what you're talking about," I said as I reached for a towel.

He grabbed it from my hand and shook it out from the folds before handing it back to me. He held it out with one hand, while the other hand pointed to his exposed wrist. I stared in shock at the horizontal scars running across his flesh.

"I think I know exactly what I'm talking about," he said seriously.

I held up both of my wrists to show the smooth skin, "You're barking up the wrong tree," I told him.

"You are less than six months from here," he said pointing at the scars, "And I'm willing to bet money on it."

"Go to hell," I said with venom.

"I've already been there, and your already inside the gates, you just don't know it yet."

I began to dry off, wanting nothing more than to get away from him.

"Your mom and Jake won't forgive you until you forgive yourself. So beg in your sleep all you want, until you can say it out loud it doesn't count."

He turned and grabbed his stuff and left. I thought I would be thrilled to have him out of my face, but the truth was, I was so close to telling him everything. He left one minute too soon, and I vowed to be a lot stronger the next time I faced him.

I got dressed and packed up my stuff to leave. I couldn't hide from him and now I knew what he wanted. He felt he had to save me. If I continued on with my normal life, surely he would get bored and move on to someone else.

I showed up for work to find Edward sitting at a table with Jasper again. I made myself busy in the back unloading supplies and wiping down the storage shelves. When Eric came back to tell me he was leaving I had to go up front. I tried to keep my eyes down, but I could hear his footsteps coming towards me.

"What did you decide about the apartment?" he said pointedly.

"What part of no confuses you?" I said back just as bluntly.

"Fine, I won't schedule you to work nights unless I can walk you home."

I took a deep breath and tried to come up with any way to get this guy off my back. Something came to mind and I decided to give it a try.

"I'll make you a deal; you can ask me four questions. I will answer them honestly and you will never bother me again, understand?"

"Any four questions I want?" he smiled.

"Yes, but you have to write them down first."

"Why?"

"Because I don't want my answer to bring on a different question; you only get four."

He stared at me for a moment and suddenly stuck out his hand to shake on it. I watched as he wrote furiously on a piece of paper and then tore it into four strips. He handed me the first question.

_Who is Jake? _

Without looking up I answered, "Jake was my best friend growing up and my constant companion."

I held out my hand for the next question.

_How did Jake die?_

My voice lowered a bit, but I expected this question, so I soldiered on.

"He was run over by a car."

Edward narrowed his eyes and I knew he wanted to add a new question, but I ignored him and held out my hand for the next slip of paper.

_How did your mom die?_

"She was run over by the same car," I said flatly.

I could see the anger in Edward's face that he couldn't change his questions and I swore if he continued to harass me I would get my father involved and actually file for a restraining order.

He slowly handed me the last question and I didn't expect the sentence I read.

_Will you go out with me?_

I looked directly into his eyes to make sure he would hear me loud and clear. "No, I won't."

We stared at each other for a few moments that felt like an eternity, until he turned and left the store. Jasper got up from the table and walked over to the counter.

"Bella, is it?" he said with a southern accent I hadn't noticed before. I nodded.

"He only wants to help. He went through some pretty rough shit long ago and he would be a good friend to have."

"Did you ever stop to consider that maybe I wouldn't be a good friend for him to have? That possibly I am doing him a favor, and I'm not the heartless bitch you think I am?"

"I never called you that," he defended.

"No? Your eyes say differently," I accused him.

He stared at me with his crystal blue eyes until I couldn't look at him any longer. He managed to drain the rage out of me and I simply turned and walked away from him.

My ploy worked and I didn't have to get my father involved. It had been three days since I spoke to Edward. He sat far from me in lab and never showed up at the shop during my work hours. I was making a batch of pancakes early Saturday morning, more as dinner than breakfast, since I hadn't been to sleep yet. A loud knock sounded on the door and I knew immediately it was Edward.


	4. Chapter 4

Name: Shattered Glass

Author: Sdfreeze

Chapter 4

**Characters belong to Stephenie Meyer**

* * *

4

I stared at the door as he knocked loudly again, I was going to have to get the restraining order after all, and plan on finding a new job. I opened the door as I headed back to the kitchen, not waiting to see his face. He followed me and placed a piece of paper in front of my mixing bowl.

I stared at the copy of the newspaper article documenting the events that took Jake and my mom from me. The familiar smiling faces of them both beamed up at me and I couldn't find the strength to remain standing. I turned my back against the counter and slid to the floor.

Edward knelt down to look at my face and all I felt was numbing pain. I couldn't feel my arms or legs and I couldn't even find the rage inside me I knew I should be feeling. It was just as if time stopped and nothing existed.

"Say something, Bella," he said softly.

I continued to stare without responding or looking directly at him.

"Okay, then I will speak," he informed me, "it was an accident, a horrible, horrible accident."

I finally looked at him and tried to laugh but only a loud breath escaped me. "Is that supposed to make a difference?" I asked him.

"It makes a huge difference, because they are most likely worried about what this did to you. They are feeling the same guilt you are and…."

"They are dead!" I screamed at him.

"So you have to punish yourself for them? You have to be this miserable shell because you can't be certain of an afterlife?"

I let my face drop into my hands as I moaned, "Why are you doing this to me?"

He scooted closer but never touched me. "Because the day is going to come, when you haven't had enough sleep to think straight, and the only solution is going to be putting a gun to your head or a knife to your wrists. I won't let that happen to you."

"My punishment is to live," I assured him.

"Yeah, well one day it won't be enough. You will feel their bodies as the tires rolled over them; you will hear their screams and see the blood everywhere and the only way to stop it will be to kill yourself."

Without realizing what I was doing I reached out and slapped him across the face. The force stung my hand but he didn't move a muscle. He moved closer to my face and said louder, "You are begging the wrong person for forgiveness in your sleep. You have to forgive yourself, Bella."

"Please leave me alone," I begged him softly.

He moved to sit across from me against the cabinets and I felt the tears begin to fall from my face. I was so tired and I closed my eyes and let them fall freely onto my shirt.

"Was the fight over not having the same feelings for each other?" he asked me.

I simply nodded and kept my eyes closed.

"And your mom went to talk to him, to calm him down?"

I nodded again.

"What made you get in the car?" he pushed.

"I got a call, a policeman had been shot, and I thought it was my dad."

"It wasn't?"

"No, it wasn't. Isn't it ironic, my fear of losing my father made me kill my mother?"

"You didn't kill your mother," he said sharply.

"Semantics," I whispered.

"Why aren't you pissed at them for walking in the middle of a dark road?"

"It had rained all day, the grass was muddy. Where else were they supposed to walk?"

"Why didn't they see you coming?" he said hesitantly, sensing how close I was to a complete meltdown.

"Because I didn't have on my lights, I was in too big of a hurry to do something as simple as turning on the car lights. Surely you read the whole gory details."

"I didn't have on my seat belt," he said as he shrugged his shoulders.

"What?" I asked him in confusion.

"I didn't have on my seat belt and was digging through my suitcase in the back of the minivan. My body flew forward and my foot kicked my mother right in the temple, killing her instantly. My father died later at the hospital. Both of them were belted in, I wasn't and I was the one to live, but I ended up killing my mother."

"So what are you telling me, we are part of some elite mother killer's club?" I said with disgust.

"This is called sharing, Bella. It is supposed to be good for the soul."

I shook my head in disagreement and a question popped into my head. "So who is Carlisle?"

"My dad?" He asked me, not sure who I was talking about.

"My pay checks are signed by Carlisle Cullen, how is he related to you?"

"He adopted me at the age of thirteen. He was single and only thirty at the time. I was so messed up, but he helped me through the bad times. Can I ask what your relationship with your dad is like?"

"My parents were divorced. He's…..supportive," I said and Edward gave me a look to say he wasn't buying the whole thing.

"Okay, he's worried about the nightmares," I admitted, "I play everything off to ease his mind."

Edward chuckled and looked at me like I was a complete idiot. "You're not fooling him you know. I'm sure he keeps the bullets locked away and the knives unsharpened."

"Why are you so convinced I will off myself?"

"Look in a mirror sweetheart; you have tragedy written all over your face."

"So is this where I profess my undying love to you for saving my life and giving me a purpose to live?"

"Wow, and here I was only wanting to be your friend….I'm good," he laughed causing me to actually smile.

"I'm not ready for a friend, Edward. It's just too painful right now."

"So, can we be lab partners?"

I chuckled, "You're not smart enough for me. I will just end up pulling you along as dead weight."

"I'll give you a raise," he offered.

"You have no morals," I teased.

"After you finish making my breakfast, can I take you somewhere? I want to show you something."

"I am not making you breakfast. You barged in here so you do the cooking," I said as I stood to leave the kitchen.

"It's a deal, just lay on the couch and I will let you know when it's time to eat."

I woke up hours later to find Edward sitting on the floor with his head resting against my pillow sound asleep. I jumped and was surprised to find the blanket from my bed covering me. Edward sat up and looked at me sleepily.

"What are you doing here?" I asked him.

"I made you breakfast, but you fell asleep."

"That was your clue to leave, asshole."

"Not when you call out my name in your sleep, it's not," I noticed how he smirked when he said the words.

I stared at him, too stunned to know if I believed him or not. He pulled himself up onto the couch and I scooted further from him. "You agreed to let me show you something, go eat so we can go."

I found a plate of food in the refrigerator and stuck it in the microwave. "Did you already eat?" I asked him.

"Yeah, three hours ago," he chuckled. "I was going to leave but you called out for me, so I stayed for the in-depth conversation."

I was too afraid to ask him what we talked about, and didn't know if he was telling me the truth. He sat at the table to watch me eat and it was uncomfortable. "Can you sit somewhere else?"

"Are you sure, because last night you asked me to never leave you?"

He wasn't joking and stared directly into my eyes as I had a mini panic attack. "I fly in my dreams too; it is called fantasy, Edward."

He was biting on his thumb nail and shook his head back and forth, "Nice try."

I decided to turn the conversation to him and let him sweat a bit. "What made you slice and dice the wrist?"

He looked at his scars and then laid his arms flat on the table to expose them. "My adopted mom and dad told me they loved me."

I stared at him, waiting for more.

"That's it, I was arrested for shoplifting and they hugged me and told me they loved me. It blew my mind because I felt it. It wasn't just words, they really loved me. I had to get out of their lives before I ruined them too."

"Bullshit," I challenged him. "You felt guilty for killing your parents."

"No," he said softly, "I got in fights because of the guilt. I stole things because of the guilt, and I even took drugs because of the guilt. But this," he said lifting his wrists, "was because two wonderful people loved me in spite of all the other shit."

I tried to swallow but I couldn't. The numbness was beginning to spread again as I stared into his sincere eyes. "Of course these revelations took years of counseling to come to terms with. I wasn't always this ray of sunshine you see before you," he laughed.

"Ray of sunshine," I teased, "you are more of a constant drizzle that never lets up."

"Bella, pretending to love Jake would not have given him a good life."

I tensed and let my eyes drop to my plate.

"You promise him in your sleep that you will try to love him. Love isn't something you have to try and do, it is unconditional and unintentional. Your friendship was a great gift; don't feel like it wasn't enough."

"Don't, Edward. Not today."

"I just want to tell you one last thing, and then you can get ready to come see something," he said as he reached over to put his hand on top of mine.

"What," I asked hesitantly.

"You kissed me last night, or this morning rather. In your sleep you pulled me to you and kissed me."

I jumped up, knocking my chair over and backed away from him. "Don't you ever pretend to be him, ever!" I screamed.

Edward stood and his face was angry as he kicked his chair back knocking it over, too. He raised his finger to my face. "You weren't kissing him; you were kissing me."

I reached out to smack his hand away and could feel my legs shaking, "Get out, get out of my house and never come back."

He locked his fingers behind his neck and growled in frustration. "Get dressed, you said I could show you something and I'm holding you to it."

I marched to my room and locked the door before climbing into my bed, which only contained sheets. It was less than five minutes later when the door kicked open and Edward grabbed some jeans off the floor and threw them at me.

"You can dress yourself, or I will dress you."

He was breathing hard from anger and I felt my heart speed up a bit. "My father will have you arrested," I threatened.

It was the wrong answer. His eyes narrowed and he grabbed my arm, pulling me from the bed and over his shoulder, and headed out the door. I tried to kick and I pounded furiously on his back but he continued to the elevator.

I frantically looked around the underground garage for anyone I could beg for help. It was a Saturday and nobody was around. He tossed me into a car and I searched for the handle, but he was too fast. He had hold of my arm before I could get the door open and his tight hold was hurting.

"You are in so much trouble Edward Cullen; you can't just kidnap people from their homes and get away with it. I hope your parents still love you after this arrest and the suicide attempt is more successful."

His jaw was so tight with anger and he almost shot fire from his eyes when he turned to look at me. "Just a simple kiss brings out such a bitch in you, I can't wait for when he have actual sex. I'm sure I will need hospitalization."

I was too stunned to speak and began to fear he was going to rape me. I tried to pull out of his grasp, but he held on tightly.

"You lay a finger on me and you will be speaking in that high voice forever. Any part of you that touches me will be removed…painfully," I threatened.

"I would never touch you unless you asked me too, and for the record you asked me to kiss you."

"Asking you as part of a nightmare does not constitute permission."

"Well, begging me and panting all over my neck had me a bit confused, sorry."

I could feel my face turn red and I finally stopped fighting. I turned to look out the window and wanted to just disappear. We pulled into another parking garage and Edward turned off the car.

I looked around for any sign of people and suddenly worried about the way I was dressed. Showing up to anything wearing boxers and a tank top would be a problem. I didn't even have shoes on, so running would be an issue too.

"Can you walk, or do I have to carry you?" Edward asked with a smile.

"What is this?" I asked.

"I only want to show you something, and then I will take you right home," he promised.

"Is what you want to show me on your person?"

He looked confused for a second and then roared in laughter. He was laughing so hard he couldn't speak and I really should have taken the opportunity to get away, but I had to admit I was a bit curious.

"I won't show you that unless you ask, too. And for the record, you didn't ask."

We walked toward the elevators and I pulled my elbow away when he tried to hold it lightly. He hit the button to the top floor and laughed when I turned to face the side of the elevator.

"I think it is a law you have to face forward," he said to the back of my head.

"Call the police, I dare you," I responded.

"You make it so obvious you're an only child," he said as he chuckled.

"What is that supposed to mean."

"There is no way your parents would have another one like you. I'm sure they fought over who would get fixed first."

"Pot meet Kettle," I threw back at him.

**Surface Cracks EPOV**

I hummed and sang as I made the pancakes, or at least something that resembled pancakes, while Bella curled up on the couch. I could only see the top of her head, on a pillow against the arm of the sofa. I wasn't trying to be quiet, but I didn't try to engage her in conversation either; I had pushed her enough for one morning.

I set the table and made her a plate before walking over to look at her. She was sound asleep and I couldn't help the smile that formed on my face. She looked peaceful, but the dark circles under her eyes told me otherwise.

I finished my breakfast and put Bella's plate in the fridge for later. I wasn't about to wake her up just to eat my awful pancakes. I knew what sleepless nights were like, and if she could find a little relief by having me here I would stay.

I walked over to the couch and looked down on her sleeping body. She was so beautiful in such a natural way. Most of the time she never wore makeup or flashy clothes and I still found her absolutely stunning. I saw her shiver, so I got her blanket from her bed and covered her. She sighed and I couldn't stop myself from running my finger down her cheek. Her body suddenly tensed and she called out my name.

I thought she had woken up, but her breathing remained steady and her eyes never fluttered. I got onto my knees and waited until she called my name again, "Yes, Bella?" I said softly into her ear.

"Don't leave me," she mumbled. I looked closer to see if she was awake, but she continued in a deep sleep.

"No, love, I won't leave you," I whispered.

"I'll try to love you, Jake; I promise to try, come back," she cried.

"It's okay, Bella. You don't have to try, we're okay. You're my best friend," I told her.

"Please breathe," she begged. "I'll love you if you just breathe."

"I already know you love me, be happy, Bella."

She smiled in her sleep and put out her hand. I took hold of her fingers and she closed her hand over mine. It was quiet for awhile, until she tensed and began breathing erratically. "I'm sorry mom, please forgive me."

"Baby, I forgive you," I said into her ear. "I love you, Bella."

"Mommy, I need you," she said with a child like voice.

I had to shut my eyes to block out the pain this was causing me and said, "I'm with you always in your heart," I said in a soft whisper.

Her body relaxed and a slight smile formed on her face. I pulled the covers up more and tucked them in around her. I knew I was getting in too deep. When I talked to my professors about the best way to handle this, they all warned me to stay detached.

Detached was something I had done in my past. I was so detached nothing broke through the walls I had built around myself. I finally turned and leaned my back against the couch and let my mind wander over my recovery. I couldn't pick one moment that caused me the most shame, but I could pick the one I regretted the most. Carlisle and Esme's wedding.

I had lived with Carlisle for three years as a foster child before the adoption became final. I had hit puberty and seemed to be drowning in my personal rage. Every gesture or kind word was taken with offence. I liked Esme right away, I just had a hard time with her acceptance of me. I was sure it was just a ploy to trap Carlisle.

I showed up at their wedding drunk off my ass, and only fourteen years old. I thought for sure Esme would run for the hills. Instead, she hugged me and told me not to worry about participating and only wanted me to have a good time sharing the day with them. During her vows she added a line about taking Carlisle, and his son, into her heart. I should have been grateful, or at the very least quiet. Instead I stormed out of the church.

Esme never once mentioned it to me. When I finally apologized years later she only kissed my cheek and told me she understood. I needed Bella to understand the forgiving heart of a mother. She needed to know her mother would hug her and tell her she understood, if she could.

I turned to stare at Bella and watched the gentle rise and fall of each breath. Her face was so easy to read, even in her sleep. A mask of sadness had taken a firm hold on her features over the past two years since I had first seen her. She suddenly twitched and her eyes tightened as her hand pulled into a fist. I gently rubbed her tight palm and watched it relax into mine.

I really hoped she would agree to move in with Alice and Rosalie. Sure, it would be great for me to have her right down the hall, but I seriously think she would like both girls. Rosalie was a no nonsense woman; she knew what she wanted and how to work to get it. Alice was playful and upbeat, easy to be around. It would be a great environment for Bella.

"I want to die," Bella said with a soft moan, causing my heart to twist in my chest.

"No, love, Edward needs you," I whispered truthfully. "It would break his heart if you died."

"Edward," she repeated.

I leaned down to her ear and her face turned slightly to press against my cheek. I froze and closed my eyes, as the heat of her cheek warmed mine, and I smelled the essence of her. "I'm here," I managed to say with much difficulty.

"Never leave me," she said as her lips ran across my neck. I placed my hand against the back of the sofa to keep from pulling her into my arms. I left my face in her neck and she began kissing mine lightly. Her breathing became irregular, and I could feel the hot air from her panting, sending goose bumps down my body.

I pulled my hands into fists and forced myself to back away from her, but her hands moved to my head and pulled me to her lips, as she said forcefully, "Kiss me, Edward."

I tried to be gentle and hesitant, but her kiss was frantic and filled with need. She opened her mouth wider and I felt her tongue run along my lips, but I refused to open my mouth. I had already crossed a line and I couldn't let this escalate. I let my mouth move in perfect symphony with hers, making sure to let her lead. I wanted this so badly, but I wanted her to be awake when she asked me to kiss her.

I pulled away, both of us panting hard, and watch her body slowly calm and return to its peaceful slumber. I sat back onto my heels as my body continued reeling from the sensation of her. I had to face the realization she was not interested in me, but trying to use me to forget the pain in her heart. It was exactly what I had done.

I had never considered the pain I had caused the girls I had been with. I saw them as just another drug to numb my brain. I looked at Bella and wanted desperately to be someone important in her life, but at this moment I wasn't. I was a momentary distraction, and I knew with a certainty I was going to get hurt.

I turned my back on her and leaned against the couch in despair. My head rested against her pillow and she tangled her fingers in my hair and sighed loudly. It hurt, and not from her hold, but from the emptiness inside her presence left me with. I wanted her to get well, so I could tell her how much I loved her, because I knew it would never work unless she let go of the guilt she was feeling.

I had tried to have a relationship while I was still feeling guilty. I had finally accepted Carlisle and Esme's love and felt ready to let someone else into my life. It was a disaster. I was clingy, then aloof, and constantly looking for fault. I finally had to end it before I hurt the girl any further. It was then I set eyes on Bella.

She walked out of a classroom in the English department and was laughing on a cell phone. I watched as her eyes lit up at the news she was receiving on the other end of the phone. She stopped and leaned against a wall and was using her hands animatedly as she spoke. Just watching her smile made me smile.

I wanted to approach her, but I was too wrapped up in my therapy and wasn't ready. Her face was so easy to read, and it would kill me to be the reason for a pained expression. Watching her walk from class became the highlight of my day.

When she walked into my lab this semester my heart raced for joy, then quickly plummeted when I saw her face. Something terrible had happened. The light and animation, so evident in her before, was gone. She never raised her head and let her hair fall to obscure the view of others. I swallowed hard and looked down at the faint lines on my wrists. She was headed right where I had just come from and I had to do something to save her.

I sighed and reached up to run my fingers softly over my lips, which were already wanting more of her. She mumbled something incoherently and turned in her sleep, pulling her hand from my hair. I shut my eyes tightly to stop the tears from forming. I was pathetic, sitting here like a lost puppy hoping she would eventually want me. I had to force myself to think about her recovery instead of my feelings.

I wondered if I should tell her about the kiss. It would be deceitful to keep it from her, and the thought of telling her made me smile. She was going to be furious, for sure. I knew it would be wrong to tease her; so much fun, but terribly wrong. I chuckled at the thought.

I eventually fell asleep, until a loud gasp from Bella woke me up. I sat forward, and looked back to see her sitting up and staring at me in horror.

"What are you doing here," she asked me.

"I made you breakfast, but you fell asleep," I reminded her.

"That was your clue to leave, asshole," she said as her face turned red from either embarrassment or anger.

I decided at that moment I would absolutely tell her about the kiss, and love every second of her discomfort. "Not when you call out my name in your sleep, it's not," I said trying hard not to laugh.

She looked completely stunned and stared at me in shock. I felt like Christmas was coming early and I was enjoying the anticipation of telling her she kissed me. I actually wondered if she would hold her exact pose and let me run and get a video camera. No, I would have to be content with the memory of her face forever etched in my mind.

I moved to sit next to her on the couch and she consciously moved away from me. "You agreed to let me show you something, go eat so we can go," I said to remind her why I was there.

She stood quickly and refused to look at me as she walked to the kitchen. I enjoyed the view of her short boxers and my mind began to imagine her in mine. She placed her plate in the microwave and asked me if I had already eaten.

A large smile formed on my face as my opportunity was growing closer. "Yeah, three hours ago. I was going to leave but you called out for me, so I stayed for the in-depth conversation."

Her face tightened and she refused to respond. She sat down at the table, so I moved to sit across from her. She was determined not to make eye contact and finally said, "Can you sit somewhere else?"

"Are you sure, because last night you asked me to never leave you?" I couldn't love my life any more at this moment. Her expression was priceless and I wished for the damn camera again. Her eyes finally met mine and she looked like she was going to have a heart attack. She swallowed hard and sat up a bit straighter, gaining the upper hand by causing my brain to register her nipples showing through her tank top. I began biting my thumb nail to keep thoughts of her body out of my head.

"I fly in my dreams too; it is called fantasy, Edward."

There was no way in hell she was going to be able to pull that off. Her words and kiss were much more than a simple dream. "Nice try," I teased.

She tried to deflect the awkwardness back onto me by asking about my wrists. I gave her a brief overview of the cause, getting right to the heart of the matter, without telling her about the mess leading up to it.

I could see in her eyes my story was hitting home. She had considered this and it was terrifying her to admit it to herself. I decided to bring up Jake and force some of the feelings to the surface. I tried to convince her Jake would not have wanted her to 'try' and love him, and her friendship would have been enough.

She immediately shut down and begged me not to push her today. I knew the one thing I could say that she would not be able to ignore or repress.

"I just want to tell you one last thing, and then you can get ready to come see something," I said as I reached for her hand.

Her eyes looked terrified, but she asked, "What."

"You kissed me last night, or this morning rather, in your sleep, you pulled me to you and kissed me." I held my breath as I waited for her response.

I was surprised by the depth of her fury. She jumped away from the table almost tripping on the falling chair and screamed at me, "Don't you ever pretend to be him, ever!"

It would have hurt less if she had simply slapped me. She actually believed I was tricking her and pretending to be Jake just for a kiss. It ruined the entire experience and I felt sick, and angry, inside. I stood quickly and kicked my chair when he touched the back of my legs, sending it falling to the floor.

My mind was spinning with everything I wanted to say, but I was desperate for her to know it was me she called out for. I pointed accusingly at her and yelled, "You weren't kissing him; you were kissing me."

I could tell by her face she knew I was right, and it scared her to acknowledge it ,so she ordered me out of her house instead. This entire morning was not turning out how I expected. I wanted her to meet Rosalie and Alice and that was honestly all I wanted. I could tell by the way she walked to her room she had no intention of coming with me.

I waited a few moments and then listened at her bedroom door for any sounds telling me she was getting dressed. I heard nothing, so I turned the knob. The door was locked and my anger exploded inside of me. I thought back to all the times Carlisle had broken down my door and forced me to do something I didn't want to do, strictly for my own good.

I stepped back and kicked the door hard. She was lying in her bed and I grabbed some jeans off the floor and threw them at her, "You can dress yourself, or I will dress you."

I was breathing heavily, and not about to put up with her smart mouth, when she actually threatened to have her father arrest me. If I was going to be pulled in, it would sure as hell be for more than breaking her door. I grabbed the arm she had pointing at me and pulled her from the bed. I slung her over my shoulder and headed out of the apartment.

It felt powerful, and exhilarating, and I could feel every curve of her body against mine. I smiled as I headed toward my car, with her squirming and kicking in my arms, because I knew without a doubt this was the woman I was going to marry.


	5. Chapter 5

Name: Shattered Glass

Author: Sdfreeze

Chapter 5

**Characters belong to Stephenie Meyer**

* * *

5

The elevator door opened and we stepped into a brightly lit hallway, with beautiful tiled floors and freshly painted doors. He knocked on one and I suddenly felt embarrassed for my outfit.

The blond woman he said was his cousin opened the door. "Hey beautiful," Edward said as he entered the apartment.

"Alice, Edward's here," she yelled over her shoulder. "Hi," she said to me.

"Hi," I mumbled and tried to straighten the wrinkles out of my tank.

"Come here, Bella," Edward called out across the room. I walked towards him totally confused at what was going on around me.

He headed down the hallway and opened a door to a bedroom. He walked in and pulled open the drapes, exposing a balcony. "What do you think?"

"About what?"

"This room… isn't it amazing. Look at how big the closet is, and it has its own bathroom with a Jacuzzi tub."

"Are you kidding me?" I screamed at him. "You kidnapped me for this?"

A small woman with stylish hair walked cautiously into the room. "Bella, I'm Alice. I'm sorry, we asked Edward to find us another roommate, but we really didn't expect him to kidnap one for us."

I exhaled loudly and tried to calm down. "I already have an apartment," I explained to her.

"Darn, I have a feeling we would have been great friends," she said with a friendly smile. "Do you have other roommates?"

"No, I live alone. I sleep really irregular hours, so I wouldn't be a good roommate to have."

"This is a pretty big place, and both Rosalie and I sleep really hard and we are quiet when we're up, so please just consider it."

"I have to be honest, knowing it will please Edward doesn't bode well for the chance I will change my mind."

Edward laughed loudly and left the room for Alice and me to talk. She sat on the bed and motioned for me to sit also. I couldn't help but smile; she was such a nice person. "His optimism can be a bit irritating," Alice said with a laugh.

"How do you know him?" I asked.

"I went to high school with Edward and my boyfriend is his best friend."

"Jasper?"

"You know him?" she smiled.

"I met him at the coffee shop, he seems nice," I said awkwardly. I was really hoping he didn't tell her what a bitch I was to him, but I'm sure he shared everything. I had no idea why she would be willing to live with someone like me, but Edward must be running this show.

Rosalie walked into the room and sat across from me on the bed. She was stunning, but seemed nice and approachable.

"Rosalie is Edward's cousin," Alice explained.

"Yeah, Edward told me that much."

"We have gone through some really awful roommates," Rosalie began, "Edward felt you would be low key and easy to get along with."

"I am pretty much a loner," I admitted.

"We had one girl who loved polka music; I seriously thought I would need a lobotomy by the time she left," Alice laughed.

"Why don't you hang out with us tonight and see what you think," Rose suggested. "We can have the guys over and order pizza…"

"Wait," I interrupted. "I am not dating Edward. I'm not even friends with him."

"Oh, I'm sorry," she said nervously, "we can just have a girl's night, okay?"

For some reason I really wanted to get to know these two girls. They both seemed down to earth and very friendly. I was ready for some girlfriends, just not a man like Edward, who wouldn't take no for an answer.

"Um, don't tell Edward," I asked. "I made a pretty big deal about not doing the pizza night, friends thing."

"I'll make sure Jaz does something with him tonight and keeps him out of your hair," Alice offered.

I nodded and stood to leave. I glanced around the room and felt a small sense of excitement at the thought of living in such an amazing place. It would be closer to campus and I could keep my job…if Edward would back off.

We all walked into the living room to find Edward talking causally with a large muscular guy. His build reminded me a Jake and I turned away, so I wouldn't have to look at him. "Bella," Rose called to me, "this is my fiancé Emmett."

I gave a quick flip of my hand to wave to him and headed for the door. Edward jumped up and followed me out. "So what did you think of Rose and Alice?"

I only shrugged and his big smile slowly faded. We didn't speak the entire way back to my building. When he pulled up front I got out of his car and quickly shut the door. He sat there with the car still running watching me enter my building. When I got to my apartment I looked out the window and saw him still sitting there.

He eventually pulled away and I felt relief. Maybe he would finally give up trying to save me from myself and find a new project to spend his time on.

I showed up for a night of fun with Rosalie and Alice. We planned on watching a movie, but ended up talking the entire night. They never pushed me to talk about my past and seemed to enjoy talking about themselves. We laughed and talked fashion, school, and future plans. It was going really well until the subject of Edward came up.

"He was a mess until my uncle got him straightened out," Rose said.

"In high school," Alice added, "he was such a degenerate, always in trouble and such a playboy."

"He is nothing like he used to be. I don't think he even dates anymore," Rosalie said directly to me.

"I'm sure he is a good guy, but I am not looking for a boyfriend, or even a hookup. I have no interest in Edward, at all," I assured them yet again.

Alice's phone rang and she answered with a smile, "Hi Jaz, are you being good?" She giggled at his response and looked at Rose.

"What?" Rose asked her.

"They're at a club, trying to get Edward fixed up," Alice said as she covered her phone with her hand.

Rosalie grabbed the phone from her tiny hand. "Emmett better not be with you," she said angrily.

She threw the phone back to Alice, "He hung up on me. I am going to kill them," she said as she stood and grabbed her purse.

"Where are you going?" Alice asked.

"I'm going to drag Emmett's huge ass out of there," Rosalie answered. "Are you coming?" she asked us both.

Alice stood and I blindly followed. I didn't know why Rosalie was so quick to check up on Emmett, but obviously she didn't trust him to stay loyal. She drove quickly to a club only a few blocks away and parked in a no parking zone, not planning on being there long.

Signs were hanging up all over announcing "retro" night. They would be showing old sports games, and playing old music for the night. Many of the club regulars had on clothes from the 70's and 80's and I silently thanked my lucky stars I was from a different generation.

We made our way through the club and heard Emmett before we saw him. He was sitting in a lounge area nursing a beer as he watched a game on a huge screen. He was surrounded by men, and proved Rosalie's concern to be totally out of line.

Alice found Jasper sitting at a table with another couple, but Edward was nowhere in sight. We sat and ordered a drink and I seemed to be the only one worried about the parking situation. It was then I saw Edward. He was dancing with a gorgeous red head, and the woman was practically painted onto him. She kept running her nails down his back to his ass and would squeeze him as she spoke into his ear.

He smiled politely but didn't seem to share her lust. I watched as he would recognize and talk with other couples on the dance floor, until he saw me looking at him. He instantly pushed his partner back and I wondered why he acted like a man getting caught with another woman. He said something to the woman and began making his way towards me.

I didn't turn away and watched him stare directly at me as he came closer and closer. His smile grew as he headed our way, and I was terrified that he thought I showed up for him. I regretted my decision to follow along.

When he got to the table he nodded with his head towards the dance floor. I shook my head back and forth, but he ignored me and took my hand pulling me with him.

I tried to pull back but his strength was too much for me. When he brought me into his arms I said harshly, "I don't want to dance."

"I am begging you for help. I have to get Tanya off of me," he said into my ear.

"Now you know how I feel, when you won't listen to me," I said into his ear.

"I'm just annoying; I'm not trying to dry hump you on a dance floor."

"Yeah, because guys hate that," I challenged.

"When it's not the right girl, we do."

"Well, I heard there was a time that didn't really matter to you," I said, knowing it was cruel even for me.

He smiled again and shook his head, "Alice, right?"

I hated that I had just admitted I was talking about him and gaining information. He was just narcissistic enough to believe I was into him.

The DJ decided to place me directly in hell by playing; _I can be your hero_. Edward smiled and pulled me close as we swayed silently together. The lyrics were too close to home and I could hear Edward singing softly to himself. I thought I felt him kiss my hair and I began shaking, causing his arms to tighten around me. I was trying everything to keep the tears from forming.

I was furious at myself for letting him do this to me, but even more angry for liking it. It felt safe to be held by him and I wanted to scream at myself. I should have let Jake hold me this way, but I wouldn't, so why did Edward get too.

I pushed away from him and ran for the door. I made it to the sidewalk and into the light rain before I broke into tears. Edward came running out the door and I held up my hand. "Stay away from me," I yelled.

"It is okay to live, Bella. You don't have to shut down just because his life ended," he yelled back at me.

The music switched to the fast paced_, I need a hero_, proving the DJ was indeed trying to torment me. I laughed without humor and threw my arms in the air. "I don't need you, Edward. I work, I go to school, I have a life, and I am living."

The door flew open and Tanya stepped out. Edward's head dropped and I looked at her. She wore too much makeup and looked like she enjoyed living fast and hard. I could smell perfume and liquor on her. She glared at me and I laughed. "He's all yours," I said and then turned to Edward. "I don't need a hero," and I walked away.

"Bella, wait," he called out to me. "Tanya, go back inside, I'm in the middle of something."

I heard her stomp her foot and begin to protest, but I just kept walking. Edward ran to catch up to me so I stopped and pointed towards the club.

"Go back to your life, Edward. There are women who obviously don't mind what an annoying piece of shit you are, so run along, get laid, get drunk, do whatever it is you do and leave me alone."

"That's not fair," he said angrily.

"Yeah, there are a lot of things in life that are just not fair. I learned that lesson almost a year ago."

"I'm trying to help with that," he said sadly.

I took a calming breath, "Nobody asked you too." I saw Tanya coming our way and nodded to Edward. When he looked over I walked away.

I didn't look back to see if Tanya got her prize. He wasn't mine to worry about and I had to get him to realize I wasn't his. Maybe Rosalie and Alice would be able to convince him to leave me alone. They were both really nice and I got along with them well. They seemed very involved in their own lives and wouldn't meddle in mine. I decided to move in with them.


	6. Chapter 6

Name: Shattered Glass

Author: Sdfreeze

Chapter 6

**Characters belong to Stephenie Meyer**

* * *

6

My dad came up the following weekend to help me move my stuff. He instantly fell for Alice's charm and Rosalie's beauty. I could tell it took a load off his mind to know I wasn't alone. When we finished cleaning out my apartment he took me to dinner.

"You seem to be doing better Bella," he said with hope.

"I am dad, don't worry."

"Have you given any thought to dating?" he pushed, and I was sure someone put him up to it.

"I have been dating," I lied to him. "I just don't like sharing my private life with people who tend to be clingy."

"Anyone I would know," he asked.

"No, just casual stuff, nobody in particular," I smiled and hoped he was buying the line I was selling.

"I spoke to Billy the other day," he said before taking a bite of his pasta.

"Stop, dad. Don't do this."

"He really wants to see you, Bella. I think it would comfort him to know you are alright."

"You can tell him for me," I offered. "I just can't look at him right now. I need to focus on school and keep moving forward. Please tell him, Dad."

He stared at me as he chewed and then nodded. "Are you coming home for Christmas?"

"No, spend it with Sue; I plan on working through the holidays."

"Bella, you can't spend every Christmas alone," he pushed.

"I know, just this one. And I won't be alone, roommates remember?"

"If you change your mind, you are always welcome."

I managed to keep him from walking me up to the apartment and thanked him for coming to help. We talked almost every day, so I assured him I would call tomorrow. I used my new key to open the door and was shocked to see Emmett, Jasper and Edward over.

I had managed to avoid Edward for the entire week and assumed he was spending all of his time with Tanya. I wasn't jealous, I just never figured someone like her to be his type. She seemed like a lot of drama and Edward was always so happy.

I mumbled a hello and went right to my room. Alice followed and asked me to join them for a movie night in the living room. "I'm not pairing off with Edward, Alice," I said, wanting to put an end to any hopes they had for fixing us up.

"Edward is dating someone," she said, "I know you have no interest in him."

I finally agreed and made my way to sit on the floor between Rosalie's and Alice's legs, as they sat on the couch. Edward sat in a recliner, and since I never looked at him I didn't know if he ever looked at me. We watched, _The Strangers,_ and ended the movie with me holding on tightly to the legs next to me.

"You guys are not leaving here," Alice announced. "I'm not sleeping alone."

Jasper leaned over to whisper something into her ear and she hit him on his chest, "I want safety in numbers, not you passed out after wild sex."

"Are you suggesting group sex?" Emmett asked, making everyone laugh and Edward and I uncomfortable.

I noticed how he kept looking at his watch and figured Tanya was waiting for him. "I'm going to bed," I said.

"Alone?" Rose asked.

"If a scary girl knocks on the door asking for someone, wake me up," I teased and headed to my room.

I opened the door and stood in the hallway as I surveyed the room. My balcony curtain was open and it terrified me to have to go close it. I ran as fast as I could to pull it shut and spun around to see Edward in the doorway. I screamed bloody murder.

Everyone came running and we all laughed over my attempted bravery. I grabbed my pillow and blanket and decided to join the slumber party. Alice put on music and we all settled down with the lights low. I snuggled up between the couch and Alice as everyone found a spot on the floor. I was happy to avoid whatever Edward wanted to talk to me about.

Rose and Emmett immediately began making out and decided to head to her room. Alice and Jasper followed not long after them.

"Well, I'm sleeping on the couch," I announced. "Feel free to sleep in the recliner."

Edward didn't answer and I turned to look at him. "I'm really okay if you need to go. Don't stay on my account," I added.

"I don't need to go," he said.

"Tanya isn't expecting you?" I asked, trying to let him know I was good with him having a girlfriend.

"Tanya?" he said in disgust.

"Sorry, I just heard you were dating someone and figured it was her."

He rearranged his pillow and didn't say anything. I was more than happy to give him his privacy and hoped he would be willing to do the same for me.

I was wide awake a knew I wouldn't fall asleep anytime soon. The last thing I wanted to do was give Edward another chance to star in my dreams. I decided to do some homework, if I could get the nerve to get my backpack out of my room.

"Edward," I whispered.

"Yeah," he answered.

"Can you go with me to my room?"

"I'm not having sex with you, Bella," he said forcefully, and loudly.

I gasped and heard him break into laughter.

"I want my backpack, you ass."

"Sure you do," he teased and stood up.

He had taken off his shirt and his jeans were hanging low on his hips. His hair was tussled and he ran his fingers through it to move it out of his eyes. I was frozen to the couch and staring at him like a starving dog.

He held out his hand and I stared at the scars showing in the moonlight sneaking through the curtains. I moved in almost slow motion, as I raised my hand to take his, and stood. He didn't move and we were right against each other. He took my fingers with his other hand and ran them lightly over his scars, letting me feel the raised, thick flesh.

"I'm glad it's there, to remind me of all the good things I would have missed out on." I raised my eyes and looked at him. "Like you, Bella. You are definitely a good thing I would have missed."

I shook my head and he ran his thumb over my lips, "Edward," I said and pulled his hand away, "don't."

His eyes turned very sad and he turned to go get my backpack. He handed it to me without making eye contact and lay back down on the floor.

I sat completely still and watched his back rise and fall with each breath. I finally found the nerve to ask him something. "Edward, what do I say in my sleep?"

I pulled my knees up to hide my face from him. I heard him stir and then felt him sit next to me. I turned my head onto my knee to look at him.

"You apologize for telling Jake you don't love him, and then promise to try. You beg him not to leave you and you tell him you deserve to die."

I closed my eyes in pain and asked, "When you answer as him, what do you say."

"I tell you it is okay to be just my friend, and to find true love. I tell you I will always be in your heart, so I am never really gone. I tell you I forgive you, so please forgive yourself. Then I tell you how much it would hurt Edward if you died."

My eyes shot open to see him looking at me with tears in his eyes. The darkness gave me courage and I admitted something I never thought I would, especially to Edward.

"I don't know how to let it all go," I whispered. "It plays over and over in my head."

"You start by telling me about it. Get it out of your head and put it into words."

"I can't," I said almost to myself.

He wrapped his arms around my body and leaned over my huddled form. "They are only words, Bella."

I dropped my head between my knees and spoke softly. "I should have loved him; there was no reason not to love him."

"You did love him, you loved him like family. That is a pretty powerful kind of love," he assured me.

"It wasn't what he wanted."

"What did he want?"

"He wanted to marry me," I said and began to shake in Edward's arms.

He pulled the blanket around me and returned to holding me as he spoke in my ear. "Were you intimate with him?"

"No," I whispered.

"It would be more painful, speaking as a guy, to have you pretend to be in love."

"Isn't sex, just sex, for guys?"

"There is a big difference between sex and love, Bella. If the woman I loved only wanted sex from me, it would break my heart."

"Maybe I would have learned to love him, if I only gave him a chance."

"And maybe there is a guy out there that you will give your entire heart to, without having to learn to love him."

"Nobody will ever want me, not after what I did," I cried.

"You're wrong, Bella," he said softly, and his arms tightened around me.

I turned my head and saw him smile at me. "I know you asked me out, but that is different from someone falling in love with me," I said.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean dating is shallow and surface stuff, it doesn't mean anything and I don't think…."

Edward dropped his arms from around me . "You are so clueless, Bella." He stood and grabbed his shirt off the ground and quickly put it on.

"Are you leaving?" I asked in shock. "You beg me to spill my guts and you're leaving."

He grabbed his shoes and headed for the door as I followed angrily. "You are such a hypocrite; this is what you kept saying you wanted , and when I finally share you walk away. Go to hell, Edward Cullen."

He spun around and grabbed me, pushing me against the kitchen island as he took a hand full of my hair and pulled my head back to kiss me. I was locked tightly between him and the counter as he practically devoured my mouth.

I had no control over my body, and couldn't believe my traitorous arms wrapped around him tightly as I moaned loudly into his mouth. He dropped his shoes onto the counter top and pulled me into his arms.

My mind had totally shut down and all I could think about was how much I wanted him. My hands went into his hair as he arched me back, almost lying on me. When his mouth left mine and moved to my neck I pulled his hair bringing him back to my lips.

"Bella," he managed to say against my mouth.

"Shut up," I said back, thrusting my tongue to mesh with his.

He chuckled and grabbed my leg, pulling it up his waist. We were panting and our hands were all over each other when the lights suddenly came on and Emmett laughed loudly.

Edward stepped back and I covered my mouth with my hand in horror.

"Didn't mean to interrupt," Emmett laughed as he grabbed a beer from the fridge. "Carry on," he added as he left the room.

Edward looked totally ashamed of himself and I managed to mumble, "Sorry," and ran to my room, locking my door behind me. The light went out and I heard the front door shut before I fell onto my bed sobbing. I realized I would have never been able to love Jake the way he wanted. All the times I had kissed him, it never felt like this one time with Edward.

I tried to sleep, but all I could think about was the feel of Edward's body, the warm kisses, and his amazing hands. I decided right then to stay as far away from Edward as I could.


	7. Chapter 7

Name: Shattered Glass

Author: Sdfreeze

Chapter 7

**Characters belong to Stephenie Meyer**

* * *

7

I sat in the back of lab, arriving late and leaving early, to avoid having to face Edward. He came over a couple of times, but I never left my room and he never tried to come in. Work was crazy with the move to the new place, and took a lot of energy to get it reopened. Edward worked very hard along side of us, but I managed to always be in a different area than where he was working.

After several weeks Alice approached me about going on a date with a friend who was in town for the weekend. She promised it wouldn't be anything with potential and only wanted him to feel part of the group. I reluctantly agreed. I was stunned when I showed up at the bowling alley to see Edward there, with a date.

"Bella, this is Mike Newton," Alice said, "We all went to school together."

I smiled politely and tried not to be disgusted when he looked me up and down. "Do you know how to bowl?" he asked.

"Yeah, I've been a few times."

"Enough for me to bet money on us winning?"

"Absolutely not," I warned him and his smile faded a bit.

I walked over to get my shoes and overheard Edward arguing with his date. "I'm not wearing shoes other people have worn first, no telling what diseases they have," she said as she walked away.

I chuckled and Edward turned to look at me. "Better wear a condom," I said softly as I reached for my shoes.

"I suggest you stay sober tonight, because Mike sure won't," he retaliated.

The night was so uncomfortable. Edward's date bowled in heels, and complained about the weight of a child's ball. Mike was so competitive and took pleasure in making fun of anyone who didn't throw a strike.

I watched as Mike pumped his fists into the air to celebrate the spare he picked up, and then downed most of the beer directly from the pitcher. Edward leaned over the back of my chair to whisper, "makes you want him, doesn't it?"

"Hey, I didn't pick my date, what's your excuse?"

"Victoria is an acquired taste," he laughed.

"Sure you don't mean a monetarily expensive taste," I said, then instantly regretted it.

"Your claws are showing," Edward laughed.

I stood angrily and headed to the bathroom. There is nothing more disgusting than a bowling alley women's room. I was scrubbing my hands vigorously when Victoria came into the room. "I hate bowling," she whined.

"Why did you come?" I asked her pointedly.

"Serious? Do you see who I am with? I would go to the roller derby if Edward asked me."

"What's so great about Edward?" I asked trying not to show any interest.

"He is only gorgeous, rich, and obscenely gorgeous and rich," she laughed thinking her comment was funny.

"What's his major?" I asked her, wanting to see if she knew anything else about him.

"Who cares," she said as she rolled her eyes at me.

I suddenly felt sorry for Edward. She only wanted someone on her arm she could show off, not anyone she was actually interested in. Surely Edward could tell the difference. I was really hoping he didn't share his story with her. She wouldn't appreciate everything he had gone through, and the thought suddenly hit me….I never appreciated him either.

I marched back to the table and asked Edward if I could speak to him privately. He followed me outside and had a smirk on his face. I almost lost my nerve to talk to him and had to force myself to say something nice and not the smart ass comment his look evoked.

"I just wanted to tell you thanks, for all the stuff you have done for me. I really like living with Alice and Rose and you helped me make it through some pretty tough nights. You went to a lot of effort and I never said thank you."

He looked at me sideways and waited for the punch line. I simply stared back at him without offering anything else.

"What brought this on?" he asked.

I looked at my shoes and admitted, "I think people see you only on the surface. You have a lot underneath and I think you should know that is the best part of you."

His face pulled into a huge smile and he laughed, "Sure you don't want to rephrase?"

I thought over my sentence and felt my face redden. "And now you've ruined it," I said as I headed back inside.

"Wait," he laughed and grabbed my arm. "Don't go inside; let me say something to you."

"I didn't bring you out here to say anything to me. I just wanted to say thanks, that's all."

"I am dating Victoria because I am trying really hard to move on. You won't go out with me and you know that is what I want. But if you are ever ready, please let me know."

I stared at him as I shook my head, "Edward, Victoria is not someone you should be dating, and I am not saying that to make you available for me. You deserve better."

"Mike Newton is not anywhere close to what you deserve, yet here we are," he challenged.

"I don't want a relationship, Edward."

"Really, when I kissed you, asleep and awake, your body was saying differently."

"Come on, I don't want to do this. This was not why I asked you to come out here."

He looked at me for several minutes. I realized I was not being held to the spot and could go back inside whenever I wanted. I tried to make my legs move; it would be so easy to just turn around. I took a deep breath and Edward took a step toward me.

"Don't" I whispered.

"You're going to have to say it like you mean it, Bella." He took another step in my direction and I still couldn't move, so I closed my eyes.

I felt his hands on both of my cheeks and could feel his warm breath on my face. "Open your eyes, Bella."

I slowly opened my eyes to see his face right up against mine. He leaned his forehead on mine and whispered, "Ask me to kiss you."

My heart was beating out of my chest and my legs were shaking so badly I thought I would fall down. He smelled like beer and peppermint and my face was on fire where his hands touched my flesh. "Ask me," he said again.

"Kiss me," I moaned just as the door flew open and Victoria walked out. We both jumped back and I instantly headed inside to leave Edward to deal with his furious date.

I walked to our table and both Alice and Rose gave me an odd look. I grabbed the pitcher of beer and poured a big glass, downing it quickly. Mike swiftly filled it again and I glared at him before drinking it down in one gulp.

"Hold up there, Bella," Jasper warned.

"I'm of legal age, and you're not my father," I said to him as Mike howled and refilled the glass. Just as I brought it to my lips someone grabbed the glass from my hand and began pulling my arm, leading me away.

"Hey," I yelled out to see Edward's angry face turn to mine.

"If you think I'm letting Mike take advantage of you tonight, you are crazy."

"Mind your own date," I said with malice.

"I'm taking her home and then I'm coming over to talk to you. I would really prefer you not be drunk when I get there." He dropped my arm and walked away. I was terrified to have to face him. I couldn't deny it any longer that I was attracted to him and I obviously had no self control when he was around.

I wasn't ready for a relationship and I knew I would have to find a way to make him forget about the possibility of having one with me. I turned to look at Mike and I knew he was the answer. If Edward came over to find me all over Mike he would forget about me forever. I just didn't know if I had the guts to do it.

The sight of Jake's mangled body came into my mind and I found the courage to do whatever I had to do to get rid of Edward forever. I walked back to the table and sat next to Mike and smiled seductively at him.

His eyes were dilated and he smelled like stale beer. "A cabs outside, want a ride?" I asked him.

"I'll give you a ride, baby," he said as he stared at my chest. I felt sick inside, but I stood and held out my hand for him.

"Bella, what are you doing?" Rose asked me.

"What I have to do," I replied.

I saw her grab her purse and pull out her phone and I hoped she was calling Edward. I needed him to see what I was doing, and the sooner he saw, the sooner I could put a stop to it.

I had to practically carry Mike from the car to the elevator, but once the button was pushed he threw himself at me. His hands were all over my body and I kept trying to push him off of me. He was rough and overpowering and I was beginning to get scared. When the elevator door opened I was relieved to see Edward standing there waiting.

I expected him to grab Mike off of me, but he looked into my eyes with such a hurt expression it made me begin to cry.

Mike finally looked at him and slurred, "You're going to have to wait your turn, dude."

"Get off me," I screamed at Mike, as I tried everything I could to get him away from me. "Edward, help me," I yelled.

"Help you, isn't this little display for my benefit? Isn't this what you wanted me to see?"

I began flailing my arms to get away from Mike and out of the elevator; Edward finally stepped forward and pulled Mike away. I ran to my apartment and leaned against the door inside as I sobbed in shame.

Alice and Rose came home and held me as I admitted to them my plan. They didn't judge me or try to talk me into anything. They just listened and ran me a hot bath. I was lying in the bubbles with the lights out, still gasping for breaths from my hard crying, when Edward walked in and sat on the ledge of the tub.

I lowered myself deeper into the water and he only rolled his eyes. "I did all of this, too. I withdrew from the world, I got mad as hell at the world, I used alcohol and drugs to disappear from the world, and I slept with anything that moved to get back at people who dared to love me. None of it works."

"I don't want you to love me," I said as I gasped for another breath.

He got onto his knees and leaned his arms into the water to run his fingers up my arm and hold my hand. "It's too late, I already do," he admitted.

I closed my eyes and felt my lips quiver. He reached out with a wet finger and touched my lips. "I know you're not ready, and I will give you all the time you need. If you never love me back that is okay. I will treasure your friendship."

"I want you to find a wonderful woman, Edward."

"I have," he smiled.

"I have too much baggage," I said honestly.

"Then let's dump some of it. Tell me about that night."

I opened my mouth, but nothing came out. He smiled gently and ran his finger down my cheek. "Start with the fight."

"He asked me to marry him," I began quietly. "I had told him so many times I didn't love him that way, but he bought a ring and proposed anyway. I was so angry and I yelled at him. He told me he was sure I could learn to love him and begged me to give him a chance. I told him to stay out of my life and never speak to me again."

"He knew you didn't mean it, Bella. Hell, look at how many times you told me to leave you alone."

I laughed and it felt so good. "I did mean it when I said it to you," I teased.

"Tell me about the phone call," he pushed.

"A neighbor heard over her CB radio that a Forks officer had been shot. She called to see if it was my father. My mom had gone after Jake, so I jumped in the car and headed off to find her. It was Christmas season and every house on the block was lit up. I didn't even realize I didn't have on my lights until I screeched around the turn. My mom went under the car, but Jake flew into the windshield. His smashed face was staring blindly right at me."

The warm bath water was suddenly ice cold and I was shivering uncontrollably. Edward grabbed a blanket off my bed and wrapped my wet body before carrying me to the mattress.

"Did you go to the funerals," Edward asked.

I only shook my head back and forth. "I'm such a coward," I whispered against the blanket.

"You need to go to their graves, Bella. It will give you closure."

"No," I said in a panic.

"Yes," he said forcefully. "Jake was a good guy, and you had a wonderful mother. They deserve to be honored."

"They won't want me coming there," I said adamantly.

"I spent a lot of hours with a priest and I learned only love continues on, everything else is temporary, but love is eternal."

I didn't know if his words made sense, or I just wanted so desperately to believe him, but I decided to give it some thought. I wiped the tears from my face and tried to smile at him. He chuckled and stood up to grab my brush from my desk.

I turned over and let him brush my wet hair and marveled at how gentle he was. "Tell me about your parents," I said to him.

"I am so lucky to have two sets of great parents," he said lovingly. "Edward and Elizabeth Masen were my biological parents."

"You changed your name?" I asked in shock.

"Edward Masen died, years after the car crash. Edward Cullen rose from the ashes. I could tell you storied to curl you toes, but that was long ago and I don't even remember being that person. Carlisle and Esme Cullen brought me back to life and taught me what love is all about."

"You are lucky," I smiled.

"I would love for you to meet them," he said and kissed the back of my head.

"I can see it now, hey parentals, this is a girl who killed her mom and best friend, we have tons in common."

He laughed at my inappropriate joke and added, "I planned on saying, this is the whore I met in the elevator, but whatever."

I turned around to glare at him, but his beautiful face with a large smile, caught me off guard. "Can I admit something to you?" he asked.

"Okay."

"I wanted to kill Mike."

"Well, five more minutes and I would have let you," I said as a shiver went through me.

We stared at each other and I watched as he swallowed deeply. "I better let you get dressed," he said in a whisper.

"It's nothing you haven't seen before, so grow up," I repeated the line he had used on me before.

He put both hands on my face and pulled me so close to his mouth, "Ask me," he breathed.

"Kiss me," I said as I pushed my lips to his. He rolled me onto my back and I managed to get my arms free from the blanket and pulled him over me. We just couldn't seem to do the whole tender, slow thing. We instantly became frantic and I heard his shirt tear as I pulled it off his body and over his head.

The blanket had been pulled to my waist and the top halves of our bodies were pressed tightly together when Edward suddenly pushed away from me.

He was struggling to steady his breathing and kept running his hand through his hair in frustration. "What's wrong," I asked him.

"We have to slow down, we're not ready for this," he said, trying to convince himself.

I knew he was right, emotionally I had a lot of work to do, but physically it was impossible not to want him. "You are seriously going to have to stay away from me, because….."I bit my lip to make myself stop talking.

He turned to look at me and his body began falling towards me as I reached out for him, "No," he said suddenly and jumped up. "Get dressed and I will wait for you in the other room."

He walked out as I lay stunned, still half wrapped in the blanket.


	8. Chapter 8

Name: Shattered Glass

Author: Sdfreeze

Chapter 8

**Characters belong to Stephenie Meyer**

* * *

8

I threw on some jeans and a sweatshirt and made my way into the living room. Alice and Rose were on the couch and Edward held out his hand for me, pulling me onto his lap.

"What the hell is this?" Alice asked.

"After an evening with Mike, I decided Edward wasn't that bad."

"She's crazy about me," he laughed.

"Please, tell me it is over with Victoria," Rose begged. "I cannot stand her."

"Yeah, I blew that when she caught me kissing Bella," he admitted causing them both to look at me.

"We weren't kissing, we were just about to kiss," I informed him.

"Did I miss an entire month or something?" Alice asked confused. "I feel like we are back in high school when Edward would have several dates in one night."

I laughed and ran my hand through Edward's hair, "I don't think he is as reformed as he pretends."

"The old Edward wouldn't have left the room," he said only to me, as if I was the only other person in the room.

"Maybe I would like the old Edward," I said back to him.

"Maybe I want you to love him instead." His eyes were piercing into mine and I got uncomfortable.

"You deserve so much better," I whispered sadly.

"My heart wants you," he whispered back.

"We are sitting right here," Rosalie said angrily. "If you want to get all mushy go back to the bedroom."

We all laughed loudly and I climbed off Edward's lap. "He was just leaving," I said as I pulled him out of the chair and walked him to the door. Just as I went to open it he put his arm up to keep it closed. I looked at him and he pushed me against the door and kissed me passionately.

"Don't do that," I yelled when he finally came up for air. "Kiss me like a grandpa when you are leaving for the night."

"Can I take you to breakfast tomorrow?" He asked.

"Sure," I smiled.

"At my parent's house?" he cringed like I was going to hit him.

"So soon," I said as I tried to swallow.

"Oh, they have been hearing about you for weeks. I don't think they believe you are real," he laughed.

"I guess," I said, feeling terrified inside.

He leaned in and gave me a dry peck on the cheek and it hurt to watch him walk out the door. I headed back to the living room when a soft knock sounded. I went back to the door to find Edward leaning against the frame. He grabbed me into his arms and kissed me until I didn't even know my own name. Then he let go and left me standing there with my brains scrambled.

Rose and Alice screamed and ran to hug me. "I knew you guys would eventually get together," Alice said. "We are going to be related," Rosalie added.

"Wait," I said, trying to be the voice of reason. "I'm pretty messed up right now, and a relationship won't be easy."

"Tell us about it," Alice said as she pulled me to the couch.

I took a deep breath and slowly worked my way through a simplified version of my story. They both cried with me, and hugged me and shared information about Edward. He had a pretty difficult life and I was amazed he came through it so well. I was lucky he decided to insert himself into my world. He most likely saved my life. I was suddenly anxious to meet the couple that saved his.

I woke up to Edward kissing my nose. I looked at him in shock, realizing I slept the entire night without a nightmare. I jumped up and began frantically getting ready. I was in the shower and yelled for Edward to pick out something appropriate for me to wear. He decided to show me his choices by opening the shower door.

"Which one?" he said holding up two hangers.

"What is your obsession with seeing me naked," I said as I tried to shut the door.

"Are you really asking me that?" he laughed and pushed my hand out of the way.

"Care to join me?" I teased.

He instantly dropped the hangers and pulled his shirt off. "I thought you would never ask."

I couldn't help but stare at his body as he did the same to mine. He washed my hair and tenderly kissed my neck as I rinsed the shampoo out. Our kisses were beginning to get out of control when the hot water heater ran out, giving us a douse of cold to bring us back to reality.

I dressed and fixed my hair and makeup as he waited patiently in the other room. When I was finally ready he smiled and whistled giving me needed confidence. I took his hand and let him lead me to his car as I silently stressed over the upcoming meeting.

He pulled into a large home nestled in the hills of Seattle. It was elegant and beautiful, just like I had imagined it would be. A man and woman came out onto the steps to welcome us. They were stylish and looked like they could be Edward's siblings instead of parents.

"Welcome to our home, Victoria," the man said as he took my hand.

"Oh wait, shit, sorry," Edward said as he laughed nervously.

"I am replacing Victoria today?" I asked in shock.

Edward laughed harder at the stunned faces of his parents. "Um…Guess what, this is Bella, you know the girl I fell in love with, but she wouldn't give me a chance?"

"Edward," his mother chastised him for being so rude in front of me.

"She knows the whole story," he defended, "and helped me get out of the relationship with Victoria."

I squeezed his hand hard, begging him not to share the whole kissing incident with his parents, or at least not in front of me.

"I'm sorry," Carlisle offered, "and welcome to our home none the less."

"Thank you," I said and wondered how much of my life Edward had told them.

"I know you as Isabella Swan," Carlisle said, mentioning my pay checks he signed.

"Right, but I go by Bella."

We sat around a small table overlooking the forest and I was surprised when someone stepped forward to pour juice and fill my plate. I knew Carlisle did more than own a simple coffee shop to have hired help.

"You seem very happy," Esme observed to her son.

"It's Bella, she makes me very happy."

"I think Edward is just optimistically happy all the time," I offered.

"See, your money spent on therapy paid off," he laughed to his parents.

"He is my sunshine," Esme said and ran her hand over Edward's shoulder.

I smiled at the sight of them, such a loving family, and I couldn't imagine a time when Edward would have been withdrawn and a problem for them. I noticed how Carlisle watched Edward's every move with pride.

"What is your major," Carlisle asked me.

"Nursing, I start my clinical's next semester," I offered.

"I'm sure Edward told you he is a pre med major."

"Yes, I help him often," I laughed.

Esme gave Edward and reproachful look and turned to me. "Didn't he tell you he was a Sterling Scholar and has a photographic memory?"

"No, he didn't," I said angrily and turned to Edward for an explanation.

"My past heavy drug use caused me to forget," he laughed.

"You partied and still became a Sterling Scholar? You owe me so much homework," I said softly to him.

"Come on, mom and dad, you're blowing it for me!"

We finished eating and made our way to the music room to listen to Edward play the piano. I was so glad his parents were in the room, because it was the only thing keeping me from stripping the clothes off of both of us. I was wondering how we would ever make it home without me attacking him in the car.

Esme asked me to help her get some coffee ready and I went with her nervously. She smiled and nodded for me to sit on the stool as she prepared the coffee. "Edward has talked about you constantly. He was so sad when he told us he didn't think you would ever go out with him."

"Edward is a great guy, I'm still not too sure he should waste his time on me."

"If Edward sees something wonderful in you, believe me, it is there. He is very picky about who he spends his time with. I think his past makes him wary of the wrong kind of people."

"I heard he was a handful."

"You have no idea," she laughed.

"He showed me the scars," I said in a soft voice, not sure if I should bring it up or not.

Her eyes began to water and she smiled at me. "It was the worst day of my life, but it turned him around, so I can't regret it happening."

I nodded and she continued. "It almost destroyed Carlisle; he is chief of surgery here in Seattle. When the Masen's accident happened Carlisle was working in Las Vegas. Mr. Masen was flown there and Carlisle was the one to work on him. He promised Mr. Masen he would look after Edward. Carlisle took that promise very seriously. When we almost lost him Carlisle felt so guilty."

Edward came walking into the room and hugged Esme lovingly. "I never wanted them to hurt because of me again," he said and then came to hug me.

"You are an amazing musician," I said in his arms.

"Thank you, I wanted you in there alone," he whispered.

"I know exactly what you mean," I said, and kissed him a little too aggressively in front of his mother.

"Let me give you the tour." He took my hand and led me through the very impressive house. It was all professionally decorated until we got to Edward's old room. It was covered with heavy metal posters and painted black. I looked at him confused and he only shrugged. "I couldn't change totally over night, what would the kids at school say?"

"I have no idea who you are?" I said honestly.

"I'm the guy who loves Bella," he answered.

I let my eyes fall and took a deep breath. He walked over to put his arms around me and waited for me to say something. I finally mumbled, "I can't say that, yet. I can't say those words back to you."

"I'm not wanting to hear those words, I'm wanting to hear you love yourself first. That is much more important!"

I looked up at him and stared into his eyes, "Am I just a project for you, a way to ease your own guilt?"

"My guilt is gone and my heart is free to love again. I want you to be free too. If I happen to be the one you decide to love, all the better. But, Bella, I am not walking away if you only want to be my friend."

"I think I am in lust with you," I said in a teasing tone, but knew I was speaking the truth.

"I'm a twenty-one year old male….I'll take that for now," he laughed.

"Is that why you brought me to this room, your den of sin, to steal my virtue?" I taunted him.

"I thought it would be a step above the elevator," he laughed.

"Gross, don't remind me," I pushed him away.

"So, when you say virtue….."

I only stared at him, making him ask for the information he was wanting. I could tell he was a bit nervous and I was loving every minute of it. He walked over to sit on his black bedspread and the contrast between his angelic face and the darkness of the room was palpable.

"You know I have a pretty raunchy background, and I'm not calling you raunchy or even insinuating anything by asking. I guess I am just curious to know, you know, about past partners."

"Let me see, there was Jake, who I only kissed. Oh yeah, and the guy that has seen me naked three or four times. But we can't forget about the almost rape in the elevator."

A slow smile grew on Edward's face and I could feel myself turning red. "Serious?" he asked.

"Don't pretend to be shocked," I said angrily.

"Shocked doesn't cover it, stunned would be a better word. Are you morally against pre-marital sex?"

I walked over to sit next to him and put my hand in his before speaking. "Jake was my world from the time I was six. I only went out with him until his death. Nobody else asked me out because they just assumed we were a couple."

"I'm sorry I let Mike do that to you," he said in shame.

"Why, because I'm a virgin or because Mike is a creep and shouldn't be allowed to date any woman?"

He didn't answer and it made me laugh. "Are you afraid of me now, Edward?"

He smiled and shook his head up and down, "Yeah, a bit. It's a lot of pressure."

"You never dated a virgin?" I asked in surprise.

"Um, there were some years there I wasn't sure who I had slept with, but I was running with a pretty rough crowd and sex was just another thing to hurt myself with."

"Have you ever been tested?" I asked, suddenly worried about diseases.

"My father is a doctor, protection was encouraged and provided."

"How did you lose your virginity?" I asked him, not really sure I wanted to hear the answer.

He looked at me with sad eyes and shrugged. "I'm not even sure. I was high or drunk and have no idea about most of the stuff I did."

"Okay, tell me about the first girl you remember," I pushed him.

His head dropped and I prepared myself for the answer. "A girl in rehab."

I began laughing hysterically and he pushed me onto my side, then pulled me onto the bed to lie in his arms. "What's so funny?"

"Your life is an after school special, has Dr. Drew called you yet?"

"Don't laugh at me," he said as he began tickling me.

"Okay, okay, uncle," I yelled.

He stared down at me for a moment and then rolled me over, so he was now underneath me. I took a deep breath and felt my heart beating quickly. His face turned so serious and I became nervous for what he was going to say.

"You need to do something, Bella. And I want you to agree to let me be there."

I tried to push away, but he held me tightly. "Please," he begged me.

"What," I finally asked.

"Show my everything, where you lived, where it happened, and where they are buried."

"No," I said emphatically.

"Yes," he said lovingly, "or we are finished.

I stared at him in stunned silence. "Are you serious?" I finally asked.

"Yes, I can't get involved with you if you are not trying to heal. I can't be part of your collapse; and it will happen if you don't keep moving forward."

I pulled out of his arms and he let me move to the other side of the room. I wanted to tell him to go screw himself, but just feeling his arms let go of me made me instantly miss him. I wanted a relationship with him, but I wanted to move very slowly. I didn't want to face such painful memories, especially so soon in our relationship.

"Bella," he said softly, "I know what I'm talking about. I sabotaged every relationship I had until I became healthy. I don't want that happening to us. You have to get rid of the guilt or it will ruin us."

I looked at his beautiful face and felt the panic rise inside me. I couldn't do this. The thought of looking at the road where I killed my best friend and mother was making me physically ill, and he wanted me to show it to him, Him, the man who made me forget the pain wanted to see it firsthand.

"Then we are finished," I said shakily.

He stared at me, having some kind of internal battle with himself. His resolve seemed to be weakening as my strengthened. He finally stood and opened his bedroom door leading me to the front of the house. His parents were sitting by a warm fire and Edward said our goodbyes.

They gave him a questioning look, but he led me to his car and drove away without an explanation.

"Why are you doing this?" I finally asked.

"Because I know where you are headed and I can't sit by and watch. I know it would take me down too."

"I'm not killing myself," I said angrily.

He reached over and took my hand and kissed my fingers. "Well, love, you are killing me."


	9. Chapter 9

Name: Shattered Glass

Author: Sdfreeze

Chapter 9

**Characters belong to Stephenie Meyer**

* * *

9

We parked and he walked over to open my door and I could see he was shaking. I reached out to grab his shirt and pulled him close to me. "Please, Edward," I begged.

"You don't even know what you are begging me for, do you?"

"Yes, I do. I am begging you not to end this. Give us a chance," I cried.

"That is exactly what I am doing. We have no chance at all if you don't face things. I have been right where you are and I know exactly what the fear feels like. I can't love you if the biggest emotion you have is fear. I deserve better, and so do you."

"So giving you a tour of my nightmare will make everything better?" I cried out, close to hysterics.

"Jesus Bella, I don't want just a tour. I want you to let go of the guilt and the pain, and come to terms with a horrible accident. Jake and your mother still love you. I love you, but you won't let me until you love yourself."

"I don't understand what it is supposed to accomplish. I'm doing better, I'm sleeping through the night, and I am letting you into my heart."

"I won't stand in Jake's shadow, and I won't watch you feel guilty for everything in your life your mom is going to miss. I lived my nightmare, Bella. Come to me when you wake up from yours." He turned and walked away, leaving me standing in the parking garage alone and crying.

"You are such a liar," I screamed at his retreating form. "You said you would stay and be my friend. You said that would be enough. You are just like Jake."

He spun around and pointed at me, "That right there, that is what I am talking about. You will sabotage us because everything will have to be on your terms. I am your friend, Bella. I just don't care to have constant blue balls as you play your games with me."

"Are you sure it isn't just too hard to have a relationship while you're sober? Maybe you are just not that interesting as plain old Edward, and the mommy killer is more fun," I said purposely trying to hurt him.

He looked at me for several moments and I kept my eyes narrowed in rage. He finally shook his head and chuckled, "Wow, you didn't even need a car for that blow."

I gasped and he turned to walk away.

I made my way like a zombie to my room. Alice and Rose ran in to see how our date had gone. "What happened?" Alice asked.

"He broke up with me," I said in tears.

"Why?" Rosalie pushed.

I sat on my bed and felt the anger rise up in me. "Because I won't let him be my personal shrink. He is convinced he knows what is best for me, and I am so angry I could just scream."

"Do you want me to talk to him?" Rose asked.

"No, I want nothing more than to forget all about Edward. Victoria can have him for all I care." I fell onto my pillow and cried as they both tried to comfort me.

The following morning I sat in class hoping Edward wouldn't come, but at the same time wanting him to tell me it was all a joke and beg for my forgiveness. He never came, and never showed up at work during my shift.

The following week I was stunned when the professor asked a question and called out for Mr. Cullen to answer it. I spun around to see Edward on the very back row, unshaven and looking very tired. He answered the question and then headed out the door. I stopped looking toward the back of the room.

The days turned into weeks and I began to fall into a deep depression.

Emmett was helping Rosalie decorate a small Christmas tree as I worked on homework. "Bella, how's life?" he asked me.

I looked up at him and he smiled, making my heart ache. Without answering I moved to my room and was surprised when he followed. "You guys have to end this, it is destroying you both."

"This is what Edward wants, he chose this not me."

"Go talk to him, he's falling apart, and look at you."

"What is wrong with me?"

"Do you even eat anymore? You are a rail."

"Yeah, well I'm trying for the whole waif thing," I said sarcastically.

"Bella, I'm going to be brutally honest with you. You are messing up the best thing you could ever hope to have. Edward is an amazing person to have in your life, and you are too prideful to admit it. What a damn shame."

I grabbed my coat in anger and stormed out the door. I had nowhere to go and ended up in the University bookstore. I walked around looking at the Christmas decorations and felt sick to my stomach. I stared at the bright lights and suddenly remembered something. The house on the corner had twinkling snowflakes hanging from the tree in the yard. It was so beautiful and such a contrast to my memories of that night.

I found an ornament shaped like a snowflake and bought it. I had it wrapped and made my way back to the apartment. I got off on the top floor and walked past my door to stand in front of Edward's. I slowly reached out with my hand and knocked. The door opened and I was shocked to see him. He wasn't smiling and his face was covered in a beard. I didn't recognize the man in front of me. He leaned on the door frame and looked at the gift in my hand.

"Um…I remembered something about that night, something beautiful. It made me think of you. You are something beautiful in my life that I have overlooked."

I held out the box to him and he reached up slowly to take hold of my wrist and pulled me to him. He didn't put his arms around me; he only stood right up against me, still holding my wrist. I looked into his eyes and confessed some more things.

"I knew I would mess this up. I knew I would find some way to make you stop wanting me, because I am not worthy of your love. You are one of a kind, unique, and beautiful; my ugliness will only hurt you."

He took a deep breath and I hurried to speak before he could, "Edward, I think you are so kind, and loving, and smart, and funny, and sexy as hell. I didn't mean what I said to you that day."

"Would it be wrong to kiss you?" he said in almost a whisper.

"Yes, but I hope you do anyway."

He ran his fingers up my arms and placed his hands on each shoulder. He pulled me forward until his mouth landed on mine, then let his hands slip around my back holding me tightly to him. I moaned and he pulled me tighter yet, causing me to drop the box and run my hands up his chest.

I heard somebody clear their throat and we broke apart to see Jasper standing in front of us. "Em and I will stay with the girls tonight. You two can have the apartment. "

Edward nodded and bent down to pick up the box I had dropped. He placed his hand on my back and led me to the couch. I sat nervously while he tossed the box up and down in his hands.

"Are you going to open it?" I asked.

He smiled and said quietly, "Yeah, but not here."

I knew what he meant and I felt my throat tighten. He was not giving in on his request and the only way I could see him open the box is to take him to Forks. I took a steadying breath and tried to smile.

"Edward, lie to me….just for tonight. Tell me everything is going to be okay and we can make this work."

He sat the box next to him and scooted closer to me. I leaned in and placed my hand on his neck, hoping he would close the distance and kiss me. He stopped short, but kept his eyes closed as he said, "I know with all my mind and my heart this is wrong, but I am having a really hard time caring right now."

"Why is it wrong?" I breathed .

"Because you are only doing this to try and forget. I am the perfect distraction to Christmas, and I want to be so much more for you," he said, keeping his eyes closed.

I let my arm drop from his neck and moved back to look at him. His head dropped and he took a deep breath before finally looking at me. He smiled softly, but it was too hard to see his face covered in the beard. I reached out and ran my fingers through it, causing him to suddenly remember he actually had facial hair.

"Oh, sorry. Do you want me to shave?" he asked.

"Will there be a reason for me to want you to shave?" I asked back.

He laughed and wiggled his eyebrows, "It would be a first for me."

"Then leave it," I said seductively, not really even sure what we were talking about.

His expression became very serious and he picked up my hand to gently kiss my fingers. I couldn't help the sigh that escaped from my lips, and it seemed to cause him pain. He tightened his shut eyes and when they opened they were watery.

"So," he said, "just so I understand, you are only asking for this one night?"

I thought about his question and wanted to scream at him that I was asking for every moment of every day, but his terms were too difficult.

"Edward, I am making progress at my own pace. I had a memory of that night that wasn't bloody or horrific. That is progress, right?"

"I wish I didn't know exactly what was to come. It would make it so much easier for me to pretend we could work, but I know better. I remembered my mother giving me a piece of gum before the accident. But it didn't stop me from imploding. You need professional help, Bella. This is something you can't do on your own."

"Can it be something separate from us? Can I get help at my pace and still have a relationship with you?"

"Sweetheart," he said painfully, "You asked me to lie to you. Do you understand how easy it would be for me to pull you into my arms and carry you to my bed? I want you so badly, but not as a way to help you forget. I'm done with hook ups. I'm looking for something that will last."

"If I was using sex to forget don't you think I would have a revolving door outside my bedroom? I'm not doing drugs and I'm not trying to hurt myself. I'm falling for a great guy, something I thought I would never be able to do, but it isn't enough for him. He wants my past along with my future and I don't understand that."

"You can't offer only a part of yourself to someone, Bella. There was a time I would have been happy with just your future, hell, there was a time I would have been happy with just a half an hour of your time. I can't destroy my recovery for you, especially for you."

Anger shot through me and I moved back further on the couch. "What does that mean…especially for you?"

"I love you," he said bluntly and I felt like he had slapped my face. I gasped and moved further from him still. He shook his head and his shoulders slumped. "Did you honestly think I would have sex with you, and not want to make love to you? I told you if the woman I loved only wanted sex from me it would break my heart."

"I don't want you to love me, Edward," I said as my hands began to shake. "Can't we just be a man and a woman who enjoy each other?"

He reached out and grabbed the remote control and turned on the television. "Sure, what do you want to watch?"

"What?" I asked in shock.

"I'll make some popcorn, we'll snuggle up on the couch and watch a show, and then I will take your virginity, so you can focus on that memory around Christmas time next year."

I stood to leave and he grabbed my arm and pulled me back onto the couch. I could tell he was angry and I tried not to look at him when he spoke. "No… that isn't how you saw the night going? Tell me what you had in mind."

"I thought you would open the damn gift and encourage me for making progress. If it led to the bed I was willing, but I didn't expect anything and I wasn't trying to use you to change my view of Christmas. You are so conceded and such an ass sometimes. "

He grabbed the box lying next to him and opened it in haste. He pulled the ornament from the box and placed it on the tree before turning to me. "That is amazing, Bella, how you thought of snow on that night when your memories are usually of Jake's crushed face."

He ignored the tears streaming down my face and grabbed my arm to pull me flat onto the couch as he laid on top of me and began kissing me as he grinded his pelvis into me. I tried to push him off, but he was too strong. He reached up and pulled my hoodie so hard it ripped at the zipper. I registered what he was trying to do and knew he would never rape me. He was just trying to make a point.

I grabbed his hair and pulled hard as I wrapped my legs around him, pinning him to me. He hesitated for a moment and his lip froze on mine. "Don't stop now," I said angrily against his mouth. "I'm getting a glimpse at the old Edward, or should I say the real Edward."

He pushed off the couch and stood with his hands on his knees trying to slow his breathing. We were both hurt and angry, and I knew I needed to get out of there, but my adrenalin was pumping quickly through my body and I couldn't think clearly. I stood to face him and when he stood upright I pushed him hard in the chest. He planted his feet and I pushed again, but this time he didn't budge.

"Come on Edward, after all your self awareness and personal growth, it turns out you are just another prick. Don't try to play pious with me, I finally got to the real guy underneath the charade."

"If it helps to blame me go ahead. I have been honest about my messed up life, and if you want to point fingers at me I'm man enough to take it. But when you look in the mirror it is your face staring back, not mine."

I laughed hysterically at him as I backed away. "I can't believe I almost fell for your whole routine. You were so close to getting me to think you actually knew what you were talking about. You're not fixed, you just play the part of someone who is fixed. You want me because my screwed up life makes you seem normal. Well guess what, Edward? I'm the normal one. I understand what I did is despicable and will change my life forever. You just stuck new people in for the old and pretend nothing ever happened. I refuse to let you see my heartache first hand just to make you feel like less of a murderer."

He lunged at me and grabbed my arm pulling me to the door. He opened it and I expected to be thrown into the hallway, but instead he kissed me hard. While we were still connected he walked me into the hallway and finally broke away.

"When you realize you owe me an apology come find me, or at least leave a note when you finally slit your wrists, so I can stop hoping you'll pull your head out of your ass."

He turned and walked back into the apartment, slamming the door in my face. I kicked the door several times in anger, wishing I had the strength to break it down, and felt a weird dizzy sensation. The door began to spin and I felt like I was going to throw up.

I finally went back to my apartment and stormed in as Rose, Emmett, Alice and Jasper stared in stunned silence. I slammed the door on my bedroom and quickly packed a bag.

I had three weeks until the next semester started and I had no intentions of staying in Seattle. I made my way to the bus depot and boarded the first bus leaving. It was headed to Phoenix, where my mom had a sister, so I climbed aboard and said goodbye to my life in Seattle.


	10. Chapter 10

Name: Shattered Glass

Author: Sdfreeze

Chapter 10

**Characters belong to Stephenie Meyer**

* * *

10

_Dear Dad,_

_I know you wanted a phone call and not just another email, but I need some space. I am working at a nursing home and will get back in school when I establish residency. I have my own place now and things are really looking up. Thank you for being so understanding and for picking up my stuff in Seattle. My place here is furnished and my clothes don't really work in this hot climate, so don't bother sending them. I know I haven't given you my address but I need to work things out on my own. _

_Congratulations on your engagement. I am sure you and Sue will be very happy._

_Love, Bella_

There were several things I left out of my email on purpose. I didn't want my father to know I was working weekends at a bar to make ends meet. I was making great tips and my attitude kept the losers away. I also volunteered for extra shifts at the nursing home, so I wouldn't have downtime to think about how much my heart was aching.

_Dad,_

_I won't be able to come for the wedding, but know I will be with you in spirit. I just can't face coming to Forks and I know you will understand. Things are good here and I am looking into some classes for next semester. I might just take one or two since tuition will be so high for another year. Merry Christmas._

_Bella_

I couldn't believe I had been in Arizona for a year already. Things were not as good as I led my dad to believe. I began partying with some girls from the club and drinking to forget my problems. One thing I hadn't counted on was how hard it made it to wake up in the morning, so I quit my job at the nursing home and began dancing at the club for extra money. I was dating a little, nobody serious, just guys from the club who came to see me dance. I couldn't really call it dating, since most of the time I had no memory the next morning of who I had been with or what we had done. It was easier not knowing.

_Dad,_

_Stop calling me. I'm busy. I'm not coming to Forks and I have friends here, so go on with your life, and let me go on with mine._

_B_

I was actually a little worried he would come down here and drag me home, but I was twenty-three and I'm sure he knows he doesn't have a legal leg to stand on. My days and weeks were beginning to run together. I was having blackouts that lasted several days. I met a man at the club who introduced me to prescription narcotics. It was something that finally took the pain in my heart away.

He gave me all I wanted at first, and then began demanding I help procure them by going to doctors and faking injuries. Once I became so addicted I couldn't go a day without the pills he brought 'friends' for me to keep company for fresh supplies.

I couldn't believe I didn't see what was happening. It all rolled together and I couldn't say when I went to the next step. I just went along with the direction my life was taking without asking questions. I was lying on the dirty bathroom floor, some man I didn't know was in my bed, and I was shaking from withdrawals.

I pulled myself up to the mirror over the sink to see someone unrecognizable staring back at me. She was dirty and too thin, with stringy hair and dark circles under her eyes. I reached out and touched her face, tracing the tears falling from her eyes. I wanted to help her and there was only one way to do it.

I walked into the kitchen and looked through the dirty dishes in the sink to find a knife. I thought I would feel fear or remorse, but I felt nothing. I sat inside the tub and let my mind wander for just a moment to Edward. He told me to leave a note when this happened, so I grabbed a pen from my purse and wrote on my thigh, 'Edward Cullen of Seattle, you can stop having hope now.'

I ran the knife over my wrist and watched in fascination as the blood ran down my arm and into the dirty tub. I cut the second wrist and began to feel dizzy. I let my head fall back and I shut my eyes.

"Bella, can you hear me? Bella, open your eyes."

I heard someone talking to me, but I couldn't respond. I couldn't piece together where I was or what was happening to me. I wanted to sleep and my whole body was relaxed for once, so I ignored the voice. I suddenly felt a sharp sting on my face and the voice got louder.

"Bella, open your eyes."

I tried to open my eyes, but a bright light was making it difficult. I struggled for a few more moments and finally focused on an older man in a white coat. I turned my head to look around and saw I was in a hospital. The smell was making me sick and I began vomiting into my own hair. Some nurses came to my side and pushed a plastic container under me.

My entire body began to shake uncontrollably and I was given a shot of something that slowly warmed its way through my veins. I turned to look at the man again and he was holding my arm, looking down at my bandaged wrists. It was at that moment I realized what had happened.

"No," I screamed and tried to pull back my sore wrists. "I didn't want to be saved. I want to die," I screamed with all my might.

I felt another shot of something warm go into me and sleep slowly covered my mind. Time ceased to mean anything to me and I was only briefly aware of someone holding my hand. "Dad," I called out but fell back into the darkness before hearing him answer.

I suddenly gasped and sat up in a bed. I looked around the room which was brightly decorated and looked like a dorm room. I looked at my wrists to see bright red scars but no stitches. The wounds were beginning to heal and I had no memory surrounding what had happened in the past weeks.

I slowly climbed out of bed just as a young woman walked into the room. "Hi," she said hesitantly.

"Who are you?" I asked in a panic.

"I'm your roommate," she announced.

I looked around again thinking I was back in college. "Where am I?"

She laughed and shook her head, "I'll go get the nurse."

I waited until an elderly woman dressed in a white nurse's uniform came into the room. "We're not going to have any problems with you are we?" She asked.

"Where am I?" I asked again.

"You are in a rehabilitation center. You are not here voluntarily, but on a court order, so don't plan on leaving anytime soon."

"How did I get here?"

"That is what you will discover in therapy," she smiled.

"No, I mean physically here. Who brought me here?"

"I don't know sweetie, I just know you are here and we will take very good care of you."

At that point a man walked into the room dressed in a lab coat. He motioned for me to sit in a chair and he pulled his seat close to mine. "Bella, I'm . You will be under my care while you are here. There are some rules you must obey. You must get out of bed each morning and dress for the day. You must take your medication and eat three meals. Most importantly, you must attend group sessions as well as private counseling sessions. Do you understand?"

I nodded and he smiled gently. "Okay, I will get out of the way and let you dress. Group will be in 30 minutes and Angela will show you where to go."

I watched him walk out and my roommate came back into the room. "Are you Angela?" I asked.

She nodded and opened the closet door. "Your clothes are on the left."

I stared into the closet and didn't recognize one thing. I was too afraid to admit that to her, so I grabbed some jeans and a t-shirt and dressed.

I followed her into the hallway and down a narrow corridor. When we turned the corner I gasped loudly. I stared in shock out the window at the green surroundings and the gently falling rain. "This isn't Arizona," I yelled.

Angela walked over to me and took my hand. "Bella, this is Washington State."

I backed against a wall and collapsed onto the floor, pulling my knees up and hiding my face. I was speaking but nothing was making sense until I felt Dr. Laurent's hands pulling me to my feet.

"Bella," he said calmly, "your father brought you home. You are safe here."

Angela and Dr. Laurent helped me walk to the large conference room and I sat around a table with a group of strangers staring at me. Angela continued to hold my hand as the doctor took his place at the head of the table.

"Everyone this is Bella Swan, she will be joining our group from now on."

I glanced around the table but didn't make eye contact with anyone. I pulled my knees up again and rested my chin on them as I kept hold of Angela's hand.

A young man of Asian descent looked at me and asked, "Why did you try to kill yourself?"

I looked around at all the faces waiting for me to answer. I felt my pulse speed up and I felt trapped. I lowered my head into my hands and hoped they would move on to someone else. Angela patted my back as everyone continued to wait.

"Bella?" Dr. Laurent called out.

I looked up at him and he smiled, "You are safe here and can answer."

"I don't know," I said harshly.

Everyone in the group began grumbling and talking all at once. Dr. Laurent called them all to order and everyone looked at me again. I began to get angry and felt like I had a room full of Edward's staring at me.

"I have problems," I yelled.

"Obviously," someone yelled back.

"I just found it easier to check out. I didn't want to deal with anything and my escape mechanisms weren't working anymore. "

"What were your escape mechanisms?" a woman asked.

"Drugs, sex, alcohol, anything that made me not have to think."

The group finally moved on, bored of my story since it was so ordinary. They had all lived through my experiences and were fighting to come out healthy. I listened to the various stages everyone was at and realized many were on their second and third round of being institutionalized. I was going to be doing this all over again if I didn't find a way to fix the broken things in my life.

When group ended I stood to leave, but Dr. Laurent asked me to remain sitting. I watched as Angela left the room and I instantly missed the comfort she brought to me. I sat playing with my hands and felt my mouth turn dry.

"Bella, I have never allowed this before, but you have a visitor and I asked him to join our session today."

"No, I can't let him see me like this. He has been hurt so much and I can't do this to him anymore," I begged.

"He understands and he can be helpful in your recovery," Dr. Laurent pushed.

"No," I shook my head, "I look awful and I want to be healthier before I face him. He still thinks of me as his little girl; let him believe the lie…please."

Dr. Laurent opened the door and I let my face fall into my hands in embarrassment. I heard him walk towards me and I begged, "Dad, please."

He knelt in front of me and took my hands in his and pulled them from my eyes. It took me a second to focus through the tears and to realize it wasn't Charlie in front of me, it was Edward. I gasped and pulled my hands from his as I grabbed the table and tried to move away from him.

I was speaking, but I couldn't focus on what I was saying; whatever it was caused tears to form in Edward's eyes too.

Dr. Laurent took hold of my shoulders and sat me in a chair on the opposite side from Edward. "Bella, I was Edward's therapist when he was here. He knows what you are feeling, he went through this too."

Edward wiped his face and then said, "I'm still your friend Bella. When the hospital called me I rushed to your side."

"Why did they call you?" I asked in shock.

He reached into his pocket and showed me a picture of myself, lying on a gurney with my leg exposed. I read the writing on my leg and crumpled the picture in my hand. "Are you here to say 'I told you so'?"

He took a shaky breath and said, "I'm here to say I love you."

I began shaking my head as visions played over and over of the things I had done. I was so far from the girl he met and there was no way he would want me now. "Edward," I said softly.

"Yes," he replied.

I looked up at him as my heart ached, "Go home."

Edward brought his fingers to the bridge of his nose and spoke in frustration, "Bella, shut up."

My mouth fell open and something made me start laughing. I couldn't stop no matter what. The absurdity of my situation seemed somehow hysterical and I gave up trying to fight it. "Okay," I howled, "stay for the show, do you want some popcorn?"

Edward chuckled and said, "It's just a remake for me…I saw the original."

"Yeah, tell me how it ends," I laughed.

"You work like hell and walk out those doors to a happy life," he said as his smile faded.

"And you….what….wait for me? And just so you know the pressures off, I'm no longer a virgin."

His jaw tightened and it took him a moment to respond but he finally looked into my eyes and plunged the knife, "I'm willing to bet you've only had sex, nobody's made love to you yet."

"Semantics," I said hatefully.

"You'll see," he said before Dr. Laurent interrupted.

"Bella, tell me about the bathtub, what made you climb in there that day?"

I stared in disbelief and finally took a deep breath, "It was no different from any other day."

"Really?" Edward interjected, "because I think you looked in a mirror and hated what you saw. You were most likely having withdrawals and some jackass was crashed in your bed."

I couldn't look at him, but he continued, "You know how I know, because that was how it happened with me. You think you can live your life on your belly, but one day it becomes too much and you look in a mirror. Did you look in a mirror, Bella?"

I only nodded.

"And some crack whore was looking back, right? You tried to search your mind for how you ended up in that spot but you swear you never saw it coming. That's when death becomes the most viable option."

We all sat in silence for several moments until I heard Edward sniff. I looked up to see him crying and he pointed at me, "Why was this preferable to me, Bella?"

"You didn't want me," I accused.

"Bullshit, you walked away from me."

"You were asking too much," I said softly.

"Yeah, I can see how this was much easier than letting me love you."

I stood in anger and pointed back at him, "You're damn right it is. You want to discuss my drug habit, my blackouts, and my prostitution? I will even tell you all about the knife I used to slit my wrists and compare scars with you, but I will not discuss that night, not even now."

"Then get used to staring at these walls, because it is this or a coffin," he screamed at the top of his lungs and stood to walk way.

"No, Edward, don't go," I cried, "Don't leave me here alone."

He came over and held me tightly in his arms as he whispered in my hair, "Bella, what is it? You're okay, baby. You're okay."

I opened my eyes to see a room I didn't recognize. I was in a bed and in Edward's arms. I sat up and looked around trying to make sense of what was going on around me. He sat up next to me and stared at my confused face. I suddenly remembered something and brought my hands up to look at the pink scars, but there was nothing there. My arms were not bruised and covered with needle tracks. I stared back at Edward's bearded face.


	11. Chapter 11

Name: Shattered Glass

Author: Sdfreeze

Chapter 11

**Characters belong to Stephenie Meyer**

* * *

11

I automatically push him away from me as I tried to think. I remembered feeling dizzy and Edward carrying me back into his apartment. I was trying to focus on things from that point, but he interrupted me.

"What's going on Bella?" he asked anxiously.

"Did we have a fight?" I asked almost in tears.

"I told you I was sorry," he said sadly.

"For what?" I was beginning to panic.

He reached up with his hand and moved some hair from my eyes. "For everything. I won't push you anymore."

"Did you open the box?"

His head dropped and he shook it up and down. "Again, I'm sorry for how I responded."

I looked at my shirt to see it was torn by the zipper and tried to understand what was real and what wasn't.

"Did I leave?" I asked him.

"Do you want to leave, Bella?"

I stood and began pacing as I tried to remember things. He watched me for several minutes and finally spoke. "I think you had a nightmare, love."

I began to cry and fell to my knees. It had seemed so real that my relief was overwhelming. I wasn't going to have to face my father and watch the pain on his face. I wasn't some whore, unworthy of a man like Edward. I knew with a burning certainty that would be my life if I didn't heal. Edward was right, and I couldn't take him down with me.

"Edward, it was awful. I left Seattle and my life was so dreadful." I held up my wrists again to make sure it had really been a dream.

He sprang from the bed and held me, rocking me back and forth as he spoke into my ear, "I would never allow that to happen, Bella. I would follow you to the ends of the earth and never let anything happen to you."

I clung to him and told him what my heart was dying to say, "I love you, Edward."

His arms tightened and he kissed the top of my head over and over again as we cried together on his bedroom floor. The only light was coming from the Christmas tree in the other room; it was beautiful.

I finally pulled back to see his face. He smiled lovingly at me as he wiped away my tears.

"I want to invite you to Forks for Christmas," I said with a shaky voice.

His smile widened and he teased, "Wow, must have been some dream."

I laughed in a terrified way. "I turned into a drug addict prostitute without you."

His grin fell and he ran his hands down my arms to hold both of my hands in his, as he shook his head furiously. "No," he said adamantly, "no man touches my angel."

I stared into his eyes trying to find the nerve to say what I was feeling, "Make me yours," I whispered. "I need you to love me. I will do anything to heal, I promise."

He kept his eyes staring into mine as he reached out and unzipped the torn hoodie. He gently pushed it down my arms and his eyes narrowed, "Bella, you are so thin."

"Nothing mattered without you," I said truthfully. "I pretended to be okay, but it was a lie."

He stopped undressing me and leaned over to look directly into my eyes again. "Everything will get better, I promise."

"It already is," I assured him as I reached out to pull his shirt off of him. I ran my hands over his chest and moved to unbutton his jeans. His hands moved to untie my sweatpants and we both stood to remove our pants.

He pulled me into his arms again and began kissing me lightly. We tried to keep everything slow and gentle, but soon our lust took over as we panted and mauled each other. I couldn't get enough of him. Every kiss seemed to short, every touch too light, until we were finally completely joined together.

"Are you okay, Bella?" he asked in strained breaths.

"Perfect," I reassured him. "You are amazing, Edward. Everything about you is amazing."

"I love you," he breathed while trying to keep his concentration.

"Then move your ass and make me scream," I said, only half teasing.

Making love with Edward was more than I ever imagined. He was the perfect blend of passionate and gentle. My body was an instrument he played with perfection. When I asked him how I should move or where I should touch him, he showed me without hesitation.

I knew I could now face anything with him by my side. I also knew I would have never been able to love Jake the way he wanted. This was the first step in going home to face my past, and I was ready.

Our sweaty bodies were entwined in just the sheets as we fought to become coherent. Edward's chest was rising and falling and it held me mesmerized. I wanted to remember this moment forever. Nothing in my entire life had ever been so wonderful.

"I love you," I said again, feeling it so much deeper than the first time I said it.

He put his finger under my chin and brought my face up to meet his. "Hearing those words from you means more than you can imagine. I love you too, Bella."

He kissed me slowly and deeply and I could feel the love he was pouring into the gesture. My arms tightened around him and I felt the tears begin to fall. He felt them fall onto his face and pulled away, "Are you sad?" he asked.

"No, these are tears of joy. I feel alive for the first time in a year."

His finger traced my tears then he pulled the sheet up to wipe them away for good. He pulled from my arms and I complained with a loud groan. "I'm running us a bath," he said as he walked into his bathroom. I scooted to the edge of the bed, but he held up his hand to stop me.

"You wait right there," he winked.

I waited for him as he filled the tub with bubbles and lit some candles. He came back to the room and picked me up in his arms. His smile instantly faded and his brow furrowed. "After the bath I'm making you a protein shake."

"You know girls love being called skinny," I teased.

"You were skinny before, you are emaciated now….and guys don't like skeletal girls."

I stuck my bottom lip out and said, "You don't like my body?"

He chuckled and placed me into the bath and then pulled my back against his chest, "I think you can tell how much I like your body," he said into my ear, giving me goose bumps up and down my arms. "I just want more to like."

"You remember this conversation, Edward Cullen. When I can't fit into this tub, you remember you asked for it."

"I can always buy a bigger tub," he teased.

I pulled his arms tighter around my waist and added, "But you can't grow longer arms."

He surprised me by placing his hands, palms down, on my stomach. "I can't wait to see you pregnant with our child."

I sat up quickly, causing the water to splash over the side onto the floor, and he laughed at my panicked expression. "Um.. horse then cart, Edward."

"I'm just musing about the long term possibilities," he laughed.

"Well, muse to yourself," I instructed as I moved back against his chest.

"Tell me about your childhood," he said as he brought his arms back around my waist.

"I was a gawky, awkward child," I laughed.

"Favorite doll?"

"I had a doll that could do somersaults, but she pissed me off when I couldn't do them as good as her," I remembered.

"Barbie's?"

"Are you freaking kidding me? Barbie is my sister, I wouldn't have made it through my parents divorce without her."

"We should set her up with my brother, G.I. Joe," he laughed.

"We can't, she's a pacifist, and her gay boyfriend Ken would object."

"Bella," he said as his arms tightened. "Barbie needs to meet Joe and let go of her Jake."

It was silent for a moment as we both held our breaths. I finally managed to speak, "Jake wasn't gay."

Edward kissed my ear before saying, "Neither is Ken."

I nodded and tried to change the subject. "Who was your favorite Ninja Turtle?"

"Raphael, because he cussed."

I laughed loudly and moved to the X-men. "I loved Gambit," Edward admitted. "I used to walk around with a stack of cards and flicked them at people."

He quickly asked the next question, "What was your favorite Halloween costume?"

I hesitated and sat quietly causing Edward to bring his head around my shoulder to look at me. I smiled and spoke softly, "One year my school was having its Halloween party on a Thursday and Jake's was on a Friday…"

"You went to different schools?" he asked surprised.

"Yes, Jake is Quileute, he went to school on the reservation."

"I didn't know that," he said under his breath.

"The article said he was from La Push, that is a town on the Quileute Reservation," I clarified for him.

"Okay, back to the costume," he said.

"Um, we came up with a plan to get out of a day of school. We got a huge sweatshirt of Billy's, Jake's dad, and cut a hole in it. We told our parents we were conjoined twins and had to go together to the class parties."

"Did they fall for it?" he chuckled

"Yeah, but we found out pretty quickly it is not fun being conjoined twins. We fought for two days straight. Now your turn."

"I don't know about favorite, but my most memorable was when my mom dressed me as a leprechaun. Luckily, it snowed in Chicago that year and I had to wear a coat over my costume"

"I want pictures Cullen, and don't pretend they don't exist," I laughed.

He pushed me forward and had me turn on the hot water for a minute to heat up the cooling tub. When I finally moved back into his arms he whispered in my ear. "One more question, and then I will feed you."

"Okay, but I get one last question too."

"Deal," he said. "Tell me your biggest fantasy."

I didn't hesitate and began instantly talking, which seemed to startle Edward. "I want to take my hand and…"

"Wait, wait, wait," he laughed. "You have to give a guy a second."

"You asked," I pointed out.

"I know, but I thought you would need a moment to think."

"Edward, I was a twenty-one year old virgin, believe me I have had plenty of moments to think."

"Okay, hold that thought and let me get some food into you before this takes a turn in another direction."

"Chicken," I accused him.

"What was your last question?" he asked me.

"Why is someone as wonderful as you interested in me?"

He began kissing my neck and I thought it was his way of deflecting the answer, but he lifted his mouth to my ear and spoke, "I first saw you two years ago. I passed you every single day in the English building and never had the nerve to speak to you. When you walked into my lab I could tell something awful had happened in your life. I knew I would be able to help, so I asked to be your lab partner."

I sat quietly so he continued, "I was stunned when I found out you worked in the shop. I never had an interest in my dad's businesses, but I suddenly became very interested. The more I was around you, the more I had to be around you."

"I thought you were a stalker," I laughed.

"I was," he admitted.

He stood and wrapped a towel around his waist before handing one to me. "Let's eat, and then make your fantasy come true."

It was a good thing classes were out for Christmas break and Edward was in charge of my work schedule. We couldn't seem to find a way to tear ourselves from each other. Edward never brought up the trip to Forks, but I did notice he had left a break of five days in my schedule, so I assumed we would be going the week of Christmas.

We were having Sunday brunch at his parents house when he took my hand and announced he would be spending Christmas with me at my father's house. I had to swallow the food in my mouth so I wouldn't choke. I could tell it wasn't news to his parents; by the way they both looked at me and smiled knowingly.

"I'm sorry, if you would rather Edward stay home for Christmas, I understand," I wanted them to refuse to let him out the door, so I had an excuse to stay too. But they were as gracious as always and promised to keep the tree up until we returned.

I truly hoped it would be a quick trip and I would come back a whole new Bella.


	12. Chapter 12

Name: Shattered Glass

Author: Sdfreeze

Chapter 12

**Characters belong to Stephenie Meyer**

* * *

12

I was staring lovingly at Edward as he drove his father's Range Rover toward Forks. I had packed a ton of tissue, but right now I was reveling in being alone with the man I loved. Charlie was thrilled to hear I was coming and was even more thrilled to hear Edward was coming with me.

"Are you sure humans live out here somewhere?" Edward joked after driving an hour without seeing anything but trees.

"Hey, don't make fun of logging towns. Real people live out here."

"And city people aren't real?" he asked.

"There," I yelled as we came around a turn, "pull in there."

Edward pulled the black vehicle into the dusty parking lot of a small convenience store. "I need to pee," I announced.

"It's all that Mountain Dew you drink," he chastised as he got out of the car.

I smiled and lifted my shirt to flash him, "Buy me another one, while I pee."

"Keep doing that and I'll buy you a case," he laughed and headed to the cold freezer in the back.

I came out of the bathroom and didn't see Edward in the store, so I went outside. I didn't see him in the car either, so I sat on the bench out front. I waited for a few minutes when the bell over the door brought me out of my thoughts.

Edward was beaming and was holding a bag way too big for just a soda. "You won't believe what I found," he said like a six year old at Christmas.

"What?" I laughed.

"You drive and I'll show you," he said as he tossed me the keys.

My hands froze and they fell to the ground in front of me. I felt the blood slowly drain from my face and Edward rushed over to help me sit back on the bench.

"I didn't realize you haven't driven since then," he apologized.

I shook my head and he gently kissed my forehead.

"It's okay, love. You will be driving again soon." He reached inside the bag and pulled out some candy Dots as his smile grew. "I didn't know they still made these," he announced.

"Hardened sugar stuck to paper thrills you?"

"Not just Dots but look what else," he said as he pulled Pixie Sticks and Razzles from the bag.

"That is sick, Edward. It's just colored sugar, and who knows what the hell Razzles are."

"Razzles are candy that turns into gum," he said as if solving world hunger.

"It's chalk that turns into paste," I clarified.

"So, does this mean I get to eat them all myself?"

I stood and took the bag from his hand, "You drive and I'll feed you."

He followed me to the car door and pushed me against the metal to kiss me hard. "See what you do to me," he said as he pulled my hand to the zipper of his jeans.

"I'm not sure if that is me or the Razzles," I laughed.

"Well, it's actually the Dots," he teased.

I lowered my hand and tightened my grip. His eyes widened and he yelled, "Okay, it's you, it's all you."

"You're such a good boy," I said as I leaned in to kiss him.

"Is there a place we can stop for the night and I'll show you what a good boy I can be?"

"Port Angeles is about an hour and a half away," I said as I kissed his neck.

He looked at the back of the vehicle and I pushed him away, "Not on your life," I declared and climbed into my seat.

He laughed and got into the driver's seat. "How about this, we spend the night there and have our own private Christmas. Then, we tackle Forks tomorrow," he offered.

I thought about the drama we had in front of us and the idea of giving him his gift before we faced all of that sounded wonderful. But one problem stood in the way…one 200 pound problem.

"I can't tell Charlie we're staying in a hotel instead of coming to his house, and just so you know we will not be sleeping in the same room."

He looked shocked and began shaking his head. "You tell him whatever lie you want, but there is no way I'm going to Forks tonight after hearing that news."

"Afraid the sugar is going to keep you up all night?"

"Yes, you will be keeping me up all night, sugar," he said in his sexy voice.

I laughed and looked at the never ending road. "Drive faster, Edward."

"There is always the back," he laughed.

"I'll wait."

"I can't wait to see you open your present," he teased.

"Give me a hint," I pressed.

"Guess; I will tell you if you get it right."

"Okay, um…a new hoodie for the one you tore?"

"Not even close."

"A softer pillow for your bed?"

"You don't like my pillows?" he said with a shocked face.

"No, they are like bricks."

"They conform to your head and they were very expensive," he defended as if his pillows were an extension of his self esteem.

"They are expensive conforming bricks."

"Fine, bring your own pillow with you next time," he said offended.

"You're mad," I laughed. "I can't believe you get mad because I don't like your pillows."

"Is there anything else in my bed you are unhappy with," he said with a hurt tone.

"Yes, there is," I said forcefully and I saw Edward's brow furrow. "I don't like how early you wake up. I would like to stay in your arms longer."

He exhaled loudly and I realized he was actually nervous to hear my complaint. "You scared me, Bella."

I reached over and ran my fingers through his hair and rubbed his neck. "Edward, I have nothing but praise for how you perform in bed. You are amazing, and ninety percent of the time when I am out of your bed it is all I can think about."

He smiled and I saw him blush a bit. "Nobody and I mean _no body_ has ever thrilled me like yours. I think you were made just for me."

Now it was my turn to blush and I smiled at his compliment. "Okay, let me guess my gift again," I said, but he shook his head.

"I have to buy you a damn pillow now, so Merry Christmas."

I couldn't help but laugh at him and leaned over to kiss his cheek. "I love you Edward Cullen, but a new pillow would make me yours forever."

"Does Port Angela have a Bed, Bath and Beyond?"

"It's Port Angeles, and you better get all the pillow talk out of your mind before you meet my father. "

I began feeding Edward the candy and even tried a Razzle myself, but ended up spitting it out the window. We both got excited when Port Angeles came into view. "Is the Red Lion a nice hotel?"

"I think so, but I'm not a world traveler like you. It has nice views of the waterfront and also the mountains."

He nodded and headed towards the downtown. "Plus, it has soft pillows," I said under my breath.

"I'm going to smother you with one if you don't quit dissing my pillows."

I laughed and looked out the window at the familiar buildings passing by. I felt my stomach tighten as we passed the Jack in the Box I had gone to several times with Jake. Edward glanced at me and said, "What's up Isabella?"

"Isabella?"

He pulled into the hotel parking lot and turned off the car. "I was going to bring this up later, but I think I need to now. When I was in therapy I used the name Edward Masen when things got painful. Using another side of myself helped me stay a bit disconnected. I think you should be Isabella when you access the pain."

I nodded and actually felt it was a good idea.

"So Isabella, what's on your mind?"

"The Jack in the Box, it was a favorite…of his."

Edward looked out the window at the hotel. "Is this going to be painful?"

"No, I was here with my dad once."

"Okay, what about that Thai restaurant? Is it okay?" I looked over at the Thai Palace and nodded. I smiled to help relieve his mind so he leaned over and kissed me. "I'll get a room, you call your dad."

He was gone for about fifteen minutes and when he came back he looked at me suspiciously. I shrugged my shoulders and said, "I tried."

"What did he say?"

"He's on his way here." I wasn't able to keep a straight face and he could tell I was teasing him. He climbed into the car to drive to our space before commenting.

"We either have to hurry, or he can watch and learn."

I leaned over the console to kiss Edward's neck and whispered in his ear, "Let's not hurry and just refuse to open the door."

"He has a gun," he said as his breathing got labored.

"You won't take one little bullet for me," I said before licking his ear.

"I would take an entire gun full for you," he said in a moan.

"Just hold up one of your pillows, it will stop them all," I laughed and he pushed me away.

"Get your ass in the room, before I change my mind," he said in mock anger.

I helped him carry in the bags and suddenly couldn't wait to give him my present. I pulled it out of my bag and jumped onto the bed holding it on my lap. He held something behind his back and wouldn't let me look around him to catch a glimpse.

"Okay, you first," I said handing him the large package.

He took it in his hands and leaned in to kiss me. "Thank you, Bella."

"Yea, yea, just open it," I said anxiously.

He ripped off the wrapping and stared at the scrapbook I had made for him. It was a short synopsis of my life. It contained pictures and memorabilia from my childhood all the way up to having Edward in my life. He was stunned to see pictures of himself and laughed at how I had photo shopped Victoria out of the bowling pictures and added me next to him. I even had a picture of the shower from the hotel in Seattle where he first saw me naked.

He worked his way through the book page by page and seemed to forget I was in the room. I finally pulled it from his hands, and placed it on the end table, as I held out an open hand for my gift. He took my hand and pulled me to him. "That is amazing, Bella. Thank you."

He kissed me lovingly and I suddenly forgot all about my gift. I fell backwards, pulling him with me and became lost in the sensation of the man I loved so much. He was the one to push away and reach for the small wrapped box.

I sat back up and squealed as I tore off the paper with excitement. I took off the lid to see a heart necklace, with the heart cut in half. Edward reached over to point at the one carat diamond heart in the middle of the necklace, "The diamond is a symbol of my love for you, and the two small amethyst stones mean forgiveness. They represent Jake and your mother."

He reached in his pocket and pulled out an identical necklace for him and placed it by mine, to show they connected to make a whole heart. My tears fell from my eyes and I looked up at Edward, "I don't know what to say,"

"Say you love me," he whispered.

"I love you, and I love this gift. You amaze me every single day," I said as I kissed him with everything I had.

He took the necklace from my hand and placed it around my neck. "Tomorrow will be very difficult Bella, but I'm here to help. Remember I love you so much and nothing can change that. My heart isn't whole without yours."

"Merry Christmas," I said against his lips.

"Our first of many," he said back.


	13. Chapter 13

Name: Shattered Glass

Author: Sdfreeze

Chapter 13

**Characters belong to Stephenie Meyer**

* * *

13

Everything changed over night. I walked from the hotel room, where I had been wrapped in Edward's love, into the cold December day filled with dread. Nothing could break through the heaviness surrounding me, and my mood was dark.

I could feel Edward watching me closely and it felt suffocating, so I turned to watch the forest pass by from the window.

"Bella," he called out softly, "which way?"

I looked at the sign welcoming us to Forks, and took a deep breath and asked, "My dad's house?"

"No, love," he whispered. I knew what he meant and I felt sick inside.

"Turn on Wood Avenue," I said as the tears began to fall. I kept my head down and refused to look at the scenery that had been my home all of my life. I felt the car turn and Edward slowed down. I couldn't breathe and my hand unconsciously grabbed the car door handle.

"Isabella," he said forcefully, "which home was yours?"

"I can't Edward," I cried. "Turn around, please don't make me do this."

He pulled to the side of the road and got out of the car. I kept my head down and closed my eyes until he opened my door. My hands grabbed onto the seat, unwilling to be moved from the safety of the vehicle.

Hi kissed me gently as he pulled my face up to look at him. "Remember the blow-up pool in your yard?" he asked, pulling things from the scrapbook I had made for him.

I nodded.

"That little girl loved her house; it was full of happy memories. Show me where that little girl lived."

My eyes slowly turned to look down the road and instantly found the blue house. "On the left," I whispered. "The blue one on the left."

Edward pulled my face back to him and smiled at me. "Thank you, I can picture her there, and it's not all bad. There is a lot of good."

"Yes, a lot of good." I repeated, " It was so warm during the winter and it had a beautiful fireplace."

"Was your room upstairs?" he asked.

"Yes, but I slept in my mom's room a lot when my dad moved out."

"And she would hold you tightly and tell you she loved you?"

I began to sob loudly and I nodded my head.

"That is what she wants you to remember, Isabella. She wants you to look at that house and feel her arms around you as you remember how much you were loved."

I couldn't tear my eyes away from his, so he took hold of my chin and turned my face to look at the house. He brought his face right against my cheek and looked down the road with me.

I stared at the windows wishing my mom would pull back the curtain and smile at me. I wanted this to be a nightmare too, and I could run to her and tell her how awful it had been. I looked at the door and the wreath was not familiar, telling me my mother was not inside.

I don't know how long we sat there, but the tears eventually dried up, and I began to see the house as any other on the street. It wasn't my house anymore and the differences became too apparent.

Edward got back in the car and began backing up. "That's it?" I asked in hope.

"For now. I am so proud of you, it will be easier next time. Now where does Charlie live?"

"Right on division and left on Elderberry," I said as I wiped my face. I felt like a huge weight had been lifted. I wasn't looking forward to everything else I had to face, but the first step was over and I had hope I could make it though this, with Edward's help.

Charlie came out to greet us and I suddenly remembered to tell Edward the lie I had told my dad. "Oh, you had to work yesterday, so we left Seattle early this morning."

I jumped from the car and ran to hug my father. He looked at my tear stained face and glanced at Edward wanting an explanation. "I showed him where I lived," I explained, to stop Charlie from throwing Edward against the car and handcuffing him.

Charlie reached over to shake Edward's hand and I officially introduced them. We all headed into the house and Charlie offered Edward a beer. "Later, we have a big day ahead of us," Edward said, so I took the beer and watched Charlie frown."

"I'm twenty-one, dad," I said with authority.

"You're twelve Bells, and you always will be," he said as he grabbed the beer from my hand.

"So I guess that means Edward is bunking with you?" I asked to watch both men squirm.

Charlie gave Edward a disgusted look and then nodded at the couch, "I'll sleep there, and he can have my room."

"I can't take your room, Chief Swan," Edward interjected. "I'll sleep on the couch."

"I have irregular hours and get called out at all hours of the night. I usually watch television to unwind," Charlie said to settle the couch matter.

"I'll sleep in Dad's room, Edward can have mine," I offered.

"Bella," Edward said in frustration, "it is going to be a tough few days for you, and you need someplace familiar. I'll sleep on the couch and your father can watch television without it bothering me."

"No," Charlie said, "I'll sleep down here. It isn't a problem."

"Let's all just stop this right now," I said angrily. "Dad, you can come in from Sue's house whenever you want and Edward will be with me. Can we be grown-ups about this?"

Charlie turned red with anger and tightened his lips. "I'll get the blow-up mattress from the camper," he finally said.

"Dad, we don't…."

"Bells, let me get the damn blow-up mattress and leave it on your floor for my sanity," Charlie begged.

Edward turned his head so he wouldn't laugh and I stepped forward to hug my father. "Thanks dad, I'll get him some blankets and some sheets."

Edward and I headed out to get our bags as Charlie headed out the back to get the mattress. When we were all set up I brought Edward to the couch so we could chat with my dad.

"Son, if I looked into your past would I find anything incriminating?" Charlie asked.

"Dad," I yelled.

"If you looked into Edward Cullen's past you wouldn't find a thing, but Edward Masen is a different story."

I wondered why Edward would give my father that information. He could have passed himself off as a great guy without any skeletons, but he chose to tell him the truth. I was the one to become nervous now, and could only imagine what my dad would be able to dig up.

Charlie smiled and nodded to Edward. "I have already looked into both, thank you for your honesty."

"I'm sure you know why I think I can help Bella, but it is not why I love her so much," Edward said and squeezed my hand.

"Bella tells me you want to be a doctor, do you think your past will be an issue when applying to medical schools."

I had never considered that angle and looked at Edward with curiosity. He looked at me hesitantly and finally turned back to my father. "I've been accepted to the University of Utah medical school. I start next fall."

My heart began pounding and I tried so hard to keep my face neutral. I wouldn't be finished with my nursing degree until next December meaning Edward and I would be apart for one whole semester. I felt my bravery begin to slip and I wished we were far from Forks at this moment.

"What kind of doctor are you planning on becoming?" Charlie asked.

"A Psychiatrist," Edward answered.

I looked at him in stunned silence. I had assumed he would be a surgeon like Carlisle, but now I understood why he felt so strongly about helping me. "You're not going to bill me are you?" I asked in jest.

He laughed and leaned closer to me, "You can't afford me; this is pro bono."

"Or something like that," I said softly and raised my eyebrows.

"Exactly," he whispered and stared into my eyes.

Charlie cleared his throat to remind us he was in the room, or that he carried a gun, I wasn't sure which.

"Sue would love to have you both for dinner one night. What should I tell her?"

"Um…not tonight or tomorrow," I said nervously. "Can I get back to you on that?"

"Sure, and Bells….Billy wants to see you."

I tensed and Edward put his arm around me. "I would love to meet Jake's father, Isabella."

I only nodded and had to blink back the tears. Edward moved to speak in my ear, "I love you."

I relaxed and let my body be supported by his.

"Well, Charlie," Edward said as he stood and pulled me to my feet. "We have some work to do today. Will we see you this evening?"

I grabbed a fist full of Edward's shirt and kept my eyes glued to the material in my hand. Charlie stared at us for a moment and finally spoke to Edward. "Are you sure you know what you are doing?"

"I'm saving the woman I love," he answered. "I wouldn't do this unless I was sure."

When we were seated in the car Edward said, "First let's get something to eat. Where is the best place in Forks for a greasy burger?"

"There is a Chicago style pizza place," I shared, and his eyes lit up. I laughed and gave him directions.

We sat in a booth and I had to complain about his constant moaning as he took bites of his pizza. "Stop making sex noises," I demanded.

"I'm not making sex noises," he said as he laughed.

"Yes, you are. You sounded exactly like this last night."

He put his slice down and wiped his mouth. "Bella, I promise you are so much better than this pizza, don't be jealous."

"I'm not jealous," I laughed. "You're turning me on."

His eyes widened and he coughed from the food he choked on. "I can't finish this now," he said as he began putting it back in the box. I didn't want the casual lunch to be over yet. I wanted to stay in the booth and watch him moan over his pizza until it was time to head back to Seattle.

"I have an idea," he smiled. "We will keep the pizza in your room and if Charlie hears me moaning we will blame it on the food."

"What makes you think it won't be?"

"Because making love to you in your twin bed, with your policeman father in the house, is too kinky to resist. Plus you always turn me on, even without the moaning." He reached out and took hold of my hands. "We're going to make it through this. It only gets better from here on out," he promised.

"Edward, what about Utah?"

"That is not an issue right now. We will make it work, Bella. I love you too much to lose you."

I took a deep breath and smiled at him. He squeezed my hands and said, "Are you ready Isabella?"

"Tell me what to do," I said, trying to be brave.

He pulled me from the booth, picked up the box of pizza and we headed to the car. I was surprised when he pulled across the street into the parking lot of a flower shop. He left the car running and came back with a bouquet of flowers.

"Are those for me?" I asked.

"No, these are for when you introduce me to your mother," he said and ran his finger down my cheek. I turned away, and looked out the window, as he easily found his way back to where I used to live. He pulled into the driveway of the familiar blue house and I looked at him in a panic.

"Someone lives here, Edward."

"I know," he said and got out of the car. I watched as he made his way to the door and spoke to a young woman I didn't recognize. They talked back and forth for several minutes and he walked back over to my side of the car.

He took my hands and spoke softly, "Isabella, where did Jake propose?"

I jerked my hand away and grabbed my heart as I shook my head back and forth. My eyes shut tightly and I began humming to keep the memories from flooding my brain.

Edward put his hands on the sides of my head and held me still. "Were you in the house or outside?"

"No," I screamed.

"Did he have it wrapped?" Edward yelled still holding my head. "Did Isabella have to unwrap it?"

I nodded, but kept my eyes tightly shut.

"She unwrapped it and got angry, right?" he pushed.

I began pounding my fist onto my thigh, "She should have been nice. She should have tried to talk to him."

"Did they yell at each other?"

I nodded my head and tried to pull away from Edward, but he held on tightly.

"Jake stormed off, and what did Isabella do?"

"She yelled after him, she called him awful names."

"Did he keep walking?"

"Yes," I whispered.

"Did the yelling bring her mother outside?"

I screamed in pain and was finally able to push Edward away as I curled into a tight ball.

"Did she asked her mother to go after Jake?"

I cried out loudly and covered my ears. Edward pulled my hands down and spoke louder, "Did she ask her mother to go after him?"

"No," I screamed. "She told her to let him go. He would come back, he always came back."

At that point Edward pulled me into his arms and kissed my head as he held me tightly. "Oh baby, you are doing so well. Shhh, I'm here, love. You're going to be fine."

When I finally calmed down enough to listen he spoke softly in my ear. "Isabella, you didn't send your mother after him. She chose to go, just as Jake chose to walk off. He would have been back. He wouldn't have let the fight push him away, he would have been back for your friendship."

My stomach suddenly heaved and Edward jumped out of the way, so I could make it to the shrubs next to the car. The red from the pizza reminded me of that night and I vomited until nothing more would come out. He rubbed my back and handed me some tissue from my purse.

"Sweetheart, we won't go down the road yet, I promise, but tell me about the phone call. Was it your cell or the house phone?"

I sat back on the seat and stared at the dashboard, not really seeing anything. Just knowing I wasn't going around that corner gave me a small amount of comfort. I spoke with a monotone voice that scared me. "The house phone. Mrs. Banner called and I thought it was Jake. I picked it up and yelled at her."

"What did you say, Isabella?"

"I told her to grow up and stop trying to make me feel guilty."

"Then did she introduce herself?"

"Yes, she wanted to know if Charlie was okay. A traffic stop on the 101 resulted in a shooting. I panicked."

"Of course you did. Charlie is in danger everyday, it is natural to worry about him."

"I should have called the station or turned on the news. I should have thought things through."

"No, love, you were twenty years old, and you were terrified and needed your mother. You did what anyone would have done."

I looked at Edward and saw such concern in his eyes. For the first time I wondered how difficult this was for him; if his own bad memories were surfacing as he tried to help me. I put my palm to his cheek and he closed his eyes for a second. "I love you," I said when he looked at me again.

"We're done for now," he said, "let's go home."


	14. Chapter 14

Name: Shattered Glass

Author: Sdfreeze

Chapter 14

**Characters belong to Stephenie Meyer**

* * *

14

We had been in that driveway for less than half an hour, but I was emotionally exhausted. I was having trouble staying awake on the short drive to Charlie's house. As soon as we walked in the door I headed to the bathroom to brush my teeth and used a cold washcloth to relieve the swelling around my eyes. I looked up to see Edward standing in the doorway looking at me.

"I need a nap," I admitted.

He held out his arms and smiled, "I just happen to have two empty arms desperate for a pretty lady to hold."

"Can they hold me until she gets here?" I laughed, without much conviction.

"Can I ask just one thing before your nap?" he said sounding serious, and my heart fell in fear.

"What?"

"Can you eat something? You need to keep your strength up and since lunch didn't stick," he chuckled, "let me make you something."

"How about some toast with just peanut butter," I suggested.

"Perfect," he smiled and headed back downstairs.

I made my way to my bedroom and took off my jeans before crawling into bed. I remembered smelling the toast, but I was out before Edward made it back to my room. I had awful disjointed dreams of hearing Jake screaming at me, and throwing up all over the table of the pizza parlor. I was driving a car and trying to stop but it would only speed up, until I finally jumped onto the road in the middle of a highway.

I sat up and gasped as I tried to remember where I was. The room was dark and a plate of toast was sitting on the bedside table. I looked around for Edward and prayed he wasn't just part of the dream. I could finally hear him talking with Charlie downstairs. I grabbed a piece of toast and ate as I listened to their muffled voices.

I couldn't make out their words, but they laughed often and it comforted me. When my mind settled on the fact they were the two most important people in my life I couldn't help the feeling of déjà vu building inside of me.

I threw on some sweatpants and brought the plate with me to the kitchen, where Charlie smiled at me and Edward held out his arms to pull me onto his lap. "Feeling better?" Edward asked.

"I'm feeling starved," I answered, so I wouldn't have to lie.

"I have some venison," Charlie offered and I felt Edward tense.

"You can't feed venison to city folk, dad. They think deer are pets."

Edward laughed, but he didn't suggest we run with my dad's plan. I got up and rummaged through the fridge and decided on grilled cheese sandwiches. I was in a great mood and kept leaning over to kiss Edward as he stood against the counter to watch me cook. When I had a stack of perfectly grilled sandwiches he took the plate from me and asked, "Will you be able to keep this down?"

"Why wouldn't I be able to keep it down?"

"It's dark, love."

My legs began to shake when I realized he was wanting to head down that street now. I wasn't done for the day, he was just waiting for it to get dark.

"What if I don't want to," I challenged him.

"Don't get feisty just because you're rested," he said in irritation.

I grabbed the plate from his hand and slammed it onto the small kitchen table and turned to storm off, but Edward caught my arm and spun me around to look at him. "This is expected, Bella. I'm prepared for this," he said with authority.

"Don't manhandle me in my father's home," I said hatefully.

"I'll carry you out the door like a damn baby if I have to," he said back, and I suddenly noticed Charlie was nowhere to be seen.

"Dad," I yelled loudly.

"He's gone," Edward said still holding my arm.

I felt panic rising in my chest and I began breathing very quickly. "I want my father," I demanded.

"He's at Billy's, do you want me to take you there?"

I cried out and let my knees go limp hoping to fall to the floor, but Edward held on tightly, refusing to let me out of his grasp. I stared at him as tears blurred my vision and begged with all my might. "Please, I don't want to do this tonight. Please, Edward."

"We didn't come all this way to stop now. You can face this, Bella. I'm here to help you face it. I won't leave you, no matter how hard you try to push me away."

"I don't want you here," I screamed, and instantly wanted to take the words back.

He pulled me against his chest and said, "I know, love, but you need me here."

I wrapped my arms around him and cried into his neck. "I'm sorry, I love you, don't hate me."

"This is nothing, Bella. I could never hate you, I will love you through anything," he promised.

He finally sat in a chair, with me on his lap, and handed me one of the sandwiches. I couldn't taste a thing and only ate to stall for time. He finished two sandwiches and moved me off his lap to pour some milk.

When we both finished he squeezed me and said, "Let's go Isabella."

I let him dress me in a coat, hat and gloves, and lead me to the car. I tried not to focus on the familiar buildings decorated with Christmas lights and only stared into the darkness. We turned onto Wood Avenue and I closed my eyes to block out the sharp turn at the end of the road. He drove slowly and stopped in front of my old house.

"Isabella," he said softly, "open your eyes and see how bright it is."

I turned to look behind me at the houses lit up, so I wouldn't see the corner. The lights reflected off the wet surfaces and the entire street was bright. "The snowflakes," he whispered. "They're beautiful."

I turned slowly to look at the last house before the turn and gasped at the sight of the twinkling lights hanging from their trees. I began to shake as the memories over took me.

_I ran from the house yelling for my mother, my foot stepped on the wrapping paper Jake had used for the ring. I would yell at him to have it gone by the time I got back. He would want to come with us to the station, but I had already planned to tell him no. I jumped in the car and hit the gas hard as I flew in reverse out of the driveway. I didn't have my coat and my teeth began to chatter as I put the car in drive. I felt the tires slide a bit on the wet, cold road, but I didn't slow down. I sped towards the turn and hoped my mother would hear the screeching tires and wave me down to see where she was. I made my way around the turn and my vision went dark. I couldn't understand why everything suddenly went black, but I kept my foot on the gas. I felt the impact and screamed, thinking I had hit a deer. The car ran off the road and the tires sunk in the deep mud. The windshield was shattered glass and I tried to see if the deer was dead. It wasn't moving and it's large brown eyes were staring at me. I leaned forward to concentrate on the brown mass on the hood and my mind slowly began putting the shattered pieces together. I screamed and jumped from the car into the cold mud. I looked at the road and saw a body lying mangled on the pavement. I pulled my heavy feet out of the thick mud and ran to see my mother. Blood was everywhere and I only barely registered the screaming coming from far away._

"Bella," Edward was yelling as he shook me. I realized I was the one screaming and I grabbed onto him, burying my face in his coat.

"They're dead," I screamed. "There is blood everywhere and they are dead. I killed them."

"There's no blood, baby. Look, look at the road. There is no blood."

I couldn't make myself look up and only was semi aware someone opened my door of the car. I felt hands pull me from Edward's arms and looked up to see my father. "I'm sorry, dad," I cried as I clung to him.

He walked with me as I remained buried against him. He stopped and leaned his head onto mine. "I'm so sorry, Bells. I always felt so guilty for having a job that made you worry so much."

I lifted my head to dispute his reasoning when I noticed we were standing in the middle of the road. I glanced at the cross erected off the edge of the blacktop and quickly shut my eyes.

"Isabella," Edward called out, further away than I had imagined he would be. I turned my head to look behind me and was stunned to see a large group of people standing in the road with Edward. Charlie hugged me tightly and led me to the crowd.

"Bella," Mrs. Banner said with tears streaming down her face. "I always felt it was my fault for calling you. I was a busybody, always getting into other people's business."

I shook my head back and forth but I couldn't speak. Another woman stepped forward and tried to smile at me. "I'm Mrs. Cope; I was the dispatcher who made the radio call that night. I felt guilty for not stating the facts properly. It wasn't a Forks officer shot, but a highway patrolman."

I recognized the Johnson's; the couple who lived on the corner with the beautiful blinking snowflakes. Mr. Johnson pointed to the streetlight at the side of his house. "The light is on my property and I wouldn't let the city turn it on in December. I felt it took away from my decorations. It was my fault the road was so dark that night."

Everyone stepped back to make room for a man in a wheelchair. I put my hand over my mouth as Billy came towards me. I lunged at him, wrapping myself around him as he held me tightly. "I never blamed you, Bella," he said as he kissed my head again and again.

"I'm so sorry, Billy, forgive me," I begged.

He pushed me back to look at my face and said with tears running down his wide cheeks, "Come see me. I need you to come see me," he said emphatically.

I nodded and hugged him again.

Charlie spoke and I could hear the tears in his voice without looking at him. "It was a combination of things that led to the tragedy of that night, Bells. You can't carry the weight all on your own."

Everyone began mumbling in agreement and wishing me the best. I finally made my way back to Edward and hugged him tightly. "Thank you," I said, having no idea how to say what I was truly feeling. I never thought I would be able to stand on the spot where Jake and my mom died and feel a sense of relief. I felt lighter and wanted to let my mind remember all the great things about them both. Their memories would not haunt me ever again.

"This was the hardest part," Edward informed me. "Tomorrow we'll go to their graves and talk about the good times."

I nodded and wiped the tears from my face as he thanked everyone for coming. I smacked him in the stomach and said, "You said my dad was at Billy's."

"Sorry," he laughed, "I meant to say 'with' Billy."

Charlie came over and put his arm around me as he led me back to Edward's car. "I'm going to stop by Sue's and I will be home later. Just… make it look like he is sleeping on the floor, so I can remain in denial."

"Dad, I don't even like boys, they're gross and they have cooties."

"That's my girl," he laughed and kissed my cheek. I watched from the front seat as he spoke to Edward and shook his hand. I never imagined things could turn out this well. I understood Edward's optimism now. When you carry such a heavy burden for so long it makes you giddy to finally be relieved of it.

Edward climbed in the car and smiled at me, "I'm so proud of you, love."

"Get me home quickly or the back of the Range Rover will be forever ruined for Carlisle."

He started the engine and looked in the rear view mirror. "I don't want to get a ticket," he teased.

"I'm willing to bet you could pretty much commit hari-kari and my dad would let you off."

We headed to the house and when he turned off the engine I leaned over to speak softly to him. "Edward," I breathed into his ear "I need to tell you something."

"Yes," he said and swallowed loudly.

"Your pillows aren't that bad."

He grabbed me and pulled me across the console onto his lap, "The hell with the pillows, I'll buy a whole new bed if you want me too."


	15. Chapter 15

Name: Shattered Glass

Author: Sdfreeze

Chapter 15

**Characters belong to Stephenie Meyer**

* * *

15

I was wide awake due to the long nap earlier in the day and kept rambling about anything that crossed my mind. I knew I wasn't making sense, and most likely driving Edward crazy, but he continued to nod and hum in the appropriate places.

"I have to show you the high school tomorrow," I said enthusiastically. "But don't laugh, it is pretty small."

"What were you like in high school," he asked as he yawned.

"Nobody that would have caught your attention," I stated as a fact.

"That is a very good thing, Bella."

"Tell me what my dad found out about you," I asked, suddenly very curious.

"Oh man," he said and rubbed his eyes, "I was every policeman's nightmare. I was hell bent on self destruction, had a wealthy father with gifted lawyers, and lack of respect for everyone."

"Tell me one example," I pushed further.

"Okay, I broke into a pharmacy one night…"

"For drugs?" I interrupted.

"No, for Dots," he answered sarcastically.

"Okay, I won't interrupt again, go ahead."

"I expected alarms to go off like crazy and cop cars to suddenly surround the place. At least some old man to come out of the back with a shot gun, but nothing happened. I walked around the place at leisure and it began to piss me off. I didn't take a thing. I just dumped all the pills I wanted in the toilet and flushed them."

He stopped talking so I asked, "Did you get caught?"

"Yeah, I sat out front and waited for the pharmacist to open up the next morning."

"Why?"

He got nervous and bit his lip for a minute. I was sorry I brought up the subject, but my curiosity was wanting to hear what had him so shaken.

"I wanted the police to come and shoot me," he finally admitted.

I scooted over to lie on his chest and held him tighter. "I'm glad they didn't," I whispered.

"No they didn't, and it turns out a good lawyer can convince people it was my way of trying to save a generation from the sorrows of addiction," he chuckled. "I'm a modern day Greenpeace instead of a jackass."

"You're my savior," I said to him.

"And you're my soul mate," he whispered back.

I woke up the next morning to an empty bed and I cussed Edward for his habit of waking early. I headed downstairs to find the coffee I was smelling and walked into the kitchen to see Edward and Charlie sitting at the table.

"Morning Bells," Charlie called out.

"Bite me," I answered back.

He laughed loudly and turned to Edward, "She never was an early riser."

"I know," Edward laughed, causing Charlie to glower at him.

"Shoot him, dad," I offered to punish him for leaving me alone in the bed and then for teasing me.

"Last night you were glad my life had been spared and this morning you offer me up?"

"I wasn't sleepy last night," I said, hoping my morning attitude didn't scare Edward off forever. I walked over to sit on his lap as I sipped my coffee. Charlie stood uncomfortably and looked at me nervously.

"Stop by Billy's, when you're in La Push today," he said.

I only nodded and concentrated on my coffee. Charlie put on his police jacket and left, leaving me alone with Edward. "I'll run you a bath," he offered.

I turned to look at his clean clothes and damp hair. "You showered without me?" I asked, trying not to sound as ticked as I was.

"I didn't think Charlie would approve of me carrying your sleeping naked body down the hallway to the bathroom. I can re-shower if it will make you smile."

"No, it's okay, once the coffee gets in my system I'll be much more pleasant," I promised.

"How's Isabella doing," he asked hesitantly.

"Much better than I expected," I said truthfully. "I expected her to be comatose or hanging from a tree by this point."

"She's much stronger than she thinks," he said as he kissed my shoulder.

I sat my cup on the table and turned around to straddle Edward's lap. I hugged him tightly and rested my chin on his shoulder. It was soothing the way he ran his fingers up and down my spine and I sighed with pleasure.

"Edward?" I whispered.

"Yes, love."

"When we go to Jake's grave, can you wait in the car?"

"Of course, say whatever you need to say. Do you want to visit with Billy alone, too?"

"I have no idea what that is about, so I think I want you there."

His arms folding tightly around me and he held me for several minutes. "I'll get ready," I finally said and headed back upstairs.

When we got in the car Edward pulled a rose from the bouquet and handed it to me as he smiled. "Thank you," he said earnestly.

"For what?" I smiled and took the rose.

"For doing this, so we can be together."

"I think I finally understand what you meant all along. Thank you for not giving up on me."

He gave me a quick kiss and started the car. "Left on Division, right on Merchant," I said, directing him to the cemetery. I only knew where to look once we arrived because my grandparents were buried there too. I walked to the spot and looked at the headstone with my mothers name. It was a beautiful marker and had an engraving of her favorite flower, a mum.

"Mom," I whispered, "I am so sorry for staying away. I couldn't have asked for a better mother, and I hope I can be half the mom you were."

I felt Edward's arm snake around my waist so I added, "I wish you could know Edward, mom. He is everything you would want for me. I know you would have loved him, too."

He stepped forward and placed the flowers on the grave, then stood behind me with his arms wrapped around me to speak into my ear, "Tell me all about her."

"She was so much fun, always laughing and coming up with different schemes. I loved to dress up in her clothes and pretend I was Hollywood actress. She would call me Anastasia and it would constantly end with me falling in her heels and crying as the mascara ran down my face."

A sob escaped and I could no longer speak. I spun around to dissolve in Edward's arms.

"I can picture it," he whispered.

"I used to hear her crying at night, when my dad left. I think she really loved him, she just didn't know how to live with him. She would always tell me to find a man to love and stick by him no matter what."

"I like her even more," Edward chuckled.

"Of course it was my father's pillows that drove her away," I teased.

Edward growled in frustration and I laughed against his chest. I realized for the first time how much of my mother I had inside me. The stubborn, wisecracking side of my personality was so much like her. The serious, responsible side came from Charlie. I turned back to look at her grave and smiled. "Thank you, mom, for everything. I love you."

We walked back to the car and I informed Edward La Push was a bit of a drive and we should gas up first. "More Dots?" he laughed.

"No, time didn't stop in Forks, we have modern candy, like Snickers and M&M's."

Edward pulled into a gas station and turned to look at me with a serious expression. I tensed and prepared for what he was going to ask of me. "Sweetheart, you've driven to see Jake many times. Can you manage one more?" He pulled the keys from the ignition and held them out to me.

"This is Carlisle's car," I protested.

"He won't mind. It will be a lot easier driving out here, where civilization doesn't exist, as opposed to Seattle," he teased.

I grabbed the keys from his hand and climbed out of the passenger side. "Sure your snooty ass can tolerate my redneck roots?"

"I'll just pretend you are Anastasia," he laughed.

We loaded up on junk food and I was nervous as I headed out of town, but once I turned onto the 110 it felt natural. I began to remember the turns and the landmarks from making the trip to La Push so many times. It felt as if Jake would be there waiting and come do the drum roll on the hood of my truck with his hands like he always did.

"You would have liked Jake, Edward."

"Yeah?" he said to encourage me to continue.

"He was so sweet and up for anything. It didn't matter what I wanted to do, he would come along and find some way to make it fun. When I was thirteen he told me his friends would give him ten dollars if he kissed me. He promised he would use the money to buy me a present, so I kissed him. He bought me a pack of gum and kept the nine fifty in change."

Edward laughed loudly and I smiled at the memories of my best friend filling my mind. We talked about my mom and Jake throughout the entire drive, until I pulled onto a puddle filled gravel road. The trees blocked out the small amount of sun and gave the cemetery an eerie feeling.

"Do you know where to look?" Edward asked.

I nodded, Jake had shown me where his mom had been buried and I knew he would be close by. I got out of the car and walked over to the simple granite marker with his name and the dates etched in the stone. I knelt down, resting on my heels, so my knees wouldn't get muddy.

"Jake," I said softly. "I loved you so much, but we didn't love each other the way we tried to, I know that now. You just wanted it to be easy, and the easy way would have made us hate each other. All my memories are wrapped up in you, so you will forever be a part of my life. I hope I am somehow a part of yours."

I wiped the tears from my face and ran my wet hand over the stone, leaving a part of me there with him. "I love you," I cried, and headed back to the car.

Edward climbed out to give me a reassuring hug as I cried into his coat. "You did it, Bella. You faced it all and you're still standing."

"I couldn't have done it without you," I said before kissing him.

I had one last thing to do and then I could focus on Christmas tomorrow. I pulled into the long driveway to see the small house I had known as well as my own. Edward held my hand as we walked to the door. I knocked and Billy called out for me to come in. I hugged him and shared my visit with Jake.

I couldn't help but feel Billy was nervous about something. I tried everything I could think of to calm him and finally asked if I could see Jake's room. He didn't answer right away and he kept looking out the window as if he was waiting for someone.

"Billy, would you mind if I looked in Jake's room?"

He let his eyes drop to the floor and eventually nodded his approval. I patted Edward's hand and walked alone down the small hallway. I took a deep breath before opening the door and was shocked to see a pink bedspread and a baby crib. Billy must have been worried I wouldn't approve of letting one of his daughters take over the room.

I instantly wondered if one of them had gotten divorced and was living with Billy now.

I headed back to the sitting area just as the door opened and a woman I didn't recognize walked in carrying an infant car seat. She looked furious to see me and glared at Billy. Everyone was frozen in confusion until Edward stood and held out his hand.

"I'm Edward Cullen, may I help you with that," he said gesturing toward the carrier.

The woman ignored him and spoke to Billy, "What is she doing her?"

My mouth fell open in surprise. I had no idea who she was but she knew me.

"Bella," Billy said, "This is Quinn… and Jake junior."

My eyes went right to the infant in the carrier to see a miniature replica of Jake staring back at me. He couldn't be any older than six months and I felt the room begin to spin. Edward jumped toward me to steady me on my feet.

"That's Jake's baby?" I asked the woman staring hatefully at me.

She sat the carrier down and lifted the baby into her arms, "Meet the woman who killed your daddy," she said to her son.

Edward's arms tightened around me and Billy yelled harshly at the young woman. "That's enough, Quinn."

My mind was running away in several different directions and nothing was fitting together. Jake was a father, but the baby was too young. Did he even know? If he did, why did he propose to me? I finally looked at Billy, desperate for an explanation.

"Bella, sit please," Billy said, so Edward walked me to the couch.

Billy reached out for the baby and Quinn handed him to his grandfather and marched out of the room.

"Jake knew about the pregnancy. He also knew you would never agree to marry him. He had some wild idea that if he proposed you would be so mad he could then marry Quinn without feeling like he was deserting you. He thought the only way you would be happy for him was if he let you reject him first."

"That's crazy, Billy," I managed to say.

"When did Jake do anything that was sane?" Billy sighed.

"He never told me about her, when did they even begin to date?" I asked.

"Bella, Jake was a virile young man with a much too negligent father. He did many things you are not aware of."

"So, I took him away from his son," I said in horror.

"Stop," Billy said firmly. "I wanted you to know a part of Jake lives on. That has been a great comfort to me. I will strive to be a better grandfather to make up for the horrible father I was."

I looked at the baby cuddled on his lap, "May I hold him?" I asked.

Billy held him out and I took him in my arms. He smiled at me and I laughed, "Jake, it's you." I kissed the familiar face and inhaled the scent of him as I spoke into his ear, "I'm sorry. You had the greatest daddy and I will tell you about him some day."

Quinn came back into the room and held her hands out for her son, "I'm so sorry," I said to her wet eyes. "And Jake was wrong, I would have been happy for him."

She took her son and I stood and said, "Is there anything I can do for you?"

She shook her head and looked back at her baby. "I'm marrying Embry," she said quietly.

I reached out to touch her shoulder. "He's a great guy, congratulations."

I finally turned to look into Edward's stunned and confused eyes. "Try and catch up, doc," I laughed.

"Oh, this is way over my head, I admit it," he said rolling his eyes.

I said a tear-filled goodbye to Billy and made him promise to send me pictures often. It was just getting dark as I pulled onto the winding road and headed back to Forks. I couldn't believe everything that had happened in one day and I was lost in my feelings.

"A Penny for your thoughts," Edward said as he stared at me.

"I'm having an out of body experience," I said shaking my head. "I'm not even sure you are real right now."

He unbuckled his seatbelt and leaned over to kiss my neck. "Put your seatbelt on," I insisted. "Animals run out on this road all the time."

"I'm just showing you how real I am," he said as he licked his way to my ear.

"I'm giving you one hour to stop that," I teased as I leaned closer to him.

I came around a bend and was suddenly blinded by two bright headlights in my lane. Everything began moving in slow motion. The logging truck hit it's brakes and the flat trailer loaded with logs began to skid sideways. I turned the wheel sharply towards Edward sending his body flying into me. I heard his head shatter the glass as he hit the side window at the exact moment my arm made a sickening crunch from the weight of him.

The cab of the logging truck caught the back of the SUV and spun us furiously in circles as blood from somewhere sprayed like a hose across the windshield. I could feel a sharp stabbing pain in my neck and used my free arm to reach up and feel Edward's pen sticking out of my flesh, wet and warm from my blood.

I registered the fact nothing was moving now, the car was still, but more importantly Edward was still…too still. I looked down to see his eyes staring back at me as blood gushed from his head. He blinked and I tried to speak, but I couldn't. I could only watch the look of horror cross his face as the blackness closed in on me.

A fireball could be seen in the sky for miles.


	16. Chapter 16

Name: Shattered Glass

Author: Sdfreeze

Chapter 16

**Characters belong to Stephenie Meyer**

* * *

16

I woke up in horrible pain as my body shook vigorously from the cold. Flashing lights were everywhere and I could smell wood burning. Someone was holding my head tightly as others worked frantically over me. I was no longer in the car, but lying on a gurney in the middle of the road.

My eyes moved from side to side searching for Edward. I felt the ground begin to roll under me and I cried out in pain as I was lifted into an ambulance. "Don't move," a young man instructed.

"Edward," I said faintly.

"No, my name is David," the paramedic said.

"I want Edward," I managed to say with great effort.

David began speaking to someone beyond my line of sight, "Did the guy make it?"

"I don't know," someone answered. "He wasn't wearing a seatbelt, serves him right if he doesn't."

The rest of the conversation was blocked by the loud wailing of the sirens. Every bump, every turn, every jiggle brought on new pain. I finally gave in to the nothingness covering my brain.

The next time I woke up I was in a dark room with machines all around me. I tried to turn my neck but it hurt so badly I almost blacked out. Charlie jumped up from a chair and leaned over me, "Bells, don't try to move."

I forced myself to look at his face and I could see the dark circles and the bags under his eyes. I felt the sting of tears fill mine, and every second that ticked by without him informing me of Edward's condition slowly drained my hope away. I let the medication send me back to sleep instead of facing the reality I had killed another loved one.

My bed began to move and I opened my eyes to see the hallway lights passing overhead. I heard the ding of an elevator and looked up again to see the metal ceiling over me. The left side of my head was clean shaven and a grotesque line of staples reflected from the lights. A young girl looked down at my open eyes and smiled at me.

I stared at her, begging with my eyes to say the words I needed to hear. She only patted my hand and looked away.

I was rolled into a dark room and a large machine was pulled over my hips. I realized I was being x-rayed and remembered my arm breaking, but the machine was too low, my legs must have broken too. A young man came into view to push the machine back and I tried to speak to him, but my voice wasn't loud enough.

I expected to be taken back to my room but I was wheeled into a surgery suite. Everyone was covered in surgical masks and none of the eyes looked in my direction. I felt the sensation of flying and drifted off.

Voices broke through my fog and I tried to focus on them. I could recognize Charlie's but I didn't know the others. My door opened and a few people came inside. I tried several times to open my eyes and felt a gentle hand on my arm, but I couldn't stay focused.

"Have you spoken with her?" A woman asked.

"No, she hasn't been coherent enough," Charlie answered.

"Do you mind if I check the wounds?" A man said.

I felt warm hands touch my forehead and turn my head slightly causing pain. I grimaced and tried to open my eyes again. "I'm sorry Bella," a kind voice spoke. I looked up to see Carlisle checking out my arm.

One hand automatically rose to grab the tie hanging from his neck over me. Everyone rushed to the bedside and Carlisle smiled at me. "Just rest dear," he nodded.

I tried to yell out Edward's name, but only a loud moaning sound came out causing me to burst into tears. I tugged on the tie and Carlisle placed his hand on mine to pry it off. "Bella, stay calm. You are in a hospital in Port Angeles. You had a car accident."

I groaned again and he continued talking, "You have a broken hip, a broken arm and damage to your neck and skull."

I hit the metal railing on the bed with my hand, demanding news about Edward. Carlisle took hold of my hand and knew what I was asking. "Edward is in a hospital in Seattle, I'm afraid his injuries are more severe."

I ignored the tearing pain in my neck as I arched my head back and screamed in horror. I felt the slow trickle of blood seep from the wound on my neck and I didn't care. My good arm was swatting away anything that came near me as nurses rushed to my side to sedate me.

The last thing I saw was Esme crying into Charlie's chest as he held her with a stunned look of defeat on his face.

The next time I woke up only Charlie was in the dark room. He saw me stir and came to my bedside. "Stay calm, Bells," he cautioned. I didn't have any fight left in me. I stared at the ceiling in a numb trance.

I vowed never to love somebody again. I wasn't meant for happiness on this earth and the only way I could protect those around me was to isolate my heart. I had to find a way to get away from Charlie too. His life was dangerous enough without having me to jinx him.

I was released from the hospital after 24 days. I had a screw in my hip, a pin in my arm, a piece of my skull had been removed to relieve the swelling on my brain, and the pen from Edward's pants pocket had pierced my artery, but luckily twisted just enough to keep me from bleeding out.

Edward had broken his neck but amazingly escaped spinal cord injury. He had yet to awaken from a coma to asses any possible brain injury from the six inch crack in his skull. The only morsel of information that gave me any comfort was the fact the semi driver had fallen asleep and crossed over into my lane. It wasn't my fault, but that didn't matter if Edward never recovered.

I was lying in a rented hospital bed in the middle of Charlie's living room staring at a slowly melting ice-sickle hanging from the roof. My assigned therapist was trying her best to get me to confide in her, but I refused. I heard the phone ring and Charlie was speaking softly to someone.

"Bella," the woman said softly, "do you have plans to go back to school?"

It only brought to mind the pain of knowing Edward was going to miss out on medical school in the fall. I closed my eyes to ignore her.

Charlie walked into the room and pulled a chair up to my bed. "Bells, Edward woke up," he said.

I sat up, ignoring the pain in my hip, "Can I talk to him?"

"No, he is out of the coma, he's not being released."

"Who called?" I questioned.

"Esme, she said they are optimistic and they will call later if they have anymore news."

"Optimistic about what? A full recovery or he will spend his life in diapers, but live to hate me for it."

"Bells, nobody is blaming you, most of all Edward."

I shook my head and let the tears fall. I wanted to see Edward so badly, but I didn't know if I had the strength to face him and see what I had done to him. I waited every agonizing moment for any update on his condition. I was going through physical therapy and beginning to walk again by the time word reached me Edward had been placed in a specialty hospital in Chicago.

I knew in that moment we were over. He didn't want to see me before he left, if he was even capable of coherent thinking. He had worked through so much in his life and adding my problems on top of his ruined him. He was lucky to be rid of me and I would do the kindest thing I could and let him go.

It was summer when Alice, Rose, Jasper and Emmett came to Forks for a visit. Charlie didn't tell me they were coming and hoped the surprise would be a welcomed one. I opened the door to see the crying faces of my roommates and the nervous faces of their boyfriends.

I had to admit it did cheer me up to see them. I hugged the girls and cried right along with them, making the guys uncomfortable. Charlie finally invited them all inside and I apologized for my rudeness. We sat and stared at each other, hoping someone else would start the conversation.

"You look good Bella," Emmett offered. I ran my hand through my much shorter hair and mumbled thanks.

"Are you coming back to school in the fall?" Alice asked.

"I'm thinking about it," I said.

"You have to live with us, we haven't rented out your room," Rose said.

I looked at her and finally asked, "Have you seen Edward?"

She shook her head and everyone turned to look at her.

"What?" I could tell she had news she didn't want to share.

"He's coming back to school in the fall, but he's not the same."

I felt my stomach lurch and waited for her to elaborate.

"I mean he is the same, but not the same as he was when you knew him. He's…..like he used to be," she said as she looked at the floor.

"Used to be?" I pressed.

"Yeah, he's had some memory problems, you know, from the head injury. He remembers things from the past, not just the recent past."

I looked at Alice and she lowered her head too. "So he's into drugs and stuff again?" I asked stunned.

"I don't know about that," Rose said, "he's just a jerk, like he used to be."

"So he won't remember me?"

"I don't know Bella. Maybe he will see you and everything will click. I know Uncle Carlisle hopes for that."

"Is that even possible?"

She shrugged and I looked at Jasper. "Have you seen him?"

He nodded and let his head fall to the side in pity for me. "Does he know you?" I asked him.

"Yeah, but he remembers me from high school not college."

"I want to see him," I said in a panic. "I want to see if he will recognize me."

They all looked at each other again and Jasper spoke up, "You might not like what you find. He's rude, arrogant, and…..not really the relationship type."

"I don't care; we have to find out if he recognizes me. Let's set it up."

Rosalie sighed and finally relented. "I'm having a fourth of July party at my parent's house. It's on Bainbridge Island and I can make sure Edward comes."

"Okay, I'll move back in with you the first of July. Do you think Carlisle will let me have my job back?"

They all rolled their eyes and assured me it was waiting for me. We spent the day making plans and talking about old times. I finally got the nerve to discuss the accident with them and they never pushed me further than I was willing to go.

During dinner at the same pizza place I had taken Edward to, I noticed Rosalie's ring. I grabbed her hand and screamed. "Are you engaged?"

She laughed and smiled at Emmett. "Yeah, but it won't happen for awhile," she said.

"Because I have to bust my ass paying for the ring she wanted," Emmett grumbled.

"No, because you have to graduate and get a decent job," she yelled at him.

Alice giggled and leaned over to whisper to me. "Her dad will be paying Emmett to work for him in less than a year."

I sat in silence while they all talked for a bit and finally turned to Alice. "I need your help with clothes, hair, and makeup for the party."

Everyone screamed in warning but Alice ignored them. "I would love to. You are going to look stunning and Edward will take one look at you and remember everything."

"Or want to bang her," Emmett said under his breath.

"Shut up, Emmett," Rose and Alice said in unison.

When it was time for them to go I began to cry. It felt good to feel normal for a day and I was so anxious to see Edward. I planned out every moment of the next three weeks until Charlie would drive me to Seattle and back into my apartment.

I began to dream of Edward and they weren't dreams of the accident. They were dreams of running into his waiting arms and making everything right again. I knew deep in my heart there was no way he would forget us.

The day I moved back Esme and Carlisle met me and Charlie for dinner. I was hoping they would bring Edward along but that would ruin Alice's entire 'looking perfect' plan. We sat at a booth making small talk until I couldn't take it anymore.

"Tell me honestly, do you think he will recognize me?" I asked.

Esme covered her mouth and I could see the pain in her eyes. Carlisle cleared his throat and began. "Bella, the mind it a confusing organ, we don't know if Edward has synapse damage or if the trauma of living through another accident has made his mind protect him from the pain. He may never recognize you again or he may instantly remember you. It's not something we can run a test for and find out."

"He isn't dangerous, is he," Charlie asked.

"Only to himself I'm afraid," Carlisle sighed.

"Should I tell him who I am or just let it play out naturally?" I asked.

"His doctors think it would be best if you just dropped hints; things only you and Edward would know and see if it triggers anything. But I have to warn you Bella, it will be painful to see him this way. He is not the kind of young man a girl like you would date."

"Do you want me to stick around Bells?" Charlie asked.

I shook my head, "Either he knows me or he doesn't. There is nothing you can do, dad."

"We'll be at the party, too," Esme said to reassure my dad.


	17. Chapter 17

Name: Shattered Glass

Author: Sdfreeze

Chapter 17

**Characters belong to Stephenie Meyer**

* * *

17

"I stink, Alice. You didn't tell me I would stink," I complained as I smelled my spray on tan.

"It fades, I promise," she said firmly. "Plus it looks so much better than blinding white skin, so put up with the smell."

I stared at myself in the mirror. I had on a short sundress with bright yellow heels and my usually thick hair was straightened to perfection with a hint of bangs. "I don't even recognize myself, how is Edward supposed to know me?"

"His heart will know you, and his eyes will appreciate the effort."

I shook my head and heard the door open. I stepped out to greet Jasper and his mouth fell open, giving me a much needed confidence boost.

"Do you think it will work?" I asked him.

"I think Edward will want you, I'm just not sure it will be because he remembers you."

"If I can get him to somehow fall in love with me again, I'll take it," I sighed.

I noticed how Jasper and Alice stole a glance at each other and I got nervous again. I drove with them to the pier to catch the ferry to the island. The boat moved so slowly and I couldn't get there fast enough. Emmett met us on the other side and drove us to an unbelievable house.

I had trouble walking in the heels because my legs were shaking so badly. Rose ran out to greet us and took my hands in hers. "Are you sure you are ready for this, Bella? He's a real ass."

I couldn't speak, so I only nodded. She led me to the back of the house where tons of people were gathered along the sandy beach. I didn't recognize anyone, but felt everyone's eyes on me. Carlisle and Esme made their way over to hug me and it felt wonderful.

I could tell they were as anxious as I was. Carlisle suddenly squeezed my hand. "Here we go," he said softly.

I turned slowly to see Edward walking down the steps of the deck. His hair was long and he had on a pair of shorts with a shirt all the way unbuttoned, exposing his perfect chest. He had a bottle of beer in both hands and stopped to take a long swig. When his eyes met mine he looked me up and down and headed in my direction.

"Watch your alcohol intake son," Carlisle warned as he held his hand out for the second bottle of beer.

"Don't be such a pussy, father," Edward said as he held the beer out for me. I took it and handed it over to Carlisle, causing Edward's eyes to narrow in anger as he watched his parents walk away.

He took a step closer to me almost pinning me against a tree as if we were intimate friends. "Are you a minor or something? Not that I mind jailbait, I just want to know upfront."

"Hi, Edward," I said nervously. "You're asking if I'm a minor and you are the one that likes Razzles."

"Do I know you?" he asked as he ran his finger down my hair and across the exposed skin on my chest. It felt like hot lava was being dragged over my skin and I inhaled sharply.

"We were lab partners last fall," I said with a shaky voice.

He smiled and slowly raised his eyes back to mine, "So we have fucked…were you any good?"

I could feel my anger rising and I had to swallow it back down. "Does it matter?" I asked.

He laughed loudly and leaned in to speak in my ear, "I just want to know if you're worth a repeat performance."

I felt my hands pull into fists and I had to shut my eyes for a second to calm down. I slowly raised one hand to lightly touch his neck and pulled his ear closer to my mouth, "Maybe you're not."

He moved even closer smashing my chest against his. I could feel his erection against my leg and I had to struggle to keep from crying. My Edward would never treat me like this and I turned my head away from him.

"Tell you what," he said in an angry voice, "come find me when it gets dark and I may let you suck me off."

He stepped back and I turned to him in anger, "Don't forget the Dots, sugar."

He froze for a second and gave me a weird look. We stared at each other and I thought I saw his eyes soften a bit. He took a couple of steps toward the house and turned back to look at me again.

"Edward, you stud," a woman yelled.

He turned to look at who called him and my heart fell when I saw Tanya running towards him. He caught her in his arms and she attacked his mouth right in front of me. He began walking with her in his arms and I couldn't stop myself from calling out to him.

"Edward," I yelled.

He glanced back for a second and I felt panic rising in my chest. I took a deep breath and smiled seductively. "Don't disappoint me again; this will be the last chance you get."

He sat Tanya back on her feet and smiled at me through his lowered eyes.

"Oh, and one more thing," I added. "Make sure you have a soft pillow."

His smile faded and his brow creased as he stared at me in deep concentration. Tanya grabbed his hand and pulled him toward the food table. I noticed how he kept glancing over at me and I saw Carlisle and Esme watching the entire exchange.

It was so hard to watch him with Tanya's hands all over him. She didn't have his entire attention and I noticed how he was drawn to any pretty girl, and how he would find any excuse to touch them intimately. I couldn't force myself to eat anything and made sure to stay away from any drinks.

The party got crowded and I lost sight of Edward. I had to keep my mind from picturing him in the arms of various women at the party. When the sun set large fire torches were placed on the beach while everyone waited for the fireworks to begin.

I had changed into Jeans and a sweater for the cold evening and tried to have a good time in spite of my constant searching for Edward. I saw a flash of light, in the tree line off the beach, and looked harder to see Edward standing there smoking. He was alone, so I walked towards him. He didn't smile as I approached and I walked right up to him and grabbed the cigarette from his mouth.

"What did you do, watch the movie _The Outsiders_ once too often?"

"It relaxes me," he said as he continued to stare weirdly at me, "What are you a Mormon, you don't drink and you don't smoke? I'm amazed you spread your legs for me."

"Am I speaking to Edward Cullen or Edward Masen?" I asked, causing him to take a step backwards.

"You freak me out, bitch," he said hatefully, "but I like the tight shirt."

"It's nothing you haven't seen before, so grow up."

He reached out and grabbed me by my shirt harshly, pulling me right up to his face. He was breathing hard and staring intently at me. I glanced to the side to see if anyone was close enough to hear me if I needed help and Edward grabbed my chin, keeping my head turned as he stared at the scar on my neck.

"How did you get that," he demanded.

I grabbed his wrists, not strong enough to actually turn them, but I ran my fingers over his scars and said, "Someone loves you in spite of all the shit."

He dropped his hands, as if touching me burned his flesh, and began walking away. I ran after him and he increased his steps. "Come home with me," I said in desperation.

He shook his head and kept walking. "Yeah right, so you can cut off my dick, no thanks."

"Some tough guy you are," I challenged him, "now I know why you sat and waited for the cops to come shoot you. You're a fraud."

He spun around again and grabbed me, pushing me up against the house. I cried out in pain from where his hand was holding my arm. He looked down to see the scar left from my compound fracture. "You stay the hell away from me, you whore," he said in a terrified voice.

"It won't work Edward," I screamed as he walked away. "You can't do this when my love is still in your heart. You can't touch another woman when your heart wants me."

He picked up a beer bottle and threw it above my head shattering the glass against the wall to rain down on me. I screamed and hid my face in my hands. I looked up to see him staring in shock, with the most horrified expression on his face. Emmett and Jasper came running towards me just as Edward turned and ran away.

Jasper pulled me into his arms, "Are you okay, Bella?"

I sobbed as Emmett began picking glass from my hair. "He knows," I cried, "I can see it in his eyes that some part of him knows."

"Be careful," Jasper warned. "You don't want to push him too fast. Let me work on him for a bit."

I nodded and tried to wipe the tears from my eyes. "Go find the girls, we'll go after Edward," Emmett said.

I headed back to the beach just in time to see the fireworks. Esme met me on the sand and wrapped her arms around me. I cried on her shoulder as the sky lit up in beauty.

Jasper and Emmett eventually found Edward passed out in the back seat of a car, with an entire bottle of whisky emptied. I had to admit it gave me comfort to know he wasn't going home with Tanya or any other girl this night, but it terrified me to know he was back into alcohol so heavily.

I pulled the guys aside and begged them to help me get Edward back to my apartment. I believed if he woke up in my bed something would trigger his memory. I just couldn't let him out of my sight and I was willing to share my bed with either Edward Cullen or Edward Masen.

Carlisle approached me with a sad look in his eyes, "Bella, I warned Edward if his drinking got extreme one more time I was sticking him in a rehab center. I can't let him go with you. He has to know I mean what I say."

"You're sending him away?" I asked in a panic.

"I'm sending him away to get help," he clarified.

"Please," I begged. "I can help him, I know I can. Don't send him away from me."

Carlisle hugged me and leaned over to speak directly into my ear. "He isn't your Edward anymore, Bella. He won't listen to you and I have to make sure he will listen to me. He is not a teenager, and the consequences of his actions will be a lot direr. I have to step in now or I will end up losing him too."

I wanted to tell Carlisle he was being selfish, but I couldn't. I knew he was right and I was the one being selfish by wanting to keep Edward with me. I had not seen him since Christmas Eve and the young man I saw today was not my Edward. I would have to wait even longer and pray he got the help he needed.

I nodded to Carlisle and tried to smile. Rose and Alice put their arms around me and led me back to the house, so I wouldn't have to witness Edward's drunken rage when Carlisle fulfilled his threat.

**Broken Shards EPOV**

I could feel the warm sensation of fluid dripping down my forehead and I wanted to reach up and wipe it away, but my body was numb. I couldn't focus on anything and could only hear a loud hissing in my head, as if air was escaping from my body.

I blinked to clear my vision and saw my mother. She was staring down at me as blood dripped from her neck onto my shirt. She was dying; her eyes were beginning to shut and I wanted to keep her heart pumping, but I couldn't move my arms or legs. I stared as the light in her eyes faded to black.

I couldn't hear my father, or see him anywhere around me, but a loud explosion illuminated the interior of the vehicle. I saw Bella, lying dead against the seat. It wasn't my mother I was witnessing dying again, it was the woman I loved, and I couldn't help her. A loud agonizing shriek ripped from my chest as I faded away.

"Do you know where you are?" a male nurse asked me.

I lifted my hand to push the light he was holding out of my eyes and swallowed, feeling a tube down the back of my throat. "Do you know your name?" he asked me as he stared down at me.

"Fuck you, where's my dad?" My body screamed in protest as I tried to move. I was stiff and each movement took great effort.

"Who is your father?" he pressed.

"Dr. Cullen, am I under arrest?" I asked, as I tried to rub the feeling of sand from my eyes. I figured I had been driving while under the influence, again. Carlisle was sure to send me back to rehab if I wrecked another vehicle.

The nurse left the room and I felt a brace around my neck. "Shit," I said to myself and went to run my hand through my hair, but nothing was there. I could feel the stubble of new growth and a very sore incision running down my scalp.

I pulled the tape on my face holding the feeding tube, then gagged and choked as I pulled the tub from my nose. I threw it onto the ground next to the bed and let my arms fall in exhaustion. I didn't know how much time had passed when Esme and Carlisle came running into the room. Mom was crying and dad looked scared shitless.

"Did I wreck a car?" I asked them.

"You were in an accident," Mom said softly.

"No shit, how much trouble am I in?" I said angrily.

"Edward, do you recall the accident?" Dad asked.

"Will my legal counsel want me to remember or not?" I said, ready for another round of court appearances.

"Bella is okay, Edward, she was released a few weeks ago," Esme informed me.

"Who the fuck is Bella?" I asked them, before trying to reposition myself in the bed. I grimaced and gave up.

Jasper walked into the room and his big ass smile faded as he looked at my mom and dad's faces. "Tell Mrs. Marshall I won't be giving that extra credit report after all, seems I'm a little indisposed," I chuckled.

He bit his lip and looked back and forth between me and my parents. Seeing Jasper freaked got me freaked. He was usually so calm.

"What?" I finally asked.

"Edward, you are in a hospital in Seattle," Carlisle began, "You had a head injury and things may be a little confusing for a bit."

I looked at the needle running into my arm and smiled, "Narcotics intravenously, what more could I want. Jaz, you want a hit?"

"I'll call Charlie," Esme said as tears streamed down her face.

Carlisle nodded so I asked, "Do I have a new lawyer?"

"No son, Charlie is a police officer in Forks."

"Where the hell is Forks?" I laughed.

"It was where you had the accident; we just want to let him know you are okay."

"I'm going to have to go to court in Forks?" I asked a bit confused.

"No, it wasn't your fault, you weren't driving," he told me.

"Who was?" I asked

"Edward what is the last thing you remember?" he asked as he pulled a chair up to my bed.

I tried to concentrate, but nothing specific came to mind. I must have been high for quite awhile to be missing so much time.

"How old are you?" he asked me.

"Almost seventeen," I said in a panic. "I'm still a minor, so tell that paid mouthpiece to save his lecture."

Jasper turned to leave the room and I yelled out to him. "You save it too, dude. Go ahead and walk away, I'm tired of you always being such a pussy."

Jasper stopped walking and turned to look at me. His face was a mixture of anger and sadness; he took a deep breath before speaking. "I have never walked away from you, even when I should have, so while you're lying there why don't you think about that."

My head was beginning to hurt very badly and I had to shut my eyes to concentrate. "I need more meds," I said to my dad.

"I'll get your chart," he said as he turned to leave.

"I don't need you to read my damn chart, I need pain meds, so be useful for once…." I couldn't finish. The blinding pain made it difficult to even speak. I could hear movement in the room, but the pain was consuming me. Finally the medication kicked in and I drifted off to the only place that brought me peace…into darkness.

A round of doctors began visiting my room. All asking me the same things, and wanting to know what I remembered. I didn't think much of it until I realized no lawyers came to visit. I was suddenly anxious to get the hell out of here. The narcotics were good, but I needed the action and excitement of my usual life.

I was able to walk up and down the hallway when Carlisle and Esme finally gave me the hard news. "Edward, we are sending you to a specialty hospital in Chicago," dad said softly.

"I'm not going back to fucking rehab," I screamed.

"We are not sending you to rehab son, I want you to listen very closely. You had a brain injury and you have forgotten things. You are twenty- two and a senior at the University of Washington."

I laughed a sickening laugh and waited for them to tell me it was all a joke. I began to feel panicked and tried to swallow the bile rising up inside me. "Your leaving me," I accused them, believing my ride had finally come to an end.

"Son, there is nothing you could ever do to make us stop loving you. We are getting you the best help available," Esme said as she held my face in her hands.

"Don't do this, Mom," I begged her. "Don't send me away, please. I won't go out anymore and I will stay away from the drugs."

"Edward, you already beat them, you just don't remember. I will go with you to Chicago, you won't be alone," she promised.

"You lying bitch," I screamed at her. "You're putting me back in rehab and fucking with my head. I'm not stupid. You just want to be rid of me."

Carlisle pulled her from my bed and led her out of the room. "Dad, I'm begging you, don't do this. You liar; you lied to my father on his death bed. You're just a fucking liar," I screamed.

A group of men came into my room to hold me down for sedation. I didn't have the energy to fight them and welcomed the numbing confusion the shot gave me.

Carlisle arranged for a private jet to take me and Esme to Chicago. I stared out the plane window at the large skyscrapers I remembered from my youth. I purposely forced myself to forget the days of going to Wrigley field with my dad or to the area museums for school field trips. Esme tried to get me to talk, but I ignored her as well.

The limo pulled into a small private hospital and I saw a large security desk right inside the door. I turned to glare at Esme and she assured me I was not being held here. I was free to come and go at will, but I was sure she was along to make sure I didn't go.

I walked into a small room which contained a desk, bed, dresser and a bathroom. I could feel the anger rising in me and wanted to throw the small lamp through the window. Luckily, a young nurse walked in to 'welcome' me. I smiled and was thankful for Midwestern, corn fed girls.

I sat on the bed and patted the spot next to me. She giggled and looked sideways at Esme. "I'm here to see if you need anything," she said to both of us.

"I am in desperate need," I said as I looked her up and down.

"We're fine," Esme said, "But thank you."

She turned to leave and looked back at me when she got to the door, so I winked at her. A few minutes later another young nurse came to the door and looked in. I smiled knowingly and Esme let out a loud sigh, "Edward, please do what the doctors say."

I chuckled and suddenly didn't feel so sad about leaving Seattle. The third person I saw was a white haired man with large jowls. He knocked on the door and walked in without waiting for a response. I lay back on the bed and removed my neck brace.

"Welcome, I'm Dr. Davis and I will be working with you on brain stimulation and memory progression." He held out his hand, but I ignored it.

"You won't be stimulating shit on me," I informed him.

Esme looked embarrassed but Dr. Davis continued on as if I hadn't spoken. "I have read over your history and I think we can help you."

"Well doc," I said as I folded my arms behind my head, "unless you can hook me up with some strong meds, premium coke, or a revolving door of willing and able chicks, I seriously doubt your claims."

"Edward, stop this right now," Esme said harshly.

"Mom, go home, I'm sure some hot nurse at the hospital is fucking dad right now."

Esme stood frozen to her spot and blinked several times to keep the tears at bay. Dr Davis pulled out a pen and began making notes. I laughed and asked, "You wanting the nurse's phone number?"

"I'm surprised you remember being a minor, but still speak so disrespectfully to your mother," he said.

"Surprised? I thought you read my history. I'm beginning to think my dad is wasting his money."

"Do you remember cutting your wrists?" he asked me without even looking up.

I felt my heart speed up as the memory flooded my mind, so I looked away.

"Don't you look away from me, you snot nosed punk," the doctor said angrily. My head spun around to glare and him and he only smirked at me.

"You're not here to bullshit your way around this place. You are here to work and become functional in society. If you think your wonderful mother is going to schlep your sorry ass around as you play like a little boy, you are sadly mistaken."

I went to open my mouth, but he raised his hand to stop me and spoke to Esme. "Kiss your son goodbye Mrs. Cullen, and I hope to return a man back to you."

"You're leaving me?" I said, suddenly terrified.

"No, son, I am staying here and I will visit you daily."

"I'm sorry Mrs. Cullen, but visiting hours are on Tuesday and Saturday," Dr. Davis informed her. "I also strongly suggest you do not visit."

I was about to grab onto her skirt and cry like a child, but the sexy nurse came in, so I just turned over in the bed and refused to watch my mom leave.

"Do you need something to help you sleep," the doctor asked.

I smiled at the nurse and replied, "Aside from gorgeous here?"

"You will find the staff here professional and unwilling to fall for your games," he said as he handed the nurse a prescription. "Unpack your things and get some rest. I will see you in the morning."

He left the room and I began unbuttoning my shirt as the nurse stared at me. "What's your name, honey?" I asked her.

"Kate," she said, still watching my hands make their way through the buttons. When I finished with the last one I let my hands fall, without removing the shirt.

"Your turn," I smiled.

She walked up to where I was laying and leaned over to speak directly into my eyes. "When you remember your age, we'll talk about it."

I laughed and grabbed her arm. "Honey, I can make you forget your age."

"You're not the first guy to promise me that, and you won't be the last one to disappoint me. Now, let go of my arm."

I waited for her to get almost out the door when I yelled out, "One month."

"What?" She said, sticking her head back into the room.

"I'll be fucking you in less than one month."

Every day was the same; aptitude tests, memory games, and therapy. I scored very high on the tests and usually won every game, but therapy was another issue. I could easily analyze things, but I couldn't feel any emotion attached to anything. Dr. Davis had a new plan.

I walked into his office and he asked me to sit in a chair facing a wall. He turned out the lights and turned on a projector. The first face staring at me from the screen was Carlisle's. "Edward what do you feel when you see this face?"

"The man's a fucking saint. He's a great doctor and…."

"No, Edward, what do you feel?"

I stared at Carlisle and couldn't name anything, so the picture quickly turned to Esme. Again, I stared at her face and could name great qualities, but I didn't feel anything. The next picture was of my real mother. I dropped my eyes and sat perfectly still until the screen changed again, to my real father. This time I stared at the fence behind him in the picture. The final picture came on the screen and it was a face I didn't recognize.

"Who is that?" I asked.

"I only want to know if you feel anything," Dr. Davis said.

I looked at the girl with chestnut hair and dark eyes. She was pretty and I was about to comment on her totally fuckable face, but something stopped me. I felt weird, almost protective of her. "Is it somebody famous?" I asked the doctor.

"No, do you feel attracted to her, sexually stimulated, a sense of familiarity?"

Something suddenly shot across my mind and I turned to look at Dr. Davis. "Hey, I need to talk to you about something, turn that off," I instructed him.

He exhaled loudly and turned off the projector. "What's on your mind, Edward?"

"I've been here for a couple of months and I haven't masturbated, and there are plenty of hot nurses if you catch my drift."

"Are you having spontaneous erections?" Dr. Davis asked, not seeming too concerned.

"No, you don't get it, two months, I have never gone two months without sex and now I'm not even jerking off. Something is wrong with me," I told him as panic rose up inside me.

"Nothing is wrong with you, Edward. Your body has had a terrible trauma and you have been on strong medications…."

"I have been high, drunk, and with the ugliest skank in the room, and have still been able to perform. This is different."

"Do you want my opinion?" Dr. Davis asked.

"Are you trying to be an ass, or does it come naturally, I asked you, didn't I?"

"Your brain is trying to protect you from a pain you are not emotionally ready to face. As much as women want to believe otherwise, the penis is very much controlled by the brain. Just relax Edward, it will be fine."

When I went back to my room that night I tried to think about past girls I had been with, but nothing put me in an aroused state. I was getting frustrated and upset when my mind wandered onto the face Dr. Davis had shown me. Something about the eyes made my body immediately react. I was grateful to know I wasn't physically unable to perform, but I was still worried about the fact some imaginary person was the only thing able to get it up.

The girl with the chestnut hair became my fantasy for a week straight. I was more relaxed and better able to focus on getting my ass out of this place. I finally realized it was emotion Dr. Davis was waiting to see, so I played the game.

I professed my love for Carlisle and Esme and told him of my fear of being away so long they would forget about me. I think that was fake….but something in the back of my mind told me that emotion was real.

I finally got the green light to go home. I insisted on traveling alone and felt like a kid in a candy shop when I entered the airport bar. I was legal, and could order anything I wanted. I put on my sunglasses and pretended to be sober as I boarded the plane for Seattle. Luckily, I was able to sleep it off a bit before I landed.

I was only home for half an hour when Jasper and Emmett stopped by. "You guys have to get me out of here. Let's party, and I mean a lot of alcohol and easy women."

They both looked at each other and Jasper finally said, "We're in relationships, Edward. We'll get a drink with you, but that's it."

"Please tell me you're not still with Alice…you can't be hitting that forever," I laughed.

"Yes, I am. We've grown up and I suggest you give it a try."

"Do you have any idea how long I have gone dry? My dick is starting to call my hand sweetheart."

Emmett laughed loudly and headed out the door, "Let's go by the sports bar, the Mariners are playing."

We watched the game for a bit, but I wanted action and fun; sitting with a bunch of men in front of several television screens was not my idea of fun. I headed to the dance floor and looked for anyone with dark eyes.

"Edward, I can't believe it's you," some chick screamed. I turned to see Tanya and thanked my lucky stars. She was a sure thing and I wouldn't have to spend time getting her loosened up with drinks.

"You are just the person I was looking for," I smiled and pulled her to my lips. My body went dead inside. Her lips felt wrong, and my hand even rejected the feel of her hair. I pulled back and took another drink from my glass.

"Let's get a booth in the back," she suggested and I nodded. I stopped by the bar on our way to the back and got a bottle of vodka. I was drinking it straight from the bottle and kept my eyes closed as she ran her hands all over me. I couldn't touch her back. My hands had something specific they wanted and she was not it.

I wasn't exactly sure what happened with Tanya. I woke up in my room, in the middle of the afternoon, the next day. I headed downstairs and right into the disapproving glares of my parents. "I'm an adult," I reminded them, and it felt great to say the words.

"I'm putting you on notice, Edward. If drinking becomes an issue I will put you back in rehab," Carlisle said adamantly.

"I was celebrating," I said hatefully.

"Being carried into the house with your clothing all disheveled is not celebrating. It is drinking until you pass out," he pointed out.

"Fine," I sneered. "I'll tone it down."

I got a call from Jaz later in the day and he told me they were going away for the weekend. A roommate of Alice's lived on the coast and they were going to see her. I was glad they didn't invite me to come. I was heading back to the bar tonight and didn't want to make small talk with some pimple faced coed.

I spent the next two weeks getting drunk out of my mind just to spend intimate time with women. I had no idea what they did to me, but I know I wasn't able to touch them back. My mind retreated to the dark eyes, and it worked, as long as my hands stayed off of the other women.

I woke up one day to find Carlisle sitting on my bed. I knew it wasn't going to be pleasant. I also knew he most likely sent Esme away for the day so she wouldn't have to watch.

"Let's get this over with, Dad," I demanded.

"I'm not letting this happen again," he said. "I'm setting down some ground rules."

"Such as," I said as I rubbed my eyes and tried to remain calm.

"You are going to work at one of my stores, and you will only go out on weekends. If you drink until you pass out again, it is straight to rehab."

"I'll work, but the weekend thing is a deal breaker," I bargained.

"If you can stay sober for a month, I will reconsider it," he countered.

I laid there with my eyes closed waiting for him to leave, but he sat there wanting me to look at him.

"Edward, is there anything you want to talk about?" he asked me.

I laughed at him and rolled onto my side, "Don't you usually pay people to talk to me."

"There was a time you and I were confidants. You shared all your hopes and dreams with me," he said softly.

"Yeah, that's what I heard, I can't imagine it, but crazier things have happened."

"I love you, son," he said and put his hand on my shoulder.

I remained perfectly still and didn't respond. He finally stood to leave. When he got to the door he said, "We have a fourth of July party at my sisters next week. I expect you to be there and for you to behave appropriately."

I turned over to look at him, "What other way would I behave?" I smiled sarcastically at him. He shook his head and shut my door.

I worked at his medical supply store for the week and stayed in every night. By the time the party arrived I was frantic for some fun. I showed up with my parents, certain I would not be going home with them. Rosalie opened the door and rolled her eyes at me. "I don't want you going out with Emmett anymore," she said angrily.

"Get more adventurous in the bedroom and he won't beg me to take him," I said as I brushed her aside.

She gave me a hurt look and turned to leave the room so I called out to her, "Beauty fades Rosalie, but talent lasts forever. I would be willing to teach you a couple of things."

She kept walking and raised her hand to flip me off so I added, "Anytime, you know we are not actually blood related."

I headed out to the deck and grabbed a beer. I looked over the crowd mingling on the beach and suddenly noticed a woman sitting alone on a wooden bench attached to the deck. She looked to be in her thirties, but she was hot. I walked over to look down at her, staring into some very impressive cleavage.

"Hello," I smiled.

She smiled up and me and licked her lips, "Who are you?" she asked.

I leaned over to speak into her ear, "I'm the guy that's going to make you scream with pleasure."

She stood and took my hand, pulling me into the house. I dropped my fingers from hers when the numb, empty feeling spread through me. I followed her to the library and she pushed me against the door and began unbuttoning my shirt. Her lips were all over my chest and I couldn't stand the feeling.

I pushed her back and tried to smile, but my mouth was trembling. "I need to drink more," I said.

"What?" She demanded in a very angry tone.

"Go fuck your husband and leave me alone," I said and left the room. I returned to the deck and grabbed another two beers. My shirt was unbuttoned but I didn't care. I walked down the stairs to head to the beach.

My eyes wandered to my parents standing with some girl with chestnut hair. The girl turned and our eyes met. She had dark eyes and I smiled at the sight. I looked at her body and smiled wider. This was going to be a fun party after all.

As soon as I got within speaking distance my dad told me to watch the drinking. I wanted to scream at him, but I had to stay calm for the girl. I handed her a beer, pretending like I was bringing it to her all along, but she handed it to Carlisle.

I was angry and I tried to cover by moving in close and letting my body touch hers. I asked her if she was a minor, knowing full well she wasn't.

She said my name and then something about candy. I had no idea what she meant, but a weird feeling ran through me. "Do I know you?" I asked. I let my finger run through her hair then onto her flesh and I felt electricity, not the usual cold I expected to feel.

"We were lab partners last fall," she informed me.

It all made sense now. If we spent time together we were absolutely screwing. She must be the one my body remembered so well. I asked her if she was any good. It was something that just fell from my mouth because I already knew the answer. This girl was worth fucking.

"Does it matter?" she asked angrily.

I wanted to tell her 'hell yeah it matters.' It wasn't like I wanted to take her to dinner, so yeah, it mattered. I leaned in to speak into her ear and the scent coming off of her made my body instantly react. "I just want to know if you're worth a repeat performance."

I didn't move away and when she reached up to touch my neck I almost threw her to the ground right there. "Maybe you're not," she said with hot breath into my ear.

Disappointment shot through me like a drug. Every fiber in my body wanted this girl in my bed. My brain was protecting me from remembering her, from the pain a woman like her usually caused guys. She was a tease, and I wasn't about to waste my time on her.

I stepped even closer and pushed my body against hers, giving me the most amazing sensation. It angered me that I wanted her so badly, so I said, "Tell you what, come find me when it gets dark and I may let you suck me off."

I stepped away and watched as the anger rose in her face and she struggled to calm down. "Don't forget the Dots, sugar," she said hatefully.

My stomach dropped like I was on a rollercoaster. I couldn't understand the feeling she was producing in me. It was like hearing a few notes to a song, but you can't place the words or the melody. I was so close to remembering….something.

I turned to leave and the feeling left instantaneously, so I looked back to see if it would return. Right at that moment Tanya yelled for me. I felt relieved to know I wouldn't be jerking off tonight. I caught her in my arms and pulled her against the erection the brunette had caused, as she kissed me sloppily.

The dark eyed girl called out to me and said something about disappointing her. I sat Tanya down to deal with the psycho when I saw the jealous look on her face. She was beyond jealous, she was pissed too. Maybe I had discounted her too quickly.

"Oh, and one more thing, make sure you have a soft pillow," she said with a smile.

My smile faded as I heard a very faint echo in my head. I tried to concentrate on the words and the voice, but I couldn't bring it forward. Tanya began pulling on my hand and I let her lead me away.

My heart was beating frantically as I watched the strange girl make a plate of food. I didn't know who she was, but one thing was for sure, I never wanted to see her again.

I finally took Tanya out to a car, after grabbing a bottle from the Hale's liquor cabinet. I sat against the back seat with my eyes closed nursing the bottle.

"Edward, can you do something this time? Why is it me doing all the work?" Tanya whined.

"Leave if you don't like it," I told her.

"I just want to do something different, you used to be a lot of fun," she complained and moved to lean against the door.

"Fine," I said and turned to lean against the opposite door. "You do what I tell you to do. Take off your shirt."

She grinned and quickly pulled her shirt off.

I took a long drink and then told her to remove her bra. She gave me a funny look, but went ahead and took it off. "Now play with your nipples," I said without any emotion.

"Are you serious, you want me to play with myself? That is worse than getting you off without any reciprocation."

I laughed and pointed my finger at her over the bottle still in my grasp, "That is a pretty big word, did it hurt?"

She grabbed the bottle and put the lid back on before sitting it on the floor. She crawled over to me and climbed onto my lap. "Come on, Edward. You used to be so good at this, what happened?"

I pulled my hands into fists and had to take a deep breath to control my anger. I looked into her blue eyes, hating them for their color, and said, "Get off me, now."

"Don't come near me again, Edward, I am through with you," she yelled as she put her clothes back on.

I climbed out of the car and headed into the woods towards the beach. I stood and watched the crowd as I smoked a cigarette. I didn't see the girl coming my way until she was right in front of me. It shocked me when she pulled the cigarette from my mouth. I wasn't really enjoying it, but it gave my hands something to do.

"What are you a Mormon, you don't drink and you don't smoke? I'm amazed you spread your legs for me." I wished more than anything I could remember sex with her.

"Am I speaking to Edward Cullen or Edward Masen?" She demanded to know.

I stepped back in shock. Maybe I knew her when I was younger and high all the time? "You freak me out, bitch, but I like the tight shirt." I was surprised I admitted she was rattling me and instantly regretted it, so I added the part about her shirt and could hear my own voice shaking.

"It's nothing you haven't seen before, so grow up."

The echo sounded again in my head and I grabbed her by the shirt to pull her to my face. She looked terrified and I was glad; she looked the way I felt. She turned her head and I saw a scar on her neck. I saw blood dripping from the wound, but when I blinked hard the gruesome image was gone.

I grabbed her chin and looked at the scar harder, "How did you get that," I demanded.

She pulled her hands up to my wrists and touched the scars there purposefully and said, "Someone loves you in spite of all the shit."

I couldn't breathe and had to get away from her. She scared me and I couldn't stand to be in her presence any longer. I walked away fast, but she ran after me. "Come home with me," she pleaded and I felt like I was going to vomit. I didn't understand what was happening to me and I needed to get somewhere and calm down.

I wasn't even aware of what I said to her, but her words cut like a knife into my soul. "Some tough guy you are, now I know why you sat and waited for the cops to come shoot you. You're a fraud."

Something was building up inside of me and I worried when I grabbed her I would end up really hurting her. She cried out in pain and I let go of my hold to see a scar underneath my hand on her arm. I was shaking from rage or some emotion I couldn't quite identify. I just needed to get away.

"You stay the hell away from me, you whore," I said, trying desperately to get her to understand how close I was to snapping. I walked away again, but she wasn't finished.

"It won't work Edward" she screamed after me. "You can't do this when my love is still in your heart. You can't touch another woman when your heart wants me."

_Oh, God,_ my mind screamed at me. She wasn't just talent that filled my bed, she was in a relationship with me; she knows the secrets I won't even admit to myself. She knows what my brain is protecting me from. I had let someone close to me and that realization panicked me to the point of almost tears.

I grabbed a bottle off the ground and threw it at her, wanting to stop her from speaking to me, from remembering me, and from hoping I would remember her. It smashed against the house over her head and the shards rained down onto her.

The echo began playing over and over again as the sound of glass shattering filled my head. Terror filled my soul as my heart beat wildly and everything became distorted and fuzzy. I turned and ran, without any clue why I was running. I didn't know where I was or what I was doing. I didn't even know my own name.

I saw a car that seemed familiar and climbed into the back seat to calm my racing chest. I saw a bottle on the floor and grabbed it with desperation. I guzzled the burning liquid as fast as I could and welcomed the tears it formed in my eyes. I was back, this was familiar, this was me, and I smiled as the darkness came for me.


	18. Chapter 18

Name: Shattered Glass

Author: Sdfreeze

Chapter 18

**Characters belong to Stephenie Meyer**

* * *

18

I didn't see Edward for the rest of the summer and Rosalie wasn't able to get any information from her uncle. All they would tell me was Edward would be back for the fall term. I kept hearing four words over and over in my head… a girl in rehab…and had to force myself to believe he was only getting help for his addiction, and not hooking up.

When classes started I was anxious to run into Edward somewhere. I was sure he would stop by the apartment some evening with Jasper and Emmett, or I would at least see him on the elevator once in awhile. But I saw nothing.

I finally went to his apartment and knocked on the door. Jasper answered and I asked to see Edward. "He's not moving back in until October," he told me.

"He isn't in school?" I asked in shock.

"Yeah, but he's not living with us yet."

"Have you seen him?" I knew the news was bad just by the simple fact I had to ask that question.

"Yeah, around," Jasper answered vaguely.

I nodded and went back to my own apartment and called Esme. She told me the University of Utah agreed to take Edward the following fall if he maintained his grades and took random drug and alcohol tests. Carlisle would only allow Edward to move back to campus if he passed the test every week in September.

"So, is he doing better?" I asked her.

"Much, but I'm afraid he hasn't remembered anything. You don't want to be involved with him just yet, Bella."

"I know," I said with a broken heart, "I just want to know he is doing well."

We spoke about how I was doing and about my future plans and then hung up. September took forever to pass. I was sitting in the hospital cafeteria studying when Carlisle approached me. "What brings you to the world of bland food?" He laughed.

"I'm doing a clinical rotation here this semester. It's nice to see you Dr. Cullen."

"Did you see Edward, he just left?"

I looked around the cafeteria in hopes of catching a glimpse, but Carlisle assured me he was no longer in the hospital.

"Was he taking a drug test?" I asked rudely.

"Yes, I'm happy to report he has been clean since coming home," he smiled.

"I miss him terribly," I admitted and kept my eyes on my plate.

"He helped Esme with the dishes last night," Carlisle laughed. "It isn't much, but it made her so happy."

"He's in there Dr. Cullen, I just know it."

"I agree; I only hope we can find him before he ruins his future. I would hate to see him lose his dream of becoming a doctor or end up with a child…"

He stopped speaking and put his forefinger over his mouth for a moment. "I'm sorry, Bella."

"Is he dating?" I asked softly.

"I don't know, he goes out every night, but he's passing the tests so….I don't know, honey."

I nodded and Carlisle stood to leave. If I couldn't run into Edward and the apartment, I would at least have hope of running into him at the hospital.

The first weekend in October I entered the elevator and sighed in annoyance when it stopped on the second floor. I was stunned when Edward and a voluptuous brunette, wrapped arm in arm, entered the elevator.

I moved back in shock and dropped my head. Edward only glanced at me as the girl ran her hand up his shirt. I turned to stare at the side metal wall and could see his reflection watching me.

"Why are you doing that?" he suddenly asked.

I didn't turn around but answered, "If you don't like it call the police, I dare you."

He straightened a bit and pushed the girl that was plastered to him away. "Do I know you?" he asked again.

"I guess the fourth of July is a bit fuzzy, what with the whiskey and all." The doors opened and I got out with both of them following behind me. I began unlocking my door and looked up right as he passed and looked over at me.

"I remember when I was the whore from the elevator, see ya killer," I said and shut my door as the tears began to fall.

A loud knock made me jump and I quickly opened the door to see Edward's livid face. "What did you say to me?" he yelled.

I noticed how the girl moved away from the door and back toward the elevator. I let the anger flow and used both of my hands to push Edward harshly back. "You heard me, killer. Did you tell her she is just a way to help you forget, or are you going to let her think she is special?"

He glanced at the girl and watched her in disgust as she hit the button for the elevator. "She's nothing to me," he said turning his head back in my direction. "You're all the same from the neck down anyway."

"Wow, you haven't learned a thing in pre-med. Maybe you should change your major after all."

"Are you going to end this shit and tell me our history? You obviously know me very well." He became very nervous and crossed his arms over his chest to stop the shaking.

"No, I won't tell you, you're going to have to remember yourself."

"I had an accident," he said hatefully. "I can't remember."

I pointed to my neck and held out my scarred arm. "I know all about your accident."

"You were with me?" he asked in shock.

I stood frozen to my spot and he continued to stare at me. He suddenly chuckled and stepped back, "Thank God for small miracles. I'm sure I truly wanted to forget all about you."

I could feel the tears threatening, and I wanted to hold my arms out for him to come to me, instead I stepped back into the apartment and shut the door.

I didn't see him again until the following weekend. Alice and I were going out for a late Sunday breakfast and entered the hallway just as Jasper and Edward exited their apartment. She ran over and kissed Jasper, suggesting to them both to join us. Edward glanced at me and nodded.

We walked to a small diner and sat in a booth. I noticed how Edward kept looking at the scar on my left arm, so I put my hands under the table. He chuckled and shook his head, then turned his body to face away from me and began looking around the diner.

I noticed a faint scar on his neck that disappeared under his collar. Alice and Jasper were whispering and giggling together so I tapped on Edward's shoulder. He looked over just in time to see my reach out to touch his scar.

He automatically turned to face me and I let my hand drop. "You're creepy," he said.

"I just wanted to see the scar on your neck. Was it painful?"

He shrugged and smiled, "There are pills in every color to take away pain, sweetheart."

I wanted to disagree; there was no pill in the world to stop my heart from hurting right now. "You weren't driving, you know."

I noticed how his leg began bouncing up and down. "I know," he said looking away again.

The waitress came to take our order and Edward lit up. She was young and pretty with a very short uniform. "You free tonight?" Edward asked as he ran his hand up her leg.

She looked at me, not sure if she should flirt with him or not. I pointed to my neck and said, "Just watch out for the pen in his pocket, but maybe he will wear his seatbelt for you."

Edward jumped up and grabbed the glass of water she had just set on the table and threw it against the window. I had to duck my head, and move closer to him, so the debris wouldn't land on me. The manager came running from the back and Jasper hurried over to talk to the man.

I scooted out of the booth and got right in Edward's face. I reached my hand into his front pocket and noticed how his eyebrows rose and a slight smile formed on his mouth. I pulled out the pen I knew would be there and held it up to my neck. "Remember anything, LOVE?"

"I have no idea who you were to me," he said softly, barely moving his mouth.

I pulled my necklace out from under my shirt exposing the half heart. "I'm the person who makes your heart whole."

He reached out slowly and took the heart in his fingers gently. He let his hand close around the metal and then hatefully pulled it, breaking the chain. "Not anymore," he said before walking away.

I wanted to stay put. I wanted to sit back down and let my heart cry out in pain, but I couldn't. Edward didn't let me push him away when I was in trouble, and I wasn't about to let him push me away. My legs automatically ran after him.

I called out his name, but he didn't stop the fast pace he was setting. I ran to catch him and pulled on his arm to get him to stop walking and look at me.

"I know you don't want me here, but you need me here," I screamed at him.

"Leave me alone," he screamed back. "I don't remember you and I don't want to remember you."

"You loved me once," I said sadly.

He looked me up and down and then laughed, "I seriously doubt that."

"I was right where you are now and you saved me. I'm not giving up until I save you," I yelled as I poked my finger harshly into his chest.

"You know where I live, show up in my bed and you can call it whatever you want, other than that, leave me alone," he said as he pushed me away from him.

"Fine, I'll show up in your bed anytime, but you have to promise not to let anyone else in there. I can't stand to see other women touching you when you know deep in your heart you belong to me." I angrily wiped the tears from my face and tried to square my shoulders.

He laughed hysterically at me and shook his head, "I can't even promise to keep it to one at a time and you want me to save a spot only for you … be serious."

"You can pretend all you want, Edward. I look in your eyes and I can tell it is killing you to live this way. Your heart knows better."

He took a deep breath and punched the chain link fence running behind him. "Stay out of my head. You are just fucking with me and I can't even…..I want you to stop."

My face slowly formed a large smile. I knew he was only going through the motions with the parade of girls coming and going from his place. Something was holding him back and for the first time I had hope he would actually remember us.

"One day," I smiled, "give me one whole day. If you don't remember me by the end of the twenty-four hours, I will walk away for good."

"You swear you'll leave me alone," he reiterated.

"Absolutely," I grinned.

"Fine, when do we do this?"

"Wait, one condition first," I added.

He raised his hands, waiting for me to clue him in.

"You can't see anyone else… until after our twenty-four hours."

"Then we have to do this pretty soon, I'm not a priest."

"I have next Saturday off, but I have to open on Sunday. Does seven on Saturday morning until seven on Sunday morning work for you?"

"You want me to wait a week?" he asked appalled.

"I'm sure the female population of Seattle can make it a week without you rocking their world," I said in anger.

He laughed and stepped closer to me, "I rocked your world?"

"Don't get over confident, I'm from Forks, I have a very small world." I couldn't help the smile that formed on my face. I remembered a time when he wasn't too sure of himself and I had to stroke his ego.

"Okay, Saturday morning," he agreed.

"Um…do you, I mean can you….um."

"Please tell me you are better in bed then articulating your feelings," he said impatiently.

"Do you drive, you ass?"

"Apparently better than you," he laughed, and I felt like he punched me in the gut.

"It was your idea," I tried to say loudly, but it came out muffled.

"What?"

"I didn't want to drive, it was your idea," I said loudly before the tears spilled over.

He began walking backwards as he said, "I won't be making that mistake again."

I watched him until he turned a corner and then sat on the sidewalk to cry.


	19. Chapter 19

Name: Shattered Glass

Author: Sdfreeze

Chapter 19

**Characters belong to Stephenie Meyer**

* * *

19

Nobody believed my plan would work. Alice and Rose were so worried they called Carlisle and Charlie. I told both men I had to try; I couldn't walk away until I had done everything in my power to make him remember. Carlisle told me to make sure Edward didn't drink and Charlie told me to remind Edward he wore a gun. I wasn't sure I was strong enough to walk away healthy if my plan didn't work.

I spent the entire week planning every last detail. I saw Edward once, as he was headed out of the hospital, but he didn't see me. By Friday night I was a nervous wreck and had to take some Simply Sleep just to get a couple hours of shut eye.

He knocked on the door right at seven a.m. and my hand was shaking as I opened it. "Can we get right to the sex, it's been a long week," he laughed.

"We're going to read Hemmingway first," I said with a straight face.

"What the hell, are you serious?"

I began laughing and he actually smiled at me. "You did tell me once you thought Hardy was almost poetic, I thought you were possibly gay," I teased.

"There is all kinds of fucking in Hardy's work, why can't I like Hardy?"

"Rule one, you can't say that word anymore today," I crossed my arms to show I was serious.

"You are a Mormon aren't you?"

"It just reminds me you aren't him," I clarified.

"Him who?"

"Edward."

"You need to get laid, Bitch; you are not making any sense."

"Rule two; you have to be nice to me today. At least make me believe you are trying."

"How many rules do you have?" he asked.

"Probably one for every time you open your mouth," I said in frustration.

"I can tell you are going to be loads of fun in bed," he laughed and then began speaking in a high girls voice, "Don't move like that, don't breathe like that, don't touch me there."

I laughed, but not for the reason he thought I was laughing. It was the memory of hearing him speak like that to me just over a year ago.

"Take a seat. First of all I'm going to tell you our history, then we are going to visit some places to spark your memory," I began.

He turned a chair around and sat with his chest against the back. I sat on the opposite side of the table and placed my hands on the top. "I first met you in a lab we shared. You asked me to be your partner and I said no."

"Why did you say no, did I use a naughty word when I asked?"

"I said no because I didn't want a partner, especially a good looking cocky guy."

He smiled, but kept his mouth shut, so I continued. "I went to the library to get away from you, but you followed me. I refused again so you followed me to work… which is the coffee shop, book store owned by Carlisle."

He nodded for me to keep going. "I met Jasper, but still refused to be your lab partner or go out with you."

"Why?" he asked again, seemingly bothered that his charm had not worked on me.

"I was going through a really difficult time, and you were worried about me. I'm sure you can guess how open I was to making a new friend."

"Worried…you sure?" he laughed.

"You told me about the car wreck that killed your parents. I had a similar situation."

He didn't move and didn't speak. If I hadn't been staring directly into his eyes I might have missed his reaction altogether.

"You made it out of your nightmare and wanted to help me make it through mine."

He chuckled and shook his head, "I wanted in your pants, Bella. I didn't give a fu…damn about your nightmare."

"You didn't get in my pants, so you must have given a damn," I pointed out.

"You were a challenge. I did eventually, didn't I?"

I stared at his unrepentant eyes and felt my confidence slip. I had to work through my own memories to make sure he hadn't been playing me all along. His love was real; I knew it was, so I continued on.

"Your dad moved the store and you brought me to meet Alice and Rose, to see if I wanted to be their roommate. When I say brought, I really mean kidnapped."

"Now we're getting somewhere. That sounds more like me," he laughed.

"That night I ran into you at a club. You were with Tanya and you wanted my help to rid you of her."

"I'm supposed to believe I chose you, Marie Osmond, over Tanya."

"Stop that," I yelled. "This is hard enough without you insulting me constantly."

"Okay, just answer one question," he demanded, "were you a virgin?"

"Why does that matter?"

"Because I'm trying to figure out why I chased you so badly, if you were, it makes sense now."

"You told me it was because you fell for me two years earlier and you could tell by my face something terrible happened."

"Why, what happened to your face? What did you used to look like?"

"Nothing happened to my face, never mind, let's go," I stood and headed to the door.

"Don't get mad, you have a really pretty face, I just want to know if you had a nose job or something."

I didn't respond and as he passed the kitchen counter he stopped to look at some pictures I had spread all over the surface. "What's this?" he asked.

"Nothing, I'm making a memory book for a friend's son."

He picked up a picture of Jake and turned it toward me, "Who's Tonto?"

I grabbed the picture in anger and looked at Edward with warning eyes, "Don't ever say that again."

"Okay, obviously an unrequited love. Why aren't you chasing this guy and leaving me alone."

"He's dead," I said bluntly and watched Edward's eyes for any response.

He laughed vigorously as he looked back down at the pictures, "Custer get him?"

I couldn't stop my hand from shooting out and slapping him hard across the face. He quickly grabbed me and posted me against the island. He was livid and trying hard to contain his anger, "Rule one, hit me again and I'm going to hit you back."

"You disrespect Jake again and I will beat the shit out of you," I seethed.

He chuckled, but didn't let up on his grip. He licked his lips and stared at my mouth. His face was inches from mine so I said, "Ask me."

"Ask you what?" he said in confusion.

"Ask me to kiss you," I said with a trembling voice.

"I don't want you to kiss me," he said with distain, but he didn't move away from me.

"You're going to have to say it like you mean it, Edward."

He gave me a really odd expression and seemed to be searching my eyes for something. He finally let go of me and backed up, clear to the wall, before saying, "I do mean it."

I held onto the counter top for support from the blow his words rendered. I couldn't look at him, because I was terrified to see the honesty of his eyes. I gave myself a quick pep talk and turned to lead him out the door.

The first place he drove was my old apartment. I showed him where I had lived and walked with him to where the shop used to be. I pointed to the spot he had scared off a creepy guy, but he seem genuinely bored.

Next, we went to the hotel where he had found me that night. I explained how he showed me his scars as I stood naked in the shower and he smirked and said under his breath, "I hope you were worth it when I finally got some."

I ignored him and walked back to the car. The next stop was the club where we had fought on the sidewalk and I put in the CD of the music I downloaded from that night. He reached over to the stereo and said, "Turn that shit off."

The last stop was the bowling alley. I took him to the lane we used and said, "Alice and Rose set me up with Mike Newton and…."

"Newton, you fu…screwed Newton?" he said in absolute shock.

"No, I bowled with him. You showed up with some drama queen who wouldn't even wear the rented shoes."

"Was she hot?" he laughed and actually waited, like I would answer his question.

"If you like the silicone type," I said irritated.

"I'm really not that picky," he said honestly.

"Well, it sure bothered you to see me with Mike," I said to defend myself.

"I'm sure it did, I don't want to pick up his diseases."

"You know what, this isn't working. Let's get something to eat and go back to the apartment," I relented.

He looked me up and down and smiled one of his heart stopping grins, "I'm game."

I was frustrated and beginning to worry about the quickly passing time. I could feel his eyes watching me but I couldn't look at him. I realized I was going to have to sleep with this stranger who was wearing my loves face. It would kill me to see him remain a stranger if I let him make love to me. It had to work. It just had too.

We sat across from each other in a booth and I watched as he eyed every pretty girl that walked by. I was sinking into despair when he finally gave me his attention. "What exactly are you hoping to gain from all this?"

"I want you to remember," I said honestly.

"And then what? Do you seriously think once I remember I will want an exclusive relationship with you, because I can promise you, it's not going to happen."

"You told me once you used drugs, alchohol and sex to hurt yourself. Is that what you're doing now?"

He laughed and sat back in the booth, crossing his arms in front of him, "There's nothing painful about it, love."

His phrase ripped into my heart and I had to look away. "Why do you want to hurt Carlisle and Esme?" I challenged him.

"I'm a grown man, how do you figure I'm hurting them."

I held out my hand and waited for him to take it. He stared for several moments and finally relented. I turned his wrist to expose his scars. "You told me you needed these to remind you of all the good things you would have missed. Esme needs them to remind her of the changes you made. I'm afraid the next time you will be more successful."

"All the more reason to get out of my life," he said softly.

I continued to stare at his wrist and run my fingers over the raised flesh. He didn't move his hand and I was afraid to look at his face. As long as he held still and I didn't look away, I could believe he was mine. The waiter came at that moment to take our orders and Edward pulled away.

We sat quietly for awhile and nursed our sodas. I watched Edward make eye contact with a young coed and wink at her. I excused myself and went into the bathroom to cry. When I returned our food was sitting on the table and Edward was busy eating.

I sat down and took a long, deep breath before picking up my burger. "What?" he asked with a mouth full of food.

I shook my head and turned to look out the window. Edward sat his food down and wiped his hands on the napkin, "Can I ask you some questions about the accident?"

I nodded and watched as his fingers drummed nervously on the table and his leg bounced up and down. He finally asked, "Did my pen really do that to your neck?"

I nodded and he moved his arms to lay draped over the back of the booth. "So….why, I mean what caused…."

"Do you want me to tell you about it?"

He swallowed and narrowed his eyes at me, finally nodding for me to continue.

"We were heading back to my dad's house, where we were staying, and I had just received some shocking news. I mean, out of this world, stunned the hell out of me, shocking news." Edward chuckled at my wording.

"I was a bit out of it and you unhooked your seatbelt to move over and kiss me, trying to comfort me."

"I had my belt on up to that point," he asked surprised.

"Yes, and you were having me drive, so I could work through some issues I had."

"Did I distract you?" he said under his breath.

"No," I answered loudly. "A semi driver fell asleep and came into our lane. I should have swerved to the left, but it would have exposed your side to the truck. I wanted it to hit me instead, but it threw you into me. Your injuries are because of me."

I reached up and wiped the tears that began to fall and watched his eyes for any reaction. He looked at my neck and my arm and asked, "Are your injuries because of me?"

I didn't answer, but leaned in and said, "You were lying in my arms, bleeding, and right before I blacked out you looked at me with such terror on your face. I know you thought you had killed me; that your nightmare was happening all over again. I'm terrified you don't remember me because it is just too painful."

"Bella," he said softly, "It's not painful anymore and I still don't remember you. I don't want to hurt you, but it wouldn't matter if I did remember. It would not change a thing."

I couldn't think of one rational reason to continue on with the day, except I was desperate for his company. I wanted to have the entire twenty-four hours one last time. I took my time eating my lunch and looked at the minutes clicking by on the large clock on the wall. Edward watched a football game on the television over my head, enjoying the lack of interruptions from me.


	20. Chapter 20

Name: Shattered Glass

Author: Sdfreeze

Chapter 20

**Characters belong to Stephenie Meyer**

* * *

20

It was late afternoon by the time we returned to my apartment. I noticed Edward began walking closer to me and finding little ways to touch me. All part of his seduction plan so his evening wouldn't be a total waste.

I led him to the couch and handed him the scrapbook I had given him for Christmas. I didn't give it to him just for the possible memories it would evoke, I wanted to know he would always have something from me. Something that was once part of us.

"What's this?" he asked.

"Your Christmas gift last year," I tried to smile.

He looked at it with a disgusted stare and finally asked, "Is this blood all over it?"

"It was in the Range Rover," I said softly.

"Is it yours or mine?" he said holding it with only his fingers.

"Does it really matter, Edward? I'm not showing you the blood; I'm showing you the damn book."

"My dirty mouth is rubbing off on you, I may have to spank you after all," he laughed and opened the cover, causing me to feel nauseous. It was getting harder, and harder, for me to find anything remotely familiar in the Edward sitting next to me.

He glanced through the book quickly and then looked up at me, "I don't get it?"

"You don't get what?" I asked.

"Why did you give me this book? I didn't ask for a book about your life, did I?"

I grabbed it from his hands and slid it under the couch. "Forget it," I said.

He turned sideways and began playing with my hair, "Come on Bella; let me give you something new to think about. You'll love it, I promise." He leaned in and breathed heavily in my ear before saying, "Take your clothes off for me."

I turned to see the beautiful face of the man I loved so much and had one last thing to try. "Let's take a shower," I suggested.

His smile grew wide and he kissed my neck, "Now you're talking."

He followed me into my room, and pulled his shirt quickly over his head, as he kicked off his shoes. I walked into the bathroom and told him to wait until I called him, then shut the door. I undressed and climbed into the shower so Edward would have to open the door, and I silently prayed it would be the one thing to make him remember.

I called for him and held my breath. He stepped in without even looking up at me, then pushed me against the tile and said, "Nice tits," before attacking my mouth. Even his kisses were different. There was no love in his gesture, no giving of himself, it was crude, and selfish and he was only concerned about his own body.

I began to cry but he didn't care, he continued to take, and take, until I finally pushed him away.

"Isn't this why I'm here?" he demanded angrily.

"I get it now, Edward; you once told me if the person you loved only wanted sex from you it would break your heart. You were right, get out."

"Are you fucking kidding me? I held up my end of the bargain, and lived like a fucking monk all week. You get me all worked up and tell me to leave, what game are you playing, Bella?"

I climbed out of the shower and toweled off. I walked into the bedroom and plugged in the blinking snowflakes I had surrounding the room. I turned to see Edward glaring at me and dripping on the carpet.

"Do you think it's beautiful?" I pleaded with him.

He glanced around the room and then shrugged, "If you have some ganja, it would be cool."

"This is your last chance Edward Cullen, this is the final straw," I said hysterically as I walked up to his nude body, with tears streaming down my face. "Kiss me the way you know I want, not the way you want, but what I want."

He stood perfectly still, so I pushed him with my arm. "I'm asking you to kiss me."

His hands wove slowly around my waist, and he looked scared to death, as he lowered his mouth to mine. He kissed me gently at first, but slowly it grew in intensity. I ran my hand into his hair and pulled him to me. He began to moan, and arched me back with the weight of his body, and my heart soared, until he pushed me harshly away from him.

"Now, what are you willing to do for me?" he asked with a sickening smirk on his face.

I stepped back and sat on the bed. "I'm willing to let you go now, thank you, for trying, I won't bother you again."

We stared incredulously at each other until he grabbed his clothes and quickly dressed. "At least you got it out of your system early and the night's still young. I won't have to watch a Saturday night go to waste."

He walked out, without even saying goodbye, and I crumbled onto the floor. I don't know how long I laid there, but I finally got up and got dressed.

I went into the kitchen and got a glass of ice water and stared at the pictures of Jake. I could recall with perfect clarity each and every one. I began frantically working on the scrapbook, determined to finish it and send it to Billy to give to Jake Jr.

I ran out of glue sticks for my glue gun and grabbed my purse to head to the corner store. I found a package of the sticks and didn't care I would pay fifteen percent more for buying them at a convenience store. I paid and threw them into my purse to continue on with my quest.

I was feeling manic, and so focused on my task that everything around me was a blur. It was keeping my mind off of Edward and that was just what I needed. I walked into the foyer of my apartment building and felt something sharp stick into my back.

"Hi, my precious," a voice said into my ear.

I twisted around to see who was speaking to me and holding me so tightly. I saw his long stringy hair and pockmarked face. The same man who had followed me from the coffee shop long ago.

"Are you following me?" I said in shock.

He pushed the sharp object further into my back and I cried out in pain. "Get in the elevator," he said softly. He pressed me forward and into the cramped space. "What floor do you live on?"

I stuttered and he broke through my skin with the sharp object in my back. "Top," I cried out. He pushed the button for the seventh floor, and spun me around so I was facing the front, with one arm over my shoulder and across my chest tightly.

The elevator stopped on the third floor and the doors opened. I saw Edward and a young woman all over each other. I let my eyes drop, afraid to look at him in case he could tell I was in trouble. I couldn't get him hurt, no matter how much he had hurt me.

The man's arm tightened and I could feel the sharp object moving up and down my back.

"Hey dude," Edward called out as the door shut with all four of us inside. "Did you happen to see the Chicago game today? I missed it, and don't know who won."

The guy shook his head and moved us further away. I could hear the girl giggling and finally heard Edward say harshly, "Get off of me."

I looked up, with only my eyes, to see Edward smile at my tormenter, "Girls, pain in the ass, aren't they?"

The guy chuckled and tightened his arm further. When the doors opened, Edward pushed the young woman ahead of him by the hips, and they began walking quickly down the hallway, "Have a good night," Edward yelled without looking back.

I stopped at my door and the man whispered, "Do you have roommates?" He smelled like glue or paint and thought I was going to vomit.

"They're away," I said, glad Rose and Alice would not be home because they thought Edward would be with me.

"Open the door and move very slowly," he demanded.

"You don't want to do this, my father's a cop, he'll find you," I threatened with a shaky voice.

He brought his mouth right against my ear and breathed heavily as he raked his teeth across the angles of the cartilage, "There's going to be so many pieces of you, daddy won't know where to look."

My hands were shaking so badly, I couldn't get the key in the hole. He pushed me tightly against the door and held my hand steady to insert the key. "Please," I begged.

"You make a sound and you're dead, you understand?"

I unlocked the door and once we were both inside I screamed and tried to run for the balcony. I had only made it to the living room when I was knocked from behind to the floor. The weight of him held me tightly to the ground, as a thin rope came over my head and tightened around my neck. I couldn't breathe and tried to fight with all my might.

Our thrashing moved the couch and I saw the bloody scrapbook lying exposed on the floor. I lost some of my will to fight. Death would finally end the pain my heart was experiencing. I began to hope I would get to see my mom and Jake.

I felt my shirt rip from my body as the room began to spin. I was just about to give in to the darkness when I suddenly got a whoosh of air. I gasped, and choked, as I struggled to fill my lungs with the beautiful oxygen. Suddenly, I became aware of the chaos around me.

Things were breaking and bodies were flying. I crawled over to the wall, to sit against it for support, as the loud grunting and breaking continued around me. I was finally able to make out Edward. He was holding the man by the hair and rammed him into the balcony door.

"Did you touch her?" he screamed at the man's bloody head.

I saw a huge knife glimmer in the light, just as both men rammed into the glass door, again. The shattered glass fell to the ground as I screamed in horror. My entire body was shaking. I shrieked and tried to stand, but kept falling back down the wall.

The guy finally went limp, from Edward ramming his knee over, and over again, into the man's abdomen. Edward was panting as he dropped the man to the ground and picked up the huge knife off the floor. He tossed it out the busted front door, past the other students flooding into the apartment. Some neighbors held the unconscious man as sirens grew louder.

Edward knelt in front of me and held his hands out cautiously, "Did he hurt you, love?"

I dove into his arms and clung to him tightly. He put his hand in my hair, speaking softly into my ear, "Bella, are you okay, please say you are okay."

I was sobbing uncontrollably so Edward sat against the wall and held me on his lap. "Nobody touches my angel," he said as he wrapped his shirt around me. I lifted my head, to stare into his eyes; eyes filled with love, eyes I recognized as my Edward.

An officer approached us both, asking Edward to step away while a paramedic looked me over. I refused to let him out of my grasp and buried my head in his chest. A man in a paramedic uniform pulled on my arm, causing me to scream and go completely rigid.

"Don't touch her again," Edward yelled. "Tell me where to take her, and I will do it."

"We want to check her vitals; can you put her on the couch?"

I was carried to the couch and Edward kissed my head before setting me down. He knelt down and took my hands in his, "I have to talk to the police now Bella, you're safe, and I will be right here, okay?"

I nodded, but watched him constantly with my eyes, waiting for the moment he would laugh and tell me he was only pretending to be my Edward. I began shaking and someone wrapped a warm blanket around me. They took my vitals and checked the injuries on my back and neck. I finally looked at the young man working on me and said, "I want Edward."

"I have to ask you something first, do you need a rape kit?" he asked nervously.

I looked up to see Edward's pained face waiting for me to answer, "No, he grabbed me at the elevator."

I watched Edward's eyes close for a second and he took a deep breath. He walked over to sit next to me and I leaned onto his shoulder. A gurney lifted and Edward put his hand over my face to block the view of the bloody man being taken from my apartment.

"Miss Swan," an officer called to me. "We need to take a statement from you; can you come to the department tomorrow?"

"I'll bring her," Edward answered.

"Does she have somewhere to stay tonight?" the officer asked Edward.

"Yeah, we'll be at my parent's home. I gave the other officer the address and number. Can I get her out of here now?"

He helped me stand, and threw his t-shirt back on, before tightening the blanket securely around me. I fisted my hand in his shirt and cried all the anger and pain from my soul as he held me in his arms, "I knew you were still in there. I knew it."

He led me from the apartment, past the stunned faces of the other students. My eyes caught the hateful stare from the girl Edward was with in the elevator. She crossed her arms and remained standing in my way. Edward tried to pull me to the other side of him, but I resisted. I stopped and raised my chin to stare right back at her. She finally moved to the side and I smiled.

"Thank you," I said to her, "you will never be in my way again."

She waited, like a coward, for us to pass before making a comment.

"I'll see ya later, Edward," she called out loudly as we entered the elevator. Edward tensed and only his eyes moved to look at me hesitantly.

"You're going to kill me, aren't you, Bella?" he laughed nervously, causing the two policemen with us to turn and look at me.

"Oh yeah, Cullen, you're a dead man," I said as the doors slowly closed.

**Mended Mirror**

I hated feeling this way. I was anxious, nervous, pissed, and scared shitless that I was never going to be able to perform in bed again. It all had something to do with Bella Swan, and damned if I could figure out what it was.

She was pretty; the type of girl you take home to meet your parents, not the type I was interested in. I didn't want a girlfriend; I wanted an easy lay to pull me out of the funk I was in. I could find solace in a bottle, but Carlisle was testing my piss and blood. I wasn't about to slip up and go back to rehab. I couldn't take another week in that place.

I knew what I had to do; I had to find some easy chick, which was simple with my looks and money, and bang her without thinking about what I was doing.

The Swan girl was so damn irritating; always making snide comments that freaked me out. I knew we were once an item, but that was long ago, and we weren't even together that long. Whatever I felt for her died on that deserted road on the reservation; what the hell were we doing there, anyway?

I played her game and showed up for my sentence of being condemned to spend twenty-four hours with her. It got me nothing. She revved my engine, and then left me idling. And what was with the fucking kiss? I felt like I was being sucked into a vacuum and I couldn't control my responses. I think I even moaned, shit, I needed a drink.

I left my apartment and headed down the stairs, so I wouldn't have to go past her apartment. I was determined to get Bella Swan out of my head for good. I got to the third floor and saw a hot girl in jogging clothes go through the stairway door, so I followed.

Her ass was tight and her legs were defined with muscles. I pictured them wrapped around me and called out to her, "Hey, sexy."

She turned and looked at me, as I swept the frontal view. She wasn't bad, seemed a little ditzy, but I didn't plan on having a conversation with her. She smiled and licked her lips as she pulled her hair from its ponytail.

"Are you talking to me?" she said coyly.

Who did she think I was talking too; she was the only one in the hallway?

"You busy?" I asked, giving her my best smile.

"What did you have in mind?" She said looking me up and down.

"You in my bed," I answered, getting right to the point. I didn't want to waste my time if she was looking for romance.

She laughed and held her finger out to beckon me forward. "I have to shower, but then I am up for just about anything."

I almost told her to forget the shower; images of Bella sprang to mind and I didn't want to go there in my head. I looked at her sweaty t-shirt and nodded, as I followed her into the apartment. Her roommate was home; a pudgy, studious looking girl, and I was stuck making small talk for almost twenty minutes.

I learned some valuable information about the girl I would be bedding from the roommate. Her name was Kari, and she just got out of a long term relationship and did not want another one. Could I pick em or what?

She finally emerged wearing tight jeans and a shirt that looked like a maternity top. I hated that damn style. Why were hot girls so anxious to wear billowing material to cover their curves? Oh well, I planned to remove the top soon enough.

"Am I overdressed?" she asked as I led her out of the apartment.

"We can fix that, love," I assured her.

"Do I at least get to know your name?" She asked.

"Kari, I'm shocked," I said pretending to be offended. "I made it my business to know all about you."

Her smile widened and she leaned into me. "You did?" she said, "I haven't seen you around before."

I pulled her to me and ran my hands down her sides, feeling the curves the damn blouse was hiding. "My name is Edward," I leaned in to brush my lips across her ear, "and you'll be seeing a lot of me tonight."

I reached out and hit the elevator button, to head to my floor, as she ran her hands up my chest, then down my back to squeeze my ass. I brought my hands to her ample ass and pulled her tightly against me just as the elevator door began to open.

I gave her one last smile and turned to lead her into the lift. Son of a bitch, if Bella didn't have a guy with her. She looked down; most likely embarrassed she tossed me out for some…

Several things happened at once, making it impossible to know the series of events. I was holding Kari close as I entered the elevator, and glanced at the man holding Bella. My mouth went dry and something happened in my brain. It wasn't an electrical shock, exactly, but some instantaneous switch kicked on and my mind flooded with memories and emotions.

I remembered standing on the street long ago, glaring at some greaser as he stepped toward Bella, this guy, the one with his arm on her. I knew he was the same guy, but my mind insisted on making sure.

"Hey dude," I said, to make him look directly at me. "Did you happen to see the Chicago game today? I missed it, and don't know who won."

He shook his head and casually moved further away, dragging Bella with him. His hand was against her back, and I immediately thought he had a gun or some sort of weapon. I wanted to rip his throat out. He was touching my angel, hurting her, and my heart began beating frantically.

I leaned my chin on Kari's head so my peripheral vision could keep an eye on the arm he had hidden. Kari took it as an invitation to rub her chest on me and place her leg firmly against my crotch. My nerves were on edge and I almost blew it by pushing her away, as I unconsciously said, "Get off of me."

The creep instantly looked at me, as if he thought I was talking to him. I smiled casually and said, "Girls, pain in the ass, aren't they?"

I heard him chuckle as the door opened. I pushed Kari out; keeping her in front of me as I almost ran with her down the hallway. "Have a good night," I yelled back to him, so he would think I had no intention of spoiling his plans.

I knew Rose and Alice were gone for the evening and called the police the second I shut the door. Kari stared in shock as I gave them information. They told me to stay in my apartment, but that was never going to happen.

"Stay here," I said to Kari as I ran down the hallway to press my ear against Bella's door, which had just closed.

I heard her scream and my blood turned to ice. I stood back and kicked the door as hard as I could. I heard it splinter around the lock and kicked it again, and began to panic when it didn't open. I took a running start, and hit it square on with my shoulder, sending it flying against the wall.

I ran to where I saw them on the ground. He was lying on her back, with her ripped shirt in his hand, when I hit him hard. He rolled with me, but I managed to keep my hands on the back of his pants and his hair pulling him to his feet.

Bella was moving, much to my relief, and trying to get air. He had been choking her and that fueled my anger. I went with my momentum and rammed him into the sliding glass door. Blood splattered with the growing cracks in the glass. "Did you touch her," I screamed at him, suddenly terrified more went on inside the elevator than I had assumed.

The guy reached into the front of his pants and pulled out a huge butcher knife. He lunged at me, causing me to back into the glass door, but I refused to let go of him, so we both crashed into the weakened glass. It shattered around me as Bella screamed, the exact same scream she used that night in Forks when she relived the horrible night Jake and her mother died.

She needed me, and I had to put an end to this guy fast. I pulled him towards me as I lifted my knee, ramming it into his chest. He gasped as the air knocked out of him. I did it over and over again until he was limp in my arms. I dropped him to the floor and grabbed the knife, tossing it past some guys from the floor.

They rushed in as I nodded towards the unconscious man, making my way to Bella. I didn't know what to do for her. I didn't want to traumatize her more by touching her, but my arms ached from want, no need, to hold her.

I put them out to her as I moved very slowly, "Did he hurt you, love?" I asked her, vowing to kill him if she said yes.

She jumped from where she was cowering against the wall and grabbed onto me like a lifeline. My body began to tingle with recognition and I held her firmly against me. My hand went to the back of her head so I could control her shaking.

"Bella, are you okay, please say you are okay." I spoke with my lips against her ear making sure she could hear me from the noise in the room and the sirens coming down the street.

Her entire body was shaking as she cried in my arms. I scooted over to the wall and pulled her onto my lap. I pulled my shirt off and wrapped it around her shoulders, trying to conceal her bra, and saying, "Nobody touches my angel." I rocked her, while the anger filled me as I thought about what almost happened.

She slowly raised her head to look at me. Her eyes stared into mine and my heart almost exploded in gratitude. Twice now I almost lost her; I would spend my entire life making sure it never happened again.

I could hear the other students telling officers what had happened. I heard our names several times, but my focus was on Bella. When an officer instructed me to let them examine her, she screamed at their touch and tensed in my arms.

I felt like a wild bear protecting a cub, I could easily kill anyone that caused her pain at this moment. I looked at the young paramedic and warned, "Don't touch her again. Tell me where to take her and I will do it."

He wanted her on the couch so I carried her, placing her as gently as I could before telling her, "I have to talk to the police now Bella, you're safe and I will be right here, okay?"

I gave my version of events to the officer as Bella stared at me the entire time. When the paramedic checked her throat I had to look away. I couldn't see the rope burns and remain calm. Another officer came in with a blanket and wrapped it around Bella's shoulders.

My heart stopped when they asked her if she needed a rape kit. I took a step away from the officer, ready to go after the guy on the gurney if she said yes. I can't even describe the feeling I had when she said no. I almost began to cry.

I walked over to sit with her and noticed how she instantly relaxed and molded against me. I stared with hate as they lifted the gurney to take the assailant out. I covered Bella's face with my hand, unwilling to let him even look at her again.

I was so relieved when they gave me permission to get her out of that apartment. I wanted her safe, and in my arms, where I could make her believe I would never leave her again. I pulled her to stand, and put my shirt back on, before wrapping the blanket tightly around her shaking body. She grabbed onto my shirt and buried her face in my chest.

I held her, giving her time to cry out her fears. "I knew you were still in there. I knew it," she sobbed against me.

How could I forget her, forget us? She was my heart and soul and I dismissed her every attempt to remind me. I felt sick inside, and at the very same time felt extremely blessed, to be standing at that elevator at just the right moment.

I saw Keri as I was leading Bella out. She looked at Bella with defiant eyes and I tried to trade places with her, so I would be the one to run into Kari. Bella stood firm and stopped in front of Kari instead of moving around her. God, this hurt; images of every girl I flaunted in front of Bella rush through my mind.

Kari stepped aside and Bella told her in no uncertain terms she would never be in her way again. Bella was more of a man than I was; I didn't deserve her.

We got into the elevator with two policemen and I cringed as Kari yelled, "I'll see ya later, Edward."

I saw Bella's jaw tighten as her arm locked around my waist. "You're going to kill me, aren't you Bella?" I asked her, already knowing the answer. The two officers were startled and turned to look at us.

She continued to stare forward, seemingly oblivious to the two men waiting for a response and finally said, "Oh yeah, Cullen, you're a dead man."

And with those words the two pieces of our hearts locked into place making a whole. We looked to each other, in order to see the reflection of ourselves. Time would make us better, but as for now, we were good.


	21. Chapter 21

Name: Shattered Glass

Author: Sdfreeze

Chapter 21

**Characters belong to Stephenie Meyer**

* * *

21

Esme helped me to a guest room and waited while I showered. She gave me a pair of Edward's boxers, along with a large t-shirt that fit more like a nightgown. I came out of the bathroom and she stood to hug me tightly.

"Thank you," she said sweetly. "I knew if it was possible to bring him back, you would find a way."

"I don't know what happened, Esme. I had given up. I let him go, but he came back and saved me."

She pulled away and I saw Carlisle standing in the doorway. He held out the phone saying, "I called Charlie."

They both left the room to let me talk to my hysterical father. He insisted on showing up for the statement the next morning. He assured me he would be able to remain in the room with me as a 'professional courtesy'. It did give me some measure of comfort to know he would be there.

I went into the sitting room to find Alice and Rosalie with tear stained faces. They both ran to me and we collapsed in a heap of hugs. Everyone was talking at once; I was telling them how glad I was they weren't there, as they were apologizing for not being home.

We finally calmed down enough for Carlisle to make his way over to me. "May I check your neck, dear?"

I lifted my head and he used a long Q-tip to put some ointment on the rope burn circling my throat. I looked into Carlisle's eyes and asked, "Where's Edward?"

"He went with Emmett and Jasper. They are picking up some things at your apartment. Edward said to call him if there is anything specific you want, if not, he will just pack a bag for you."

Alice interrupted, "I gave him some suggestions, but he seemed sure of what you would need. The guys are getting our stuff, too."

"You're staying here?" I asked.

"I'm not going back there," Rosalie said assuredly. "You managed to make _The Strangers_ seem like Disney."

I looked at Carlisle and asked the one question I was dying to know, but afraid to hear the answer. "Will he forget again, is this temporary?"

"No, dear, once his memory was triggered it all came back. He is feeling pretty awful right now, but I told him we're thankful to have him back, nobody will judge him." He choked up and couldn't continue so he silently mouthed, "Thank you."

I felt the tears begin to form out of sheer relief and happiness. "Rose," I said with authority, "Marry Emmett. Don't wait for life to be perfect and miss your opportunity."

She smiled and shook her head in agreement. "Yeah, I'll tell him to get ready for a summer wedding."

"No," I yelled, "have a Christmas wedding."

"It's cold and ugly at Christmas," she complained.

"It is supposed to be about being with the man you love forever, not the decorations. Please tell me you two have learned something from all this mess with me and Edward," I cried.

"Um, Jaz and I are moving in together," Alice said softly.

"What?" Rose and I said at the same time.

"We were waiting for you and Edward to move back in, so Emmett and Rose wouldn't be left without roommates."

We all hugged and laughed until Alice asked me to tell them how Edward remembered.

"I don't know," I said honestly. "I had kicked him out and he was with another girl. The next thing I knew he was saving me. We haven't even talked about it yet," I said as I looked out a window. "They've been gone quite awhile."

"They probably went for a drink or something," Rose said. I tensed and began biting on my lip, so Rose reached out for my hand. "I want to tell you something, Bella. Emmett told me Edward was not sleeping with all those women."

"You don't have to lie to me, Rose. I'm okay."

"No, I'm serious. That was why Edward was drinking so heavily. He told Emmett he just couldn't do it, he thought something was physically wrong with him. Emmett told him he just needed to get you out of his system. So….did he?" she asked, slightly embarrassed.

I shook my head and looked at my hands.

"Is there something wrong with him?" she pushed.

"Not that I could tell. It just wasn't Edward. He was….." I couldn't finish my thought.

"Impotent?" she said, thinking that was what I was struggling with.

"No," I screamed and hit her with a pillow. "He was more than willing, I just couldn't go through with it. I wanted him to be the man I love, not some playboy using me for the night. I let him go."

I looked out the window again and thought I heard Emmett's jeep.

"Did you know the guy who attacked you?" Alice asked.

"I saw him last year, outside the other store. He began following me and Edward showed up and scared him off," I shook my head in disgust. "Can you believe I actually yelled at him for it."

"Was he after you specifically?" Rose asked.

"I don't know, I can't believe he was looking for me for a year. I think it was random. Edward kicked the shit out of him, that's for sure," I smiled.

"Was he going to rape you?" Rose pushed.

I rolled my eyes at her, "No, Rose, he wanted to steal my homework. He had a huge knife and said he was going to cut me to pieces. He never asked for money or anything." I lowered my voice and said, "He ripped my shirt off."

I began to shake and I looked out the window again. "I thought I heard Emmett's jeep. Where could they be?"

Alice walked to the window and said, "The jeep is here, maybe they took Edward's car."

We were all staring towards the window when Jasper said, "What's so interesting?"

All three of us screamed at the same time, causing the guys to laugh. I jumped from the couch and ran to Edwards arms, "Where have you been?" I demanded.

He pulled back and gave me a funny look before saying, "Do I know you?"

My heart skipped a beat and all three guys busted out laughing. I was furious and pushed Edward away from me as tears filled my eyes. "Come on, Bella, I was joking. Don't be mad."

Something broke inside of me and I pushed him hard causing him to take a couple of steps back to steady himself. I moved forward and pushed him again, so he reached out and grabbed my arms.

"Don't be mad?" I screamed at him. "I had to see you passed out drunk, I had to watch you parade woman after woman in front of me, I had to sit there as you flirted and mauled other girls, and I had to listen as you told me you wouldn't want me even if your memory returned."

"Bella, I…."

"That wasn't even the worst part," I screamed louder. "I had to look at your bleeding body in my arms and think I killed you, and then watch some psycho try to stab you with a knife."

He pulled me tightly to his chest and let me sob in his arms. He rocked me back and forth, continuing to apologize as I tried to gain control. Everyone stood silently until I managed to ask, "Where were you? You were gone so long."

Edward took my hand and led me to guest room as everyone followed. He opened the door and I heard Rose and Alice gasp. All the twinkling snowflakes were hanging in the dark room and a Christmas tree was in the corner, lit and decorated. "We missed Christmas," he said into my ear.

"I am so having a Christmas wedding," Rose announced, then quickly added, "Is that our tree from storage?"

Emmett and Jasper pulled their girlfriends from the room and shut the door. "I can't believe you did this," I cried.

"When I walked into your room I was stunned by the lights. It was beautiful and I didn't appreciate it before. I'm sorry, love." He pulled my necklace from his pocket and opened his hand, "I will get this fixed first thing Monday morning." The pain he was feeling was written all over his face and it hurt just to look at him.

I held out my hand and watched the jewelry fall into my palm. "Edward," I said softly. "I really need you to kiss me right now."

He reached out with his hand and lifted my chin, so he could look into my eyes. "Bella," he said as his voice cracked, "I love you."

I melted into his arms as he kissed me in the familiar way he used to. I could feel his love and I felt like I belonged to him. His lips were soft against mine and he folded his body around me. I felt safe. We stood there in the middle of the room getting reacquainted with the feel of each other and I noticed how Edward seemed to grow more nervous.

"Let's just hold each other tonight," I suggested. "No pressure and no expectations."

He smiled and looked at the bed. "I bought you a Christmas gift," he said.

"It's not Christmas, and you already gave me one, remember." I held the necklace up to remind him.

He walked over and pulled down the comforter to show a brand new pillow with a big red bow. I squealed like a child and jumped into the bed.

"It is made from the down of baby geese, and guaranteed to be the softest pillow on the market," he said as he undressed and climbed in next to me.

We laid facing each other only inches apart. "Did baby geese die for this?" I asked, pretending to be sad.

"You tried to feed me Bambi's father as I recall."

I rolled my eyes and laughed, "Bambi's mother died, not his father."

"Whatever, it was much more upsetting than molting geese."

"City boy," I laughed.

He kissed me again and I felt like the ground was falling out from under me. He could turn my world upside down with his kisses alone. When he moved back to his own pillow I stared into his eyes, verifying he was indeed the man I love.

His eyes lowered to my neck and then quickly moved away. I knew it must be hard for him to remember how he treated me, and try to reconcile that with the fact he saved my life.

"Are you ready to answer some questions?" I asked him.

He took a deep breath and nodded.

"You told me it wouldn't matter if you remembered or not. You didn't want to be in a relationship with me." My heart ached just to repeat his words.

"Everyone tried so hard to fill in the blanks for me. I got information, I got stories, but there was no emotion attached to them, I didn't feel anything. When I was around you I would get the weirdest sensation. It is really hard to explain. It felt like an echo of past feelings, but I couldn't connect it to anything."

"Your drinking…."

"Gave me an excuse not to feel. It made me seem normal, if there was some other reason for my behavior than just a blank slate in my head."

"The women?" I asked quickly before I lost my nerve.

"I made it look a lot worse than it was, Bella. In fact, I tried to do it around you, because it stirred something in me. I could feel something, but I didn't understand what it was. When you were gone I was just empty again, and I would send them home."

"You hurt me very badly," I admitted.

"Can you forgive me?" he asked, his eyes dropped from mine in shame.

"It was nothing you did on purpose, Edward. I can't hold a brain injury against you." I reached out and tangled my fingers in his. "What made you finally remember?"

"The moment the elevator doors opened and I saw his face it all came flooding back. I almost lost it right then. I could tell he had something in his hand and I didn't know if it was a gun or not."

"But," he confessed, "It started with the kiss, when you asked me to kiss you the way you would want to be kissed. It was so different. It freaked me out, but not like the other stuff that triggered small sparks in me."

"You left," I said quietly, remembering how easily he walked out of my room.

"I didn't know how to handle it," he admitted.

"And you went right to another girl," I pointed out, feeling a bit of anger rising.

"Bella, I hoped to stay the night with you, to fix some issues I was having with…" He shook his head painfully and refused to finish the sentence, so I said it for him.

"Not being able to have sex with other women?"

He looked at me with shock and widened his eyes before confirming my statement. "Yeah, and I was determined to get you out of my head. It was stupid, but it placed me at the elevators. I can't imagine what would have happened if I wasn't there."

"I had no idea you remembered. You didn't give it away, at all."

"I knew something was up when you didn't say anything or look at me, so I looked at the guy." Edward chuckled and shook his head. "The hardest part was letting Kari still touch me. I wanted to scream at her to keep her hands off me in front of my girlfriend."

I smiled and reminded him, "I did hear you tell her to get off of you."

"It was nothing close to what I wanted to say," he shuddered. "I called the cops, but once I heard you scream, I couldn't wait any longer."

"I didn't want him to hurt you," I cried. "I was so afraid when I realized it was you fighting him."

"I don't want either one of us to be afraid, ever again," he whispered and ran his finger down my cheek.

"I love you," I said softly to his hesitant eyes.

"I love you," he whispered back.

"I want you," I added, and watched him swallow nervously.

He moved to hover over me, and I wrapped my legs around his, letting my feet rest on his calves. He inhaled sharply and closed his eyes, "I remember this," he smiled.

"I've missed you so much," I said as I pulled him to me.

We moved together, under the twinkling snowflakes, as the memories of each other's body flooded our minds. He lost all fear in the sweetness of knowing exactly what I wanted, and needed. His macho pretense was gone, and his vulnerable confidence returned.

I held him with a desperation only found in poetry. My body needed him to understand he was my entire reason for existing. We cried out together, with a passion too intense for words, and collapsed in each others arms, holding tightly to one another, unable to think coherently.

Our tears mingled together as we cried for all the pain we had lived through, and all the joy waiting for us in a life as one. We settled, contently wrapped in each other, and I concentrated on his even breathing.

"Bella," he finally said.

"Yes."

"Merry Christmas."


	22. Chapter 22

Name: Shattered Glass

Author: Sdfreeze

Chapter 22

**Characters belong to Stephenie Meyer**

* * *

22

I woke up feeling like I had run a marathon. Every part of my body was sore and my neck felt like it was on fire. I stirred and reached out for Edward. The bed was empty, of course, and I groaned loudly.

"I'm right here, love," he said, sitting in a chair by the window.

"You're watching me sleep?" I asked.

"I can't tear myself away," he laughed and climbed back into the bed. I snuggled against him and inhaled the distinctive scent of his body.

"How did you sleep, any nightmares?" he asked.

I tensed and didn't answer, so he moved to look into my eyes.

"Edward, please don't be mad," I started.

"What?" he asked with a terrified expression.

"Promise me you won't be mad, or hurt."

"Just say it, Bella," he pushed.

"I don't like this pillow, it's too soft."

He exhaled loudly, and pulled out of my arms to stand and put his boxers on.

"Where are you going?" I asked.

"I'm going to get a gun," he said in exasperation.

"You can't shoot yourself Edward," I laughed, "I love you too much."

He turned to face me and raised his eyebrows, "I'm _not _shooting myself," he announced.

"Charlie will hunt you down," I teased.

"Charlie lost his woman over pillows, he will totally understand," Edward countered.

"At least make love to me one more time, before you kill me," I said, pulling the covers down for him.

"No," he answered, "I'm too devastated."

"I'll buy you Dots and Razzles to make up for it," I bargained.

"Only one thing will help me heal from this emotional scarring," he said as he folded his arms in front of him.

"Name it, and I'll do it," I said, giving him my most effective come hither look.

"Marry me."

I choked and sat up to catch my breath. "I'll keep the damn pillow," I laughed.

Edward knelt against the mattress and smiled up at me. "I've been thinking about it all night. I graduate in December, you graduate in the spring, and we can go to Utah together in the fall. The timing is perfect."

"Edward, do you worry that our relationship has been so full of drama, that without it, you may not want me?"

"Do you have any idea how badly I want all the drama to be gone? I _want _to be boring Edward and Bella, of course, I'm sure we will have pillow drama forever."

I looked into his eyes and felt my heart begin to beat in excitement. "You seriously want to marry me?"

"Yeah, I seriously want to marry you, imagine that."

I pulled him back into the bed and he rolled under me. I was smiling down at him and needed to pinch myself to make sure I wasn't dreaming. "I love you, Edward. I love you so much that I will happily agree to be your wife."

He produced a huge smile and then whispered in my ear, "Now, lets get back to the 'name it and you'll do it' proposition."

I kissed him hard as he chuckled against me.

It was late morning by the time Carlisle knocked on our door to tell me my father was at the station waiting for us. I opened the door fully dressed and smiling like a crazy woman.

"You look much better," Carlisle laughed.

"I've got the world in my hands," I said happily.

Carlisle grabbed Edward by the shoulders and looked into his eyes. I'm sure he needed to know for sure his son was back, and the nightmare was over.

"I am so sorry, Father," Edward said with a sincere heart. Carlisle shook his head back and forth, refusing to let Edward apologize.

Esme walked up behind them and wrapped her arms around Edward from behind. He laughed and pulled her around between him and Carlisle, before saying, "I'll make it up to you, I promise."

"I'll leave out the Cartier and Tiffany's catalog," Esme joked.

"Wait, I can't remember, what happened," Edward teased, causing Esme to swat his butt.

Carlisle and Esme left to meet with a contractor about installing security in the apartment complex, and Edward and I went to the police station. I ran to my father's open arms, and after almost squeezing me to death, he shook Edward's hand like he owed him his life.

I was taken into a small room where two detectives sat at a table. I reached out for my dad's hand for comfort. "Miss Swan," one man said, "Did you know James White before yesterday?"

"I saw him about a year ago, I didn't even know that was his name."

"You weren't dating, or having a relationship?"

My stomach turned and I glared at the man, "No, we weren't."

"Had he been at your apartment before?"

"No, he didn't even know which floor I lived on. He grabbed me in the lobby and forced me into the elevator."

"Did you have a conversation?"

"A conversation?" I laughed incredulously. "If him telling me he was going to cut me into pieces can be called a conversation, than yeah, we talked."

Both me stared at me for a moment and said, "We interviewed James this morning. He said you invited him up and then an ex boyfriend broke in and assaulted him."

"And he usually brings rope and a large knife on dates?" I threw back at them.

The men laughed and nodded at Charlie, "She's good."

They walked me through the story, detail by detail, and it was way after lunch by the time we were finished. Edward and I took my dad to a Seafood restaurant and sat anxiously waiting for the perfect moment to give him our news.

We were sharing a huge bowl of shrimp when I looked at my father and decided to get it over with.

"Dad," I said, suddenly thinking of something. "Why don't you marry Sue?"

"My line of work isn't too conducive to marriage, Bells."

I reached out and took his hand in mine, "Dad, don't make Sue suffer for mom's weaknesses. If she loves you, it would hurt just the same to lose you, married or not."

"You trying to get rid of me?" he asked with suspicion.

I smiled and looked at Edward, "Some crazy guy is willing to take me off your hands."

Charlie stared back and forth at us for a minute, "This is pretty sudden, don't you think?"

"Our situation has aged us quite a bit," Edward laughed. "We don't want to be apart ever again."

Charlie's jaw tightened, and he cleared his throat as he pushed his plate away. My breathing picked up and I could tell something was wrong. Charlie wasn't going to be happy for us. He was mad, and I had no idea why.

"Edward, I like you son, but I'm not convinced your problems are behind you. I can't let Bella marry a drunk."

"Dad," I yelled. "He's not a drunk."

"Two trips to rehab, and no telling what else he has lingering in his past. I just think you two need more time to really get to know each other."

I stared into Edward's hurt face and began to cry. "Dad, how could you be so mean. Edward is my world. I love him completely and I don't care what comes at us. We will face it together."

I turned to Edward and held his face in my hands, "Don't listen to him, Edward. I don't care about your past, but our future is together."

Edward looked at Charlie and nodded. "I have nothing to say that will change your mind. But, I will prove to you how much I love Bella. She will always come first in my life and I will take good care of her."

"Does she know about the baby?" Charlie asked through clenched teeth. My heart dropped into my feet.

"H…um…how did you know?" Edward whispered as he turned pale.

"I told you, I checked into your past. When you sign a paper relinquishing parental rights, it gets filed with the court."

"Edward?" I asked, wanting him to tell me it was all a joke they were playing on me.

He turned to look at me with defeat in his eyes. "Your father is right, you deserve someone better." He stood to leave and I grabbed onto his shirt.

"No, Edward. Don't you dare walk out on me. We are engaged and I am going to be your wife. Sit down and talk to me." I turned to look at my father. "I want you to leave, dad. This is between me and Edward."

Charlie stood and dropped some money on the table. "Edward, thank you for saving Bella. But I'm asking you to do the right thing, and wait to marry her. Bells, I'm sorry to bring it up this way. I was waiting for him to tell you."

I was beginning to panic and felt like I couldn't breathe. I watched my father walk away and waited for Edward to say something.

"I was not quite sixteen, Bella," he said in a hushed voice.

"I don't care, Edward. I know the history. You are not the same person. We will have our own children someday."

"I wasn't trying to keep anything from you. I would have told you, but your father is right about one thing, we haven't known each other very long," he said as he shook his head. The pain on his face was agonizing to look at, and I couldn't help but wonder if his son or daughter looked like him.

"Then tell me now, get it all out in the open. It isn't going to change anything, Edward."

He glanced around the restaurant and looked back at me. "Not here, let's go."

We drove to his house and everyone began asking how it went at the station. I was trying to smile, but Edward wasn't putting forth any effort.

"Mom and Dad, can we talk to you?" he asked as he headed to Carlisle's office.

Alice and Rosalie stared at me, I only shrugged and followed Esme. Carlisle sat at his desk and Esme sat on the arm of his chair. Edward and I sat on the sofa across from them.

"Is something wrong?" Carlisle asked.

"Yeah," Edward said, and let his head drop back to look at the ceiling. "I asked Bella to marry me."

They both froze and weren't quite sure what to do, or say. "How is that wrong, son?" Carlisle asked.

"Because Charlie doesn't want such a stupid bastard for a son- in-law," Edward said in frustration.

"He didn't say that, Edward. He just thought we were rushing things," I said, to defend my father and my boyfriend.

Edward finally sat back up and looked at his parents. "He told her about Jane," he said, then grabbed a pillow and threw it across the room.

It was quiet and tears formed in Esme's eyes.

"Is Jane your child?" I asked Edward.

He kicked the coffee table, sending it flying into Carlisle's desk, and said, "Jane was a child, just not my child." He was obviously disgusted with himself.

"Edward," Esme called out, "you were a child, too."

His hands pulled into fists, causing me to stand up and look down at him. "Stop acting like a child, Edward. You made a mistake, who hasn't?"

I looked over at his parents, "Can someone explain the situation to me?"

Edward jumped up in anger and lifted his hands to expose his wrists. "This is Jane, Bella. She was fourteen years old, and introduced me to heroin. I got arrested stealing a pregnancy test for her and guess what, it was positive. I got bailed out of jail….again….still high as a kite, only to find out the child I'm having sex with is pregnant."

He motioned his arm toward Carlisle and Esme. "So my saintly parents told me they still loved me. I ran my life right into the gutter, and they still loved me."

He looked at Carlisle and Esme and exhaled loudly as his tears spilled over his eyes. He pointed at them, while looking at me and said, "And look at their faces, Bella. That is what I did to them."

I looked at the pain so evident on both Carlisle and Esme's faces, but there was something else there, too. They loved Edward, with all their heart.

"Am I supposed to feel sorry for you? Two people love a boy, who lived a nightmare, unconditionally and you want my pity? You have a son or a daughter, Edward. Get off your ass and make sure he or she is okay, and if not, fix it. I will be right by your side the entire time."

I watched the anger slowly fade from his eyes and amazement take its place. "I don't deserve you guys," he said to us.

Esme walked over to pull him to her chest and rubbed his back with her tender hands. "We are blessed for knowing you, son."

Carlisle followed her lead, and hugged Edward tightly, as if he were a small child. I stood there watching with tears streaming down my face, until Carlisle grabbed me and pulled me into the hug, too. "We're all together on this, understand?" he said to me and Edward.

We both nodded.

"Let my call my lawyer and find Jane."


	23. Chapter 23

Name: Shattered Glass

Author: Sdfreeze

Chapter 23

**Characters belong to Stephenie Meyer**

* * *

23

After all the difficulties I have had in my life, you would think I would be more astute in the ways of the world. I was naïve enough to think one phone call would produce Edward's child, living in a little house surrounded by a picket fence, with a stay at home mom and a successful adoptive father.

It didn't work like that. Weeks passed quickly. Edward and I were busy with school and spending every spare moment getting to know each other better. If my father decided to throw a pop quiz at me regarding Edward's life, I was determined to ace the test.

I found out Edward was _really _weird about his shoes. They had to face toward the door, no matter where they were in the house. He found out I was not only grumpy in the morning, but the night before a big test was not the time to want my attention.

I grew to love him more each day and he began to share more, and more, of his past with me. He was nestled in my neck when he told me the real reason he signed away parental rights to his child. "I wanted Jane to have an abortion, two drug addicts couldn't have a child, but she insisted on adoption. I was so relieved she didn't want us to keep it, because I was terrified the child would be deformed or handicapped in some way."

"How did you finish school and keep a 4.0 grade average?"

"School was something Carlisle insisted on. I crawled out of flea infested rat holes and returned every night to my beautiful home. I was too selfish to give it up."

"I think there was another reason, something alive inside you that refused to die. I think it was the spirit of your parents."

He raised his head and looked at me with surprised eyes. "Thank you, Bella. That is the kindest thing anyone has ever said to me."

I smiled as he kissed me softly, "Do you have any idea how much I adore you?" I said against his lips.

"I can't believe you're going to marry me," he said shaking his head.

"I can't believe you graduate in three weeks. You will no longer be a college kid, but like a real man," I laughed.

"I don't feel like a man," he admitted. "Emmett and Rosalie are getting married soon and I still think of them as high school kids. I remember Emmett bragging about touching her breasts for the first time and nobody believed him."

I laughed hard, "Why didn't they believe him?"

"Rosalie refused to even acknowledge he existed at school. She was not proud of the fact she fell for a jock. Rose was class president and captain of the scholastic team. Emmett was known for being able to guzzle the most beer."

Edward moved back to my side and I stared at the ceiling. "Life sure is full of surprises," I mused. "Look how many times the things we plan shatter like glass around us, but we pick up the pieces and just continue on."

"It is so much easier when someone helps you pick them up," he added and pulled me tighter to him.

I yawned and turned to spoon against him, "Your whole life could shatter and I would pick you up, no matter what."

"You're still my angel," he mumbled as he drifted off.

"You bet your ass I am," I slurred back.

Alice and I tried to help Rosalie make plans the best we could and still keep up with our classes. She was stressed like crazy and Emmett was staying far from her wrath. "Whose idea was it to plan a Christmas wedding?" Rose glared at me.

"I said to marry Emmett, not plan a royal wedding. You're the one with the princess complex, not me," I said in frustration as she tried on her dress for the final fitting.

"You are the one to benefit the most from my planning, Bella. When you marry Edward all the background work is already done."

"I'm marrying Edward at city hall. I'm not stupid enough to do all this pomp and circumstance."

Alice and Rosalie both looked at me with stunned faces. "Have you set a date?" Alice asked.

"No, he's graduating; we're focusing on that right now."

"Something is up with you two," Rose accused.

"Sorry if my complete devotion to the man I love seems fishy," I said sarcastically. My cell phone began to ring and I pulled it from my backpack.

"Hi gorgeous," I smiled.

"If your attention is not going to be on me, leave the dressing room," Rose demanded. I stuck my tongue out at her and walked outside.

"Carlisle got some news on Jane," Edward said with a very somber tone.

"I'm guessing it isn't good news."

"She never followed through with the adoption."

"She kept the baby…how?" I asked in shock.

"She embezzled some money out of prospective families, promising she would give them the baby and then moving."

"So where is she now?" I asked.

"She's dead," he said with a shaky voice. "She overdosed about ten months ago."

"Where's the baby?" I asked as my legs began to shake.

"Son, Bella, I have a six year old son," he said as he began to cry.

"Where are you?" I asked as my own tears began to fall.

"I'm at the hospital," he whispered.

"I'm only a few blocks from there, wait for me," I said as I headed down the street.

I ran into Carlisle's office to find Edward with his head in his hands. I pulled him to me and hugged him tightly. "I'm so sorry, Edward."

"I signed away my son to a heroin addict. How could I do that?" he cried.

"She lied to you, Edward. You were both just kids, you did the right thing, she didn't."

"What if she hurt him, or sold him, or gave him drugs."

"We're going to find him," I said, "and I know just the man who can do it."

I pulled out my cell phone and called my father. I was waiting for him to tell me I needed to get myself away from Edward and his problems, but he didn't. He was supportive and promised to use any resources he had to track down the child. I didn't know if he was doing it for me, or for Edward, but right now I didn't care.

I also didn't realize how Edward changed that day. His focus had been on himself most of his life. When he met me it changed to include us, but now he didn't care about himself. He knew there were children out there in trouble, and he was determined to do something about it.

He graduated with honors and I had to pull him away from the poor psychology professors he was inundating with questions about available social services for children. Rosalie's wedding was another opportunity for him to hit up all the area movers and shakers about their desire to support various causes.

I finally pulled him onto the dance floor, just so I could have him in my arms for a minute. "Edward, when you are wearing a tux nobody is listening to your desire to change the world," I informed him.

"Why, is it too pretentious?" he asked concerned.

"No, you idiot. You look hot."

He relaxed and smiled. "I must say you look particularly stunning."

"Taffeta, Rosalie's way to assure nobody outshines her," I laughed.

"Christmas is in a few days, are you okay? I haven't been too attentive lately," he admitted.

"I'm fine, my new boyfriend is taking very good care of me," I teased.

He gave me a warning glance and said, "I'm not worried."

"A bit over confident, Love?"

He pulled me closer and whispered in my ear, "he'll never find the right pillow."

I tightened my arms around his neck and held him to me as I whispered, "And he doesn't know how to do what you do in the bed."

I could feel him smile against my head and I was in complete bliss. The next song was another slow one and we continued to sway gently to the music. "Bella, we haven't really talked about what happens if we find my son."

"If he has a family you can't remove him, Edward."

He didn't answer and I pulled back to look at him. "Edward, he is only six, and we have no idea what he has been through. If he is in a stable situation you can't pull him out of it."

"What if he isn't in a stable situation? What if he is with people like Jane?"

"Then we marry and bring him home, and give him all the help, love, and support we can."

He shook his head and leaned in to place his forehead on mine. "I don't want to marry you just to raise my son. I want to marry you so I can love you for the rest of my life."

"I know that, Edward. My heart isn't whole without you," I smiled.

"Let's set a date," he said with finality.

I laughed loudly and put my hand over his mouth. "Do you have any idea what Rosalie would do to you, if you upstage her wedding, by setting a date for ours in the middle of it? I would like you to keep your testicles, Edward. I plan on needing those boys to produce our offspring."

The crowd was called over to watch the bride and groom cut the cake. Rosalie had practice about a hundred times, showing Emmett how to gracefully place the cake in her mouth, without ruining her make up or lipstick.

He put his hand on the back of her head and smashed the chocolate cake all over her face. All the men laughed, all the woman gasped.

Rosalie cleared the cake from her eyes with her fingers and looked at Emmett with fire coming from her glare. I instinctively moved to stand behind Edward.

"Come on, Babe, it's a party," Emmett laughed, hoping his dimples would save him.

Rose grabbed a handful of cake right out of the center of the gorgeous creation. Emmett brought his hands up to cover his face, right as she smashed the chocolate lump into his crotch, with the force of a baseball player swinging a bat.

Emmett's eyes shot open in stunned shock as he crumpled to the floor. All the women laughed, all the men gasped.

"I give it a year," Edward whispered to Jasper.

"Naw, six months top," Jasper said back.

"Stop," I laughed. "Bad weddings always make good marriages."

"That is why Jaz and I are not getting married. We don't need the state to sanction our love," Alice declared.

I doubled over in laughter, and Jasper gave me a questioning look as Alice glared at me. "Tell him the truth Alice, or I will," I laughed.

"What?" Jasper said looking hurt.

"She's drunk," Alice said as she pulled him away.

"I have to hear this," Edward said, expecting some juicy gossip.

"She doesn't want to go to the end of the alphabet. She believes the top half has better advantages," I explained.

"I'm lost," Edward said.

"Her last name is Brandon, his is Whitlock. She is not willing to trade B for W and Jasper is too old fashioned to take her name."

Edward looked stunned for a second and then grinned, "That's why you want to marry me isn't it. So you can trade Swan for Cullen and move to the front."

"I really wanted to marry Alice, but it isn't legal here, so you will have to do."

"Do you have any idea the pictures that flashed through my head?" he said as he pulled me close.

"Yes, I do. You just saw Alice and me in a bra and thong hitting each other with pillows, which are either bricks or feathers."

"Why do I put up with you?" he laughed.

"Because I love you in spite of all the shit," I told him in honesty.

Edward's gaze moved over my head and he nodded, "Charlie and Sue just arrived."

I turned to see the concerned face of my father. He walked over to Carlisle, and I watched as he introduced Sue, and then leaned in to whisper to him. They spoke back and forth for a moment and Carlisle called Esme over.

I could feel Edward tense as I held him and watched everything play out in slow motion. Esme smiled and shook Sue's hand. Charlie spoke again and Esme's hand went to her mouth and all four faces turned to search out Edward. Our stares locked with theirs and we began moving towards them.

I moved to block Edward's path and held his face in my hands. "We're together in this, Edward, no matter what. I love you."

He took a deep breath and nodded. "I couldn't do this without you by my side; I am sorry to put you though this. I love you."

I smiled and we turned to walk united to hear the news.


	24. Chapter 24

Name: Shattered Glass

Author: Sdfreeze

Chapter 24

**Characters belong to Stephenie Meyer**

* * *

24

Carlisle and Esme led us to a table, while Charlie and Sue went to greet the bride and groom, who now had chocolate in the veil and all down the white tux.

Edward waved off the waiter bringing champagne to the table, and I knew how badly he would want it right now. I held his left hand while Esme held his right. Carlisle finally spoke to Edward.

"Son, Charlie was able to dig up some pretty interesting stuff on Jane. She was not the child we all assumed she was, she was a first rate con artist. She extorted money from many people using various rouses; faking pregnancies was just one of them."

"Dad, I saw her take the test. It was positive."

"Okay, but she wasn't fourteen, Edward. She was twenty-two at the time. She most likely targeted you for money. We did pay for her living expenses and then again to stay away from you. At the same time she was taking money from vulnerable couples wanting a child."

"Where's my son?" Edward asked.

"The state took custody of a child when she died. He's in a orphanage awaiting adoption."

"Can I legally go get him?"

"You have no legal rights, you gave them up. But we can set things in motion to get that reversed. You and Bella need to work on getting state approval to be foster parents until everything can get settled."

Charlie walked up at that moment and sat down next to me. "Bella, you have to understand what you are agreeing to do. This child most likely has some pretty serious problems. It will put a real strain on you and Edward."

"Dad, I'm going to be a nurse, and Edward is going to be a psychiatrist, we are perfectly capable of handling this."

"Charlie," Edward said, "I know my past choices have consequences and it isn't fair to make Bella pay along with me. But I refuse to think of my child as a burden. I will love him no matter what, just as Carlisle and Esme have loved me. I also know with all my heart Bella is capable of loving him unconditionally, too."

I pulled Edward's hand up to kiss his fingers proudly as he continued, "I guess what I need to know from you, Charlie, is…can you love him as a grandfather?"

Charlie's face looked stunned for a moment and a smile grew slowly. He looked at Sue and she patted his hand. "Well, I never considered that angle," he said with emotion. I threw my arms around my father and thanked him for everything he had done to help us find Edward's son.

"Edward, get your ass up here," Rosalie said over a loud speaker.

The entire room turned to look at us and Edward jumped up and ran to the front to make his toast. He raised a glass high and said, "Rosalie is my cousin and Emmett is one of my best friends. I have watched their love grow over the years into a beautiful commitment to each other. They bring light to each other on dark days, laughter during painful times, and companionship when feeling lonely. Emmett, place your hand on top of Rose's," he instructed.

Rose wiped her tears and place her hand out for Emmett to lay his large palm over hers. They both looked up at Edward and smiled. "Remember this moment, bro," Edward continued, "It will be the last time you will ever have the upper hand."

The room erupted in laughter and Rosalie tried to throw her drink at Edward, but he jumped out of the way.

It was now Alice's turn for a toast and she stepped forward and took hold of the microphone. "I knew Rosalie before she wore a bra, you were what.. five? Six?"

Rose cupped her girls proudly.

"I have known Emmett since third grade, when he got sent to the principle for eating the paste during art class."

Emmett raised his hands high in the air with no shame.

"I asked the wedding planner how long a toast should last when you have known the couple for so long. I was told it should only last as long as the groom can last in bed. So, cheers."

Again loud laughter erupted and Rose giggled as Emmett yelled, "We would be here all night."

The band began to play again and everyone went back to dancing and eating.

Again, I was naïve enough to think we would jump in the car on Monday morning and go pick up Edward's son. It took us over two weeks just to get an appointment with the lawyer who would handle Edward's case.

He told us paternity would have to be established and we would have to prove Jane's fraud. He also warned us that Edward's past could be used against him, and we needed to line up people willing to testify about the changes Edward had made.

It was scary for him to make his past known to people he respected, but he knew it had to be done to bring his son home. During spring break I had the wedding of my dreams. It was simple and intimate and held in Edward's home. I didn't feel emotional at all as I headed down the stairs on my father's arm. I had been waiting for this moment my entire life.

I turned the corner to see a small crowd of people we loved the most smiling at me. My eyes searched for Edward. He stood in the front of the room under an archway of flowers and was grinning from ear to ear. I smiled back and he nodded downward. My eyes followed, and my father wrapped his arms tightly around me so I wouldn't fall.

Standing in front of Edward, wearing a tiny tux and holding a pillow with my ring, was Jake Jr. My tears matched the rain falling outside. I couldn't stop no matter how hard I tried. When Edward placed the ring on my finger I looked at the two bands, one his mother's and one mine's, soldered together with a heart shaped diamond added.

We kissed, as husband and wife, and clung to each other for support to remain standing. Life was too perfect at this moment, and neither one of us believed we would ever feel this way after all the pain we had experienced. I would do it all again, just to end up at this exact moment.

I found Quinn and Embry and thanked them for the amazing gift of allowing Jake to be in the wedding. Quinn smiled and thanked me profusely for the scrapbook I had made. It seemed so long ago I had been working on that to forget about Edward, but it caused him to finally remember, so I was grateful for that awful day.

I made my rounds to various people when Edward called for me to join him by the cake. I looked at him warily and hoped he headed my warning about another Emmett episode. "I have a surprise for my beautiful bride and I want to share it with her now," he announced.

"What have you done, Edward?" I said in fear.

He handed me an envelope and smiled, "Open it."

I tore it open and pulled out a letter. I skimmed through the paragraphs and felt my heart speed up. "Are you serious?" I screamed.

"What?" Rose yelled.

Edward beamed and announced to everyone he was accepted to the University of Washington school of Medicine. Everyone cheered as I hugged him tightly and he whispered in my ear, "I found out you weren't really a Mormon, so Utah seemed pointless."

"How did you pull this off," I asked in shock.

"One of the doctors at the volunteer clinic is on the Regents board. He went to bat for me. Seems my philanthropic nature is just what they are looking for," he laughed. "And my sordid past makes a great story to soften their frozen hearts."

"I'm so proud of you, Edward," I said to his smiling face.

"It will keep us in Washington, for him," he added.

"It will happen soon," I assured him. His eyes grew wet and he kissed me passionately.

We didn't take a honeymoon, since we only had a week to get moved into our house. It was a small rental Carlisle had, with a fenced yard, and lots of kids in the neighborhood. We furnished the house and decorated a room specifically for a six year old boy.

I was busy with finals and ready to graduate when our lawyer called and said Edward was granted visitation. We couldn't bring him home, but we could go see him and begin establishing a relationship. A paternity test wouldn't be necessary, since Edward's name was on the birth certificate. Edward was a nervous wreck and also excited beyond belief.

We met with a counselor at the center and went over the best way to approach things before actually meeting with the boy. It was then we learned his name was J.T., Justin Thomas. We were told he was small for his age, very precocious, and articulate, with a sensitive nature.

We were finally led to a room with a large window where we could see children playing on a sparse playground. Our counselor was called away for a phone call at that moment and we were left to watch the kids.

Edward opened the door and walked onto the patio as I watched him from the window. His eyes were searching for any child who could be a combination of him and Jane. As he stood there with his hands on his hip an African American boy approached him. "Mister, do you know how to tie shoes?" he asked.

Edward glanced back at me and chuckled, "Young man, I just happen to be the worlds greatest tier of shoes." He bent down and the boy smiled up at him.

"These are basketball shoes," the boy said.

"Those are great basketball shoes," Edward assured him, but his brow creased and he looked back at the boy. "These seem really tight, do they hurt your feet?"

"It's okay, I don't mind," the boy answered.

"Why don't I buy you a pair that are a bit larger," Edward suggested.

The boy shook his head back and forth and leaned closer to Edward, "No, the bigger boys will take them from me. They can't fit into these ones."

I brought my hand to my mouth to stifle my sobs and Edward glanced at me with such pain in his eyes. "Tell you what," Edward said to the child, "I'll buy everyone a pair, and you can write your name on them, so nobody will get them mixed up."

The boys eyes got big and he said, "Mister, that will cost almost ten dollars."

Edward laughed and said, "I happen to have an extra ten dollars."

The boy threw his arms around Edward's neck and I watched as he closed his eyes and hugged the grateful child tightly. The boy smiled and picked up a big rubber ball and ran off.

Edward came back inside and pulled me into his arms. "This is excruciating," he said. "None of these children should have to live here. Shoe companies should be throwing free products at places like this. We need to get awareness out there."

I hugged him and loved him even more for his kind heart. "I'll set you up appointments to talk to the large manufactures."

The counselor came back into the room apologizing for the interruption and said, "Let me call J.T."

I quickly wiped my tears and asked, "Can you point him out first, so we can compose ourselves before he comes in?"

He walked to the window and his eyes darted around at the children. "There he is, over there with the red ball."

We stared at the same boy Edward had spoken with. I turned to look at the blood draining from Edward's face as he said in almost a whisper, "It wasn't mine."

I turned to the counselor and whispered, "Are you sure you have the right child?"

The man looked at Edward nervously and asked, "His mother wasn't African American?"

Edward shook his head and said, "No, his father is. He's a heroin dealer from Tacoma."

"You knew him?" I asked Edward.

"Yeah," he chuckled cynically. "Jane was hiding from him when I met her, she said he was her stepfather, but we know what a liar Jane was, don't we."

I put my hand on Edward's shoulder to calm him down and wished Carlisle and Esme were here. "Edward, honey look at me," I said pulling his chin away from the window.

He wouldn't keep my gaze and went right back to staring out the window. His jaw set tightly and he began shaking his head back and forth as he stared at the small boy.

"Bella, he's a child, I don't care who's blood is running through him, he deserves better."

"What are you saying?" I asked him.

He finally moved away from the window and wrapped his arms around me. His face wasn't angry, it was determined and contented. "I'm saying let's do what we came here to do, and meet our son," he pleaded.

I looked at his hopeful face and felt joy begin to fill my heart. I could picture this child in our home, in the room we had prepared for him, and giving him all the love we could. Suddenly, in one instant, this boy became our boy. I couldn't imagine any other child in our family.

I kissed Edward and nodded to the counselor, "We're ready."

The boy seemed so much smaller without the window to separate us. I knelt down to look into his large grey eyes, with his dark skin, and was stunned by his beauty. "Hi, J.T."

He smiled and held out the ball to me. "Want to play?" he asked.

"Sure, can he play too," I said nodding toward Edward.

"Okay," J.T smiled, making my heart skip a beat. He ran over to Edward and said, "Can I win? The big boys never let me win."

Edward laughed and lifted him onto his shoulders saying, "Are you kidding, with those shoes you are bound to win."

It was dark outside, and I was waiting for Edward to come home from studying at the library for some big news. I was pacing in front of our window, and ran into the garage when I saw him pull into the driveway. I was waving my hand telling him to hurry up.

"Where's the fire?" he said getting out of the car.

"Just hurry and come with me." I grabbed his hand and pulled him down the hallway to the door with a dinosaur picture taped to it. I opened it slowly and peeked inside.

"J.T., daddy's home," I said as I pulled Edward into the room. Our little angel sat up in bed, and grinned from ear to ear, displaying a very prominent gap in his bottom row of teeth.

"Did you get in a fight at school?" Edward asked in a serious tone.

"Nope," J.T. grinned.

"Did you forget to brush your teeth?" Edward asked as he rubbed his chin in consternation.

"Nope," J.T. giggled.

"Well, this can only mean one thing, you're growing up," Edward said as he pulled our son from the bed and hugged him tightly.

"Yep, I'm going to be just like you daddy, soon," he said proudly.

"Ugh," I cried, as I pretended to get an arrow shot into my heart, and fell onto the bed.

"Shhh," Edward said, "Let's keep it a secret from mommy."

I watched my two guys interact as J.T. showed Edward the tooth he had hidden under his pillow. "I bet the tooth fairy brings you something extra special, and you know why?" Edward said looking at me.

"Why?" J.T. and I both asked.

"Because Daddy bought you such a great pillow," he winked.

I shook my head at the cheap shot Edward made, when he knew I wouldn't be able to retaliate in front of our boy. I kicked him out of the room, so I could get J.T. back in bed, and glanced up to see Edward watching me from the doorway. I ran my foot over the small pairs of shoes lined up in the closet, making them face in all different directions, other than the front door, and said good night to our precious son.

"I won't be able to sleep now," Edward complained as he stared at the shut door.

"Good, I have a job for you," I said as I walked down the hallway.

"What?" he moaned, sure I would have him take out the trash or change a burned out bulb.

"I'm ovulating, come impregnate me," I yelled from our room.

Edward walked to the doorway and stood with a smile on his face. "Remind me, who are you again?" he teased.

I wrapped my arms around his waist and stared into his eyes. "I'm the shattered glass you picked up along the way."

"How did I get so lucky?" he said with love.

I looked at him with wonder. He saved me, twice, and he was the one feeling lucky. I believed, deep in my soul, other forces were at work when it came to us. Out of all the people in the world, his parents would have picked Carlisle and Esme to raise their son. And if heaven gives you further insight, they would know with certainty I loved Edward with everything I had.

_We_ were lucky, in spite of all the difficulties placed in our path, we made it, together.

He kicked the bedroom door shut with his foot, and we got busy making our daughter.


	25. Chapter 25 outtake

Name: Shattered Glass

Author: Sdfreeze

Chapter 25

**_My mother begged me to write an outtake of Edward's point of view when he remembered. I hate doing this because it is Bella's story, but here you go mom!_**

**Characters belong to Stephenie Meyer**

* * *

Mended Mirror

I hated feeling this way. I was anxious, nervous, pissed, and scared shitless that I was never going to be able to perform in bed again. It all had something to do with her, Bella Swan, and damned if I could figure out what it was.

She was pretty; the type of girl you take home to meet your parents, not the type I was interested in. I didn't want a girlfriend; I wanted an easy lay to pull me out of the funk I was in. I could find solace in a bottle, but Carlisle was testing my piss and blood. I wasn't about to slip up and go back to rehab. I couldn't take another week in that place.

I knew what I had to do; I had to find some easy chick, which was simple with my looks and money, and bang her without thinking about what I was doing. The Swan girl was so damn irritating; always making snide comments that freaked me out.

I knew we were once an item, but that was long ago, and we weren't even together that long. Whatever I felt for her died on that deserted road on the reservation; what the hell were we doing there anyway?

I played her game and showed up for my sentence of being condemned to spend twenty-four hours with her. It got me nothing. She revved my engine, and then left me idling. And what was with the fucking kiss? I felt like I was being sucked into a vacuum and I couldn't control my responses. I think I even moaned, shit, I need a drink.

I left my apartment and headed down the stairs, so I wouldn't have to go past her apartment. I was determined to get Bella Swan out of my head for good. I got to the third floor and saw a hot girl in jogging clothes go through the stairway door, so I followed.

Her ass was tight and her legs were defined with muscles. I pictured them wrapped around me and called out to her, "Hey, sexy."

She turned and looked at me, as I swept the frontal view. She wasn't bad, seemed a little ditzy, but I didn't plan on having a conversation with her. She smiled and licked her lips as she pulled her hair from its ponytail.

"Are you talking to me?" she said coyly.

Who did she think I was talking too; she was the only one in the hallway? "You busy?" I asked, giving her my best smile.

"What did you have in mind?" She said looking me up and down.

"You in my bed," I answered, getting right to the point. I didn't want to waste my time if she was looking for romance.

She laughed and held her finger out to beckon me forward. "I have to shower and then I am up for just about anything."

I almost told her to forget the shower; images of Bella sprang to mind, and I didn't want to go there in my head. I looked at her sweaty t-shirt and nodded as I followed her into the apartment. Her roommate was home; a pudgy, studious looking girl, and I was stuck making small talk for almost twenty minutes.

I learned some valuable information about the girl I would be bedding from the roommate. Her name was Kari, and she just got out of a long term relationship and did not want another one. Could I pick em or what?

She finally emerged wearing tight jeans and a shirt that looked like a maternity top. I hated that damn style. Why were hot girls so anxious to wear billowing material to cover their curves? Oh well, I planned to remove the top soon enough.

"Am I overdressed?" she asked as I led her out of the apartment.

"We can fix that, love," I assured her.

"Do I at least get to know your name?" She asked.

"Kari, I'm shocked," I said pretending to be offended. "I made it my business to know all about you."

Her smile widened and she leaned into me. "You did?" She said, "I haven't seen you around before."

I pulled her to me and ran my hands down her sides, feeling the curves the damn blouse was hiding. "My name is Edward," I leaned in to brush my lips across her ear, "and you'll be seeing a lot of me tonight."

I reached out and hit the elevator button, to head to my floor, as she ran her hands up my chest, then down my back to squeeze my ass. I brought my hands to her ample ass and pulled her tightly against me just as the elevator door began to open.

I gave her one last smile and turned to lead her into the lift. Son of a bitch, if Bella didn't have a guy with her. She looked down; most likely embarrassed she tossed me out for some…

Several things happened at once, making it impossible to know the series of events. I was holding Kari close as I entered the elevator and glanced at the man holding Bella. My mouth went dry and something happened in my brain. It wasn't an electrical shock exactly, but some instantaneous switch kicked on and my mind flooded with memories and emotions.

I was standing on the street, glaring at some greaser as he stepped towards Bella, this guy, the one with his arm on her. I knew he was the same guy, but my mind insisted on making sure. "Hey dude, I said to make him look directly at me. "Did you happen to see the Chicago game today, I missed it and don't know who won."

He shook his head and casually moved further away, dragging Bella with him. His hand was against her back and I immediately thought he had a gun or some sort of weapon. I wanted to rip his throat out. He was touching my angel, hurting her, and my heart began beating frantically.

I leaned my chin on Kari's head so my peripheral vision could keep an eye on the arm he had hidden. Kari took it as an invitation to rub her chest on me and place her leg firmly against my crotch. My nerves were on edge and I almost blew it by pushing her away as I unconsciously said, "Get off of me."

The creep instantly looked at me, as if he thought I was talking to him. I smiled casually and said, "Girls, pain in the ass, aren't they?"

I heard him chuckle as the door opened. I pushed Kari out; keeping her in front of me as I almost ran with her down the hallway. "Have a good night," I yelled back to him, so he would think I had no intention of spoiling his plans.

I knew Rose and Alice were gone for the evening and called the police the second I shut the door. Kari stared in shock as I gave them information. They told me to stay in my apartment, but that was never going to happen.

"Stay here," I said to Kari as I ran down the hallway to press my ear against Bella's door, which had just closed.

I heard her scream and my blood turned to ice. I stood back and kicked the door as hard as I could. I heard it splinter around the lock and kicked it again, and began to panic when it didn't open. I took a running start, and hit it square on with my shoulder, sending it flying against the wall.

I ran to where I saw them on the ground. He was lying on her back, with her ripped shirt in his hand, when I hit him hard. He rolled with me, but I managed to keep my hands on the back of his pants and his hair pulling him to his feet.

Bella was moving, much to my relief, and trying to get air. He had been choking her and that fueled my anger. I went with my momentum and rammed him into the sliding glass door. Blood splattered with the growing cracks in the glass. "Did you touch her," I screamed at him, suddenly terrified more went on inside the elevator than I had assumed.

The guy reached into the front of his pants and pulled out a huge butcher knife. He lunged at me, causing me to back into the glass door, but I refused to let go of him, so we both crashed into the weakened glass. It shattered around me as Bella screamed, the exact same scream she used that night in Forks when she relived that horrible night.

She needed me, and I had to put an end to this guy fast. I pulled him towards me as I lifted my knee, ramming it into his chest. He gasped as the air knocked out of him. I did it over and over again until he was limp in my arms. I dropped him to the floor and grabbed the knife, tossing it past some guys from the floor.

They rushed in as I nodded towards the unconscious man, making my way to Bella. I didn't know what to do for her. I didn't want to traumatize her more by touching her, but my arms ached from want, no need, to hold her.

I put them out to her as I moved very slowly, "Did he hurt you, love?" I asked her, vowing to kill him if she said yes.

She jumped from where she was cowering against the wall and grabbed onto me like a lifeline. My body began to tingle with recognition and I held her firmly against me. My hand went to the back of her head so I could control her shaking.

"Bella, are you okay, please say you are okay." I spoke with my lips against her ear making sure she could hear me from the noise in the room and the sirens coming down the street.

Her entire body was shaking as she cried in my arms. I scooted over to the wall and pulled her onto my lap. I pulled my shirt off and wrapped it around her shoulders, trying to conceal her bra, and saying, "Nobody touches my angel." I rocked her, while the anger filled me, as I thought about what almost happened.

She slowly raised her head to look at me. Her eyes stared into mine and my heart almost exploded in gratitude. Twice now I almost lost her; I would spend my entire life making sure it never happened again.

I could hear the other students telling officers what had happened. I heard our names several times, but my focus was on Bella. When an officer instructed me to let them examine her, she screamed at their touch and tensed in my arms.

I felt like a wild bear protecting a cub, I could easily kill anyone that caused her pain at this moment. I looked at the young paramedic and warned, "Don't touch her again. Tell me where to take her and I will do it."

He wanted her on the couch so I carried her, placing her as gently as I could before telling her, "I have to talk to the police now Bella, you're safe and I will be right here, okay?"

I gave my version of events to the officer as Bella stared at me the entire time. When the paramedic checked her throat I had to look away. I couldn't see the rope burns and remain calm. Another officer came in with a blanket and wrapped it around Bella's shoulders.

My heart stopped when they asked her if she needed a rape kit. I took a step away from the officer ready to go after the guy on the gurney if she said yes. I can't even describe the feeling I had when she said no. I almost began to cry.

I walked over to sit with her and noticed how she instantly relaxed and molded against me. I stared with hate as they lifted the gurney to take the assailant out. I covered Bella's face with my hand, unwilling to let him even look at her again.

I was so relieved when they gave me permission to get her out of that apartment. I wanted her safe, and in my arms, where I could make her believe I would never leave her again. I pulled her to stand, and put my shirt back on, before wrapping the blanket tightly around her shaking body. She grabbed onto my shirt and buried her face in my chest.

I held her, giving her time to cry out her fears. "I knew you were still in there. I knew it," she sobbed against me.

How could I forget her, forget us? She was my heart and soul and I dismissed her every attempt to remind me. I felt sick inside, and at the very same time felt extremely blessed, to be standing at that elevator at just the right moment.

I saw Keri as I was leading Bella out. She looked at Bella with defiant eyes and I tried to trade places with her, so I would be the one to run into Kari. Bella stood firm and stopped in front of Kari instead of moving around her. God, this hurt; images of every girl I flaunted in front of Bella rush through my mind.

Kari stepped aside and Bella told her in no uncertain terms she would never be in her way again. Bella was more of a man than I was; I didn't deserve her.

We got into the elevator with two policemen and I cringed as Kari yelled, "I'll see ya later, Edward."

I saw Bella's jaw tighten as her arm locked around my waist. "You're going to kill me, aren't you Bella?" I asked her, already knowing the answer. The two officers were startled and turned to look at us.

She continued to stare forward, seemingly oblivious to the two men waiting for a response and finally said, "Oh yeah, Cullen, you're a dead man."

And with those words the two pieces of our hearts locked into place making a whole. We looked to each other, in order to see the reflection of ourselves. Time would make us better, but as for now, we were good.


	26. Chapter 26 outtake 2

Name: Shattered Glass

Author: Sdfreeze

Chapter 26

**Okay, mom, this is absolutely it! This is EPOV of Bella kissing him in her sleep and goes along with chapter 4. NO MORE EPOV, so everyone stop encouraging my crazy mom!**

**Characters belong to Stephenie Meyer**

* * *

**Surface Cracks**

I hummed and sang as I made the pancakes, or at least something that resembled pancakes, while Bella curled up on the couch. I could only see the top of her head, on a pillow against the arm of the sofa. I wasn't trying to be quiet, but I didn't try to engage her in conversation either; I had pushed her enough for one morning.

I set the table and made her a plate before walking over to look at her. She was sound asleep and I couldn't help the smile that formed on my face. She looked peaceful, but the dark circles under her eyes told me otherwise.

I finished my breakfast and put Bella's plate in the fridge for later. I wasn't about to wake her up just to eat my awful pancakes. I knew what sleepless nights were like, and if she could find a little relief by having me here I would stay.

I walked over to the couch and looked down on her sleeping body. She was so beautiful in such a natural way. Most of the time she never wore makeup or flashy clothes and I still found her absolutely stunning. I saw her shiver, so I got her blanket from her bed and covered her. She sighed and I couldn't stop myself from running my finger down her cheek. Her body suddenly tensed and she called out my name.

I thought she had woken up, but her breathing remained steady and her eyes never fluttered. I got onto my knees and waited until she called my name again, "Yes, Bella?" I said softly into her ear.

"Don't leave me," she mumbled. I looked closer to see if she was awake, but she continued in a deep sleep.

"No, love, I won't leave you," I whispered.

"I'll try to love you, Jake; I promise to try, come back," she cried.

"It's okay, Bella. You don't have to try, we're okay. You're my best friend," I told her.

"Please breathe," she begged. "I'll love you if you just breathe."

"I already know you love me, be happy, Bella."

She smiled in her sleep and put out her hand. I took hold of her fingers and she closed her hand over mine. It was quiet for awhile, until she tensed and began breathing erratically. "I'm sorry mom, please forgive me."

"Baby, I forgive you," I said into her ear. "I love you, Bella."

"Mommy, I need you," she said with a child like voice.

I had to shut my eyes to block out the pain this was causing me and said, "I'm with you always in your heart," I said in a soft whisper.

Her body relaxed and a slight smile formed on her face. I pulled the covers up more and tucked them in around her. I knew I was getting in too deep. When I talked to my professors about the best way to handle this, they all warned me to stay detached.

Detached was something I had done in my past. I was so detached nothing broke through the walls I had built around myself. I finally turned and leaned my back against the couch and let my mind wander over my recovery. I couldn't pick one moment that caused me the most shame, but I could pick the one I regretted the most. Carlisle and Esme's wedding.

I had lived with Carlisle for three years as a foster child before the adoption became final. I had hit puberty and seemed to be drowning in my personal rage. Every gesture or kind word was taken with offence. I liked Esme right away, I just had a hard time with her acceptance of me. I was sure it was just a ploy to trap Carlisle.

I showed up at their wedding drunk off my ass, and only fourteen years old. I thought for sure Esme would run for the hills. Instead, she hugged me and told me not to worry about participating and only wanted me to have a good time sharing the day with them. During her vows she added a line about taking Carlisle, and his son, into her heart. I should have been grateful, or at the very least quiet. Instead I stormed out of the church.

Esme never once mentioned it to me. When I finally apologized years later she only kissed my cheek and told me she understood. I needed Bella to understand the forgiving heart of a mother. She needed to know her mother would hug her and tell her she understood, if she could.

I turned to stare at Bella and watched the gentle rise and fall of each breath. Her face was so easy to read, even in her sleep. A mask of sadness had taken a firm hold on her features over the past two years since I had first seen her. She suddenly twitched and her eyes tightened as her hand pulled into a fist. I gently rubbed her tight palm and watched it relax into mine.

I really hoped she would agree to move in with Alice and Rosalie. Sure, it would be great for me to have her right down the hall, but I seriously think she would like both girls. Rosalie was a no nonsense woman; she knew what she wanted and how to work to get it. Alice was playful and upbeat, easy to be around. It would be a great environment for Bella.

"I want to die," Bella said with a soft moan, causing my heart to twist in my chest.

"No, love, Edward needs you," I whispered truthfully. "It would break his heart if you died."

"Edward," she repeated.

I leaned down to her ear and her face turned slightly to press against my cheek. I froze and closed my eyes, as the heat of her cheek warmed mine, and I smelled the essence of her. "I'm here," I managed to say with much difficulty.

"Never leave me," she said as her lips ran across my neck. I placed my hand against the back of the sofa to keep from pulling her into my arms. I left my face in her neck and she began kissing mine lightly. Her breathing became irregular, and I could feel the hot air from her panting, sending goose bumps down my body.

I pulled my hands into fists and forced myself to back away from her, but her hands moved to my head and pulled me to her lips, as she said forcefully, "Kiss me, Edward."

I tried to be gentle and hesitant, but her kiss was frantic and filled with need. She opened her mouth wider and I felt her tongue run along my lips, but I refused to open my mouth. I had already crossed a line and I couldn't let this escalate. I let my mouth move in perfect symphony with hers, making sure to let her lead. I wanted this so badly, but I wanted her to be awake when she asked me to kiss her.

I pulled away, both of us panting hard, and watch her body slowly calm and return to its peaceful slumber. I sat back onto my heels as my body continued reeling from the sensation of her. I had to face the realization she was not interested in me, but trying to use me to forget the pain in her heart. It was exactly what I had done.

I had never considered the pain I had caused the girls I had been with. I saw them as just another drug to numb my brain. I looked at Bella and wanted desperately to be someone important in her life, but at this moment I wasn't. I was a momentary distraction, and I knew with a certainty I was going to get hurt.

I turned my back on her and leaned against the couch in despair. My head rested against her pillow and she tangled her fingers in my hair and sighed loudly. It hurt, and not from her hold, but from the emptiness inside her presence left me with. I wanted her to get well, so I could tell her how much I loved her, because I knew it would never work unless she let go of the guilt she was feeling.

I had tried to have a relationship while I was still feeling guilty. I had finally accepted Carlisle and Esme's love and felt ready to let someone else into my life. It was a disaster. I was clingy, then aloof, and constantly looking for fault. I finally had to end it before I hurt the girl any further. It was then I set eyes on Bella.

She walked out of a classroom in the English department and was laughing on a cell phone. I watched as her eyes lit up at the news she was receiving on the other end of the phone. She stopped and leaned against a wall and was using her hands animatedly as she spoke. Just watching her smile made me smile.

I wanted to approach her, but I was too wrapped up in my therapy and wasn't ready. Her face was so easy to read, and it would kill me to be the reason for a pained expression. Watching her walk from class became the highlight of my day.

When she walked into my lab this semester my heart raced for joy, then quickly plummeted when I saw her face. Something terrible had happened. The light and animation, so evident in her before, was gone. She never raised her head and let her hair fall to obscure the view of others. I swallowed hard and looked down at the faint lines on my wrists. She was headed right where I had just come from and I had to do something to save her.

I sighed and reached up to run my fingers softly over my lips, which were already wanting more of her. She mumbled something incoherently and turned in her sleep, pulling her hand from my hair. I shut my eyes tightly to stop the tears from forming. I was pathetic, sitting here like a lost puppy hoping she would eventually want me. I had to force myself to think about her recovery instead of my feelings.

I wondered if I should tell her about the kiss. It would be deceitful to keep it from her, and the thought of telling her made me smile. She was going to be furious, for sure. I knew it would be wrong to tease her; so much fun, but terribly wrong. I chuckled at the thought.

I eventually fell asleep, until a loud gasp from Bella woke me up. I sat forward, and looked back to see her sitting up and staring at me in horror.

"What are you doing here," she asked me.

"I made you breakfast, but you fell asleep," I reminded her.

"That was your clue to leave, asshole," she said as her face turned red from either embarrassment or anger.

I decided at that moment I would absolutely tell her about the kiss, and love every second of her discomfort. "Not when you call out my name in your sleep, it's not," I said trying hard not to laugh.

She looked completely stunned and stared at me in shock. I felt like Christmas was coming early and I was enjoying the anticipation of telling her she kissed me. I actually wondered if she would hold her exact pose and let me run and get a video camera. No, I would have to be content with the memory of her face forever etched in my mind.

I moved to sit next to her on the couch and she consciously moved away from me. "You agreed to let me show you something, go eat so we can go," I said to remind her why I was there.

She stood quickly and refused to look at me as she walked to the kitchen. I enjoyed the view of her short boxers and my mind began to imagine her in mine. She placed her plate in the microwave and asked me if I had already eaten.

A large smile formed on my face as my opportunity was growing closer. "Yeah, three hours ago. I was going to leave but you called out for me, so I stayed for the in-depth conversation."

Her face tightened and she refused to respond. She sat down at the table, so I moved to sit across from her. She was determined not to make eye contact and finally said, "Can you sit somewhere else?"

"Are you sure, because last night you asked me to never leave you?" I couldn't love my life any more at this moment. Her expression was priceless and I wished for the damn camera again. Her eyes finally met mine and she looked like she was going to have a heart attack. She swallowed hard and sat up a bit straighter, gaining the upper hand by causing my brain to register her nipples showing through her tank top. I began biting my thumb nail to keep thoughts of her body out of my head.

"I fly in my dreams too; it is called fantasy, Edward."

There was no way in hell she was going to be able to pull that off. Her words and kiss were much more than a simple dream. "Nice try," I teased.

She tried to deflect the awkwardness back onto me by asking about my wrists. I gave her a brief overview of the cause, getting right to the heart of the matter, without telling her about the mess leading up to it.

I could see in her eyes my story was hitting home. She had considered this and it was terrifying her to admit it to herself. I decided to bring up Jake and force some of the feelings to the surface. I tried to convince her Jake would not have wanted her to 'try' and love him, and her friendship would have been enough.

She immediately shut down and begged me not to push her today. I knew the one thing I could say that she would not be able to ignore or repress.

"I just want to tell you one last thing, and then you can get ready to come see something," I said as I reached for her hand.

Her eyes looked terrified, but she asked, "What."

"You kissed me last night, or this morning rather, in your sleep, you pulled me to you and kissed me." I held my breath as I waited for her response.

I was surprised by the depth of her fury. She jumped away from the table almost tripping on the falling chair and screamed at me, "Don't you ever pretend to be him, ever!"

It would have hurt less if she had simply slapped me. She actually believed I was tricking her and pretending to be Jake just for a kiss. It ruined the entire experience and I felt sick, and angry, inside. I stood quickly and kicked my chair when he touched the back of my legs, sending it falling to the floor.

My mind was spinning with everything I wanted to say, but I was desperate for her to know it was me she called out for. I pointed accusingly at her and yelled, "You weren't kissing him; you were kissing me."

I could tell by her face she knew I was right, and it scared her to acknowledge it ,so she ordered me out of her house instead. This entire morning was not turning out how I expected. I wanted her to meet Rosalie and Alice and that was honestly all I wanted. I could tell by the way she walked to her room she had no intention of coming with me.

I waited a few moments and then listened at her bedroom door for any sounds telling me she was getting dressed. I heard nothing, so I turned the knob. The door was locked and my anger exploded inside of me. I thought back to all the times Carlisle had broken down my door and forced me to do something I didn't want to do, strictly for my own good.

I stepped back and kicked the door hard. She was lying in her bed and I grabbed some jeans off the floor and threw them at her, "You can dress yourself, or I will dress you."

I was breathing heavily, and not about to put up with her smart mouth, when she actually threatened to have her father arrest me. If I was going to be pulled in, it would sure as hell be for more than breaking her door. I grabbed the arm she had pointing at me and pulled her from the bed. I slung her over my shoulder and headed out of the apartment.

It felt powerful ,and exhilarating , and I could feel every curve of her body against mine. I smiled as I headed toward my car, with her squirming and kicking in my arms, because I knew without a doubt this was the woman I was going to marry.


	27. Chapter 27 LAST outtake

Name: Shattered Glass

Author: Sdfreeze

Chapter 27

**This is quite long, but it covers the moment of the accident until he leaves Bella at the Fourth of July party. And I will sign it in blood, this is the very last EPOV!**

**Characters belong to Stephenie Meyer**

* * *

**Broken Shards**

I could feel the warm sensation of fluid dripping down my forehead and I wanted to reach up and wipe it away, but my body was numb. I couldn't focus on anything and could only hear a loud hissing in my head, as if air was escaping from my body.

I blinked to clear my vision and saw my mother. She was staring down at me as blood dripped from her neck onto me. She was dying; her eyes were beginning to shut and I wanted to keep her heart pumping, but I couldn't move my arms or legs. I stared as the light in her eyes faded to black.

I couldn't hear my father, or see him anywhere around me, but a loud explosion illuminated the interior of the vehicle. I saw Bella, lying dead against the seat. It wasn't my mother dying again, it was the woman I loved, and I couldn't help her. A loud agonizing scream ripped from my chest as I faded away.

"Do you know where you are?" a male nurse asked me.

I lifted my hand to push the light he was holding out of my eyes and swallowed, feeling a tube down the back of my throat. "Do you know your name?" he asked me as he stared down at me.

"Fuck you, where's my dad?"

"Who is your father?" he pressed.

"Dr. Cullen, am I under arrest?" I said as I tried to rub the feeling of sand from my eyes. I figured I had been driving while under the influence again. Carlisle was sure to send me back to rehab if I wrecked another vehicle.

The nurse left the room and I felt a brace around my neck. "Shit," I said to myself and went to run my hand through my hair, but nothing was there. I could feel the stubble of new growth and a very sore incision running down the back of my scalp.

I pulled the tape on my face holding the feeding tube, then gagged and choked as I pulled the tub from my nose. I threw it onto the ground next to the bed and let my arms fall in exhaustion.

I don't know how much time had passed when Esme and Carlisle came running into the room. Mom was crying and dad looked scared shitless. "Did I wreck a car?" I asked them.

"You were in an accident," mom said softly.

"No shit, how much trouble am I in?" I said angrily.

"Edward, do you recall the accident?" dad asked.

"Will my legal counsel want me to remember or not?" I said, ready for another round of court appearances.

"Bella is okay, Edward. She was released a few weeks ago," Esme informed me.

"Who the fuck is Bella?" I asked them.

Jasper walked into the room and his big ass smile faded as he looked at my mom and dad's faces. "Tell Mrs. Banner I won't be giving that extra credit report after all, seems I'm a little indisposed," I chuckled.

He bit his lip and looked back and forth between me and my parents. "What?" I finally asked.

"Edward, you are in a hospital in Seattle," Carlisle began, "You had a head injury and things may be a little confusing for a bit."

I looked at the needle running into my arm and smiled, "Narcotics intravenously, what more could I want. Jaz you want a hit?"

"I'll call Charlie," Esme said as tears streamed down her face.

Carlisle nodded so I asked, "Do I have a new lawyer?"

"No son, Charlie is a police officer in Forks."

"Where the hell is Forks?" I laughed.

"It was where you had the accident; we just want to let him know you are okay."

"I'm going to have to go to court in Forks?" I asked a bit confused.

"No, it wasn't your fault. You weren't driving," he told me.

"Who was?" I asked

"Edward what is the last thing you remember?" he asked as he pulled a chair up to my bed.

I tried to concentrate, but nothing specific came to mind. I must have been high for quite awhile to be missing so much time.

"How old are you?" he asked me.

"Almost eighteen," I said in a panic. "I'm still a minor, so tell that paid mouthpiece to save his lecture."

Jasper turned to leave the room and I yelled out to him. "You save it too, dude. Go ahead and walk away, I'm tired of you always being such a pussy."

Jasper stopped walking and turned to look at me. "I have never walked away from you, even when I should have, so while you're lying there why don't you think about that."

My head was beginning to hurt very badly and I had to shut my eyes to concentrate. "I need more meds," I said to my dad.

"I'll get your chart," he said as he turned to leave.

"I don't need you to read my damn chart, I need pain meds, so be useful for once…." I couldn't finish. The blinding pain made it difficult to even speak. I could hear movement in the room, but the pain was consuming me. Finally the medication kicked in and I drifted off to the only place that brought me peace…into darkness.

A round of doctors began visiting my room. All asking me the same things, and wanting to know what I remembered. I didn't think much of it until I realized no lawyers came to visit. I was suddenly anxious to get the hell out of here. The narcotics were good, but I needed the action and excitement of my usual life.

I was able to walk up and down the hallway when Carlisle and Esme finally gave me the hard news. "Edward, we are sending you to a specialty hospital in Chicago," dad said softly.

"I'm not going back to fucking rehab," I screamed.

"We are not sending you to rehab son, I want you to listen very closely. You had a brain injury and you have forgotten things. You are almost twenty- two and a senior at the University of Washington."

I laughed a sickening laugh and waited for them to tell me it was all a joke. I began to feel panicked and tried to swallow the bile rising up inside me. "Your leaving me," I accused them, believing my ride had finally come to an end.

"Son, there is nothing you could ever do to make us stop loving you. We are getting you the best help available," Esme said as she held my face in her hands.

"Don't do this, mom," I begged her. "Don't send me away, please. I won't go out anymore and I will stay away from the drugs."

"Edward, you already beat them, you just don't remember. I will go with you to Chicago, you won't be alone," she promised.

"You lying bitch," I screamed at her. "You're putting me back in rehab and fucking with my head. I'm not stupid. You just want to be rid of me."

Carlisle pulled her from my bed and led her out of the room. "Dad, I'm begging you, don't do this. You liar; you lied to my father on his death bed. You're just a fucking liar," I screamed.

A group of men came into my room to hold me down for sedation. I didn't have the energy to fight them and welcomed the numbing confusion the shot gave me.

Carlisle arranged for a private jet to take me and Esme to Chicago. I stared out the plane window at the large skyscrapers I remembered from my youth. I purposely forced myself to forget the days of going to Wrigley field with my dad or to the area museums for school field trips. Esme tried to get me to talk, but I ignored her as well.

The limo pulled into a small private hospital and I saw a large security desk right inside the door. I turned to glare at Esme and she assured me I was not being held here. I was free to come and go at will, but I was sure she was along to make sure I didn't go.

I walked into a small room which contained a desk, bed, dresser and a bathroom. I could feel the anger rising in me and wanted to throw the small lamp through the window. Luckily a young nurse walked in to 'welcome' me. I smiled and was thankful for Midwestern corn fed girls.

I sat on the bed and patted the spot next to me. She giggled and looked sideways at Esme. "I'm here to see if you need anything," she said to both of us.

"I am in desperate need," I said as I looked her up and down.

"We're fine," Esme said, "But thank you."

She turned to leave and looked back at me when she got to the door, so I winked at her. A few minutes later another young nurse came to the door and looked in. I smiled knowingly and Esme let out a loud sigh, "Edward, please do what the doctors say."

I chuckled and suddenly didn't feel so sad about leaving Seattle. The third person I saw was a white haired man with large jowls. He knocked on the door and walked in without waiting for a response. I lay back on the bed and removed my neck brace.

"Welcome, I'm Dr. Davis and I will be working with you on brain stimulation and memory progression." He held out his hand, but I ignored it.

"You won't be stimulating shit on me," I informed him.

Esme looked embarrassed but Dr. Davis continued on as if I hadn't spoken. "I have read over your history and I think we can help you."

"Well doc," I said as I folded my arms behind my head, "unless you can hook me up with some strong meds, premium coke, or a revolving door of willing and able chicks, I seriously doubt your claims."

"Edward, stop this right now," Esme said harshly.

"Mom, go home. I'm sure some hot nurse at the hospital is fucking dad right now."

She stood frozen her spot and blinked several times to keep the tears at bay. Dr Davis pulled out a pen and began making notes. I laughed and asked, "You wanting the nurse's phone number?"

"I'm surprised you remember being a minor, but still speak so disrespectfully to your mother," he said.

"Surprised? I thought you read my history. I'm beginning to think my dad is wasting his money."

"Do you remember the suicide attempt?" he asked me without even looking up.

I felt my heart speed up and I looked away. "Don't you look away from me you snot nosed punk," the doctor said angrily. My head spun around to glare and him and he smirked at me.

"You're not here to bullshit your way around this place. You are here to work and become functional in society. If you think your wonderful mother is going to schlep your sorry ass around as you play little boy, you are sadly mistaken."

I went to open my mouth, but he raised his hand to stop me and spoke to Esme. "Kiss your son goodbye Mrs. Cullen, and I hope to return a man back to you."

"You're leaving me?" I said, suddenly terrified.

"No, son, I am staying here and I will visit you daily."

"I'm sorry Mrs. Cullen, but visiting hours are on Tuesday and Saturday," Dr. Davis informed her.

I was about to grab onto her skirt and cry like a child, but the sexy nurse came in, so I just turned over in the bed and refused to watch my mom leave.

"Do you need something to help you sleep," the doctor asked.

I smiled at the nurse and replied, "Aside from gorgeous here?"

"You will find the staff here professional and unwilling for fall for your games," he said as he handed the nurse a prescription. "Unpack your things and get some rest. I will see you in the morning."

He left the room and I began unbuttoning my shirt as the nurse stared at me. "What's your name, honey?"

"Kate," she said, still watching my hands make their way through the buttons. When I finished with the last one I let my hands fall without removing the shirt.

"Your turn," I smiled.

She walked up to where I was laying and leaned over to speak directly into my eyes. "When you remember your age, we'll talk about it."

I laughed and grabbed her arm. "Honey, I can make you forget your age."

"You're not the first guy to promise me that, and you won't be the last one to disappoint me. Now, let go of my arm."

I waited for her to get almost out the door when I yelled out, "One month."

"What?" She said, sticking her head back into the room.

"I'll be fucking you in less than one month."

* * *

Everyday was the same; aptitude tests, memory games, and therapy. I scored very high on the tests and usually won every game, but therapy was another issue. I could easily analyze things, but I couldn't feel any emotion attached to anything. Dr. Davis had a new plan.

I walked into his office and he asked me to sit in a chair facing a wall. He turned out the lights and turned on a projector. The first face staring at me from the screen was Carlisle's. "Edward what do you feel when you see this face?"

"The man's a fucking saint. He's a great doctor and…."

"No, Edward, what do you feel?"

I stared at Carlisle and couldn't name anything, so the picture quickly turned to Esme. Again, I stared and could name great qualities, but I didn't feel anything. The next picture was of my mother. I dropped my eyes and sat perfectly still until the screen changed again, to my father. This time I stared at the fence behind him in the picture. The final picture came on the screen and it was a face I didn't recognize.

"Who is that?" I asked.

"I only want to know if you feel anything," Dr. Davis said.

I looked at the girl with chestnut hair and dark eyes. She was pretty and I was about to comment on her totally fuckable face, but something stopped me. I felt weird, almost protective of her. "Is it somebody famous?" I asked the doctor.

"No, do you feel attracted to her, sexually stimulated, a sense of familiarity?"

Something suddenly shot across my mind and I turned to look at Dr. Davis. "Hey, I need to talk to you about something, turn that off," I instructed him.

He exhaled loudly and turned off the projector. "What's on your mind, Edward?"

"I've been here for a couple of months and I haven't masturbated, and there are plenty of hot nurses if you catch my drift."

"Are you having spontaneous erections?" Dr. Davis asked, not seeming too concerned.

"No, you don't get it. Two months, I have never gone two months without sex and now I'm not even jerking off. Something is wrong with me," I told him as panic rose up inside me.

"Nothing is wrong with you, Edward. Your body has had a terrible trauma and you have been on strong medications…."

"I have been high, drunk, and with the ugliest skank in the room, and still been able to perform. This is different."

"Do you want my opinion?" Dr. Davis asked.

"Are you trying to be an ass, or does it come naturally? I asked you, didn't I?"

"Your brain is trying to protect you from a pain you are not emotionally ready to face. As much as women want to believe otherwise, the penis is very much controlled by the brain. Just relax Edward, it will be fine."

When I went back to my room that night I tried to think about past girls I had been with, but nothing put me in an aroused state. I was getting frustrated and upset when my mind wandered onto the face Dr. Davis had shown me. Something about the eyes made my body immediately react. I was grateful to know I wasn't physically unable to perform, but I was still worried about the fact some imaginary person was the only thing able to get it up.

The girl with the chestnut hair became my fantasy for a week straight. I was more relaxed and better able to focus on getting my ass out of this place. I finally realized it was emotion Dr. Davis was waiting to see, so I played the game.

I professed my love for Carlisle and Esme and told him of my fear of being away so long they would forget about me. I think that was fake….but something in the back of my mind told me that emotion was real.

I finally got the green light to go home. I insisted on traveling alone and felt like a kid in a candy shop when I entered the airport bar. I was legal, and could order anything I wanted. I put on my sunglasses and pretended to be sober as I boarded the plane. Luckily I was able to sleep it off before I landed in Seattle.

I was only home for half an hour when Jasper and Emmett stopped by. "You guys have to get me out of here. Let's party, and I mean a lot of alcohol and easy women."

They both looked at each other and Jasper finally said, "We're in relationships, Edward. We'll get a drink with you, but that's it."

"Please tell me you're not still with Alice…you can't be hitting that forever," I laughed.

"Yes, I am. We've grown up and I suggest you give it a try."

"Do you have any idea how long I have gone dry? My dick is starting to call my hand sweetheart."

Emmett laughed loudly and headed out the door, "Let's go by the sports bar, the Mariners are playing."

We watched the game for a bit, but I wanted action and fun; sitting with a bunch of men in front of several televisions screens was not my idea of fun. I headed to the dance floor and looked for anyone with dark eyes.

"Edward, I can't believe it's you," some chick screamed. I turned to see Tanya and thanked my lucky stars. She was a sure thing and I wouldn't have to spend time getting her loosened up with drinks.

"You are just the person I was looking for," I smiled and pulled her to my lips. My body went dead inside. Her lips felt wrong, and my hand even rejected the feel of her hair. I pulled back and took another drink from my glass.

"Let's get a booth in the back," she suggested and I nodded. I stopped by the bar on our way to the back and got a bottle of vodka. I was drinking it straight from the bottle and kept my eyes closed as she ran her hands all over me. I couldn't touch her back. My hands had something specific they wanted and she was not it.

I wasn't exactly sure what happened with Tanya. I woke up in my room, in the middle of the afternoon, the next day. I headed downstairs and right into the disapproving glares of my parents. "I'm an adult," I reminded them, and it felt great to say the words.

"I'm putting you on notice, Edward. If drinking becomes an issue I will put you back in rehab," Carlisle said adamantly.

"I was celebrating," I said hatefully.

"Being carried into the house with your clothing all disheveled is not celebrating. It is drinking until you pass out," he pointed out.

"Fine," I sneered. "I'll tone it down."

I got a call from Jaz later in the day and he told me they were going away for the weekend. A roommate of Alice's lived on the coast and they were going to see her. I was glad they didn't invite me to come. I was heading back to the bar tonight and didn't want to make small talk with some pimple faced coed.

I spent the next two weeks getting drunk out of my mind just to spend intimate time with women. I had no idea what they did to me, but I know I wasn't able to touch them back. My mind retreated to the dark eyes, and it worked, as long as my hands stayed off of the other women.

I woke up one day to find Carlisle sitting on my bed. I knew it wasn't going to be pleasant. I also knew he most likely sent Esme away for the day so she wouldn't have to watch.

"Let's get this over with, Dad," I demanded.

"I'm not letting this happen again," he said. "I'm setting down some ground rules."

"Such as," I said as I rubbed my eyes and tried to remain calm.

"You are going to work at one of my stores, and you will only go out on weekends. If you drink until you pass out again, it is straight to rehab."

"I'll work, but the weekend thing is a deal breaker," I bargained.

"If you can stay sober for a month, I will reconsider it," he countered.

I laid there with my eyes closed waiting for him to leave, but he sat there and waited for me to look at him.

"Edward, is there anything you want to talk about?" he asked me.

I laughed at him and rolled onto my side, "Don't you usually pay people to talk to me."

"There was a time you and I were confidants. You shared all your hopes and dreams with me," he said softly.

"Yeah, that's what I heard, I can't imagine it, but crazier things have happened."

"I love you, son," he said and put his hand on my shoulder.

I remained perfectly still and didn't respond. He finally stood to leave. When he got to the door he said, "We have a fourth of July party at my sisters next week. I expect you to be there and to behave appropriately."

I turned over to look at him, "What other way would I behave?" I smiled sarcastically at him. He shook his head and shut my door.

I worked at his medical supply store for the week and stayed in every night. By the time the party arrived I was frantic for some fun. I showed up with my parents, certain I would not be going home with them. Rosalie opened the door and rolled her eyes at me. "I don't want you going out with Emmett anymore," she said angrily.

"Get more adventurous in the bedroom and he won't beg me to take him," I said as I brushed her aside.

She gave me a hurt look and turned to leave the room so I called out to her, "Beauty fades, Rosalie, but talent lasts forever. I would be willing to teach you a couple of things."

She kept walking and raised her hand to flip me off so I added, "Anytime, you know we are not actually blood related."

I headed out to the deck and grabbed a beer. I looked over the crowd mingling on the beach and suddenly noticed a woman sitting alone on a wooden bench attached to the deck. She looked to be in her thirty's but she was hot. I walked over to look down at her, staring into some very impressive cleavage.

"Hello," I smiled.

She smiled up and me and licked her lips, "Who are you?" she asked.

I leaned over to speak into her ear, "I'm the guy that's going to make you scream with pleasure."

She stood and took my hand, pulling me into the house. I dropped my fingers from hers when the numb, empty feeling, spread through me. I followed her to the library and she pushed me against the door and began unbuttoning my shirt. Her lips were all over my chest and I couldn't stand the feeling.

I pushed her back and tried to smile, but my mouth was trembling. "I need to drink more," I said.

"What?" She demanded in a very angry tone.

"Go fuck your husband and leave me alone," I said and left the room. I returned to the deck and grabbed another two beers. My shirt was unbuttoned but I didn't care. I walked down the stairs to head to the beach.

My eyes wandered to my parents standing with some girl with chestnut hair. The girl turned and our eyes met. She had dark eyes and I smiled at the sight. I looked at her body and smiled wider. This was going to be a fun party after all.

As soon as I got within speaking distance my dad told me to watch the drinking. I wanted to scream at him, but I had to stay calm for the girl. I handed her a beer, pretending like I was bringing it to her all along, but she handed it to Carlisle.

I was angry but I tried to cover by moving in close and letting my body touch hers. I asked her if she was a minor, knowing full well she wasn't.

She said my name and then something about candy. I had no idea what she meant, but a weird feeling ran through me. "Do I know you?" I asked. I let my finger run through her hair then onto her flesh and I felt electricity, not the usual cold I expected to feel.

"We were lab partners last fall," she informed me.

It all made sense now. If we spent time together we were absolutely screwing. She must be the one my body remembered so well. I asked her if she was any good. It was something that just fell from my mouth because I already knew the answer. This girl was worth fucking.

"Does it matter?" she asked angrily.

I wanted to tell her 'hell yeah' it matters. It wasn't like I wanted to take her to dinner, so yeah, it mattered. I leaned in to speak into her ear and the scent coming off of her made my body instantly react. "I just want to know if you're worth a repeat performance."

I didn't move away and when she reached up to touch my neck I almost threw her to the ground right there. "Maybe you're not," she said with hot breath into my ear.

Disappointment shot through me like a drug. Every fiber in my body wanted this girl in my bed. My brain was protecting me from remembering her, from the pain a woman like her usually caused guys. She was a tease, and I wasn't about to waste my time on her.

I stepped even closer and pushed my body against hers, giving me the most amazing sensation. It angered me that I wanted her so badly, so I said, "Tell you what, come find me when it gets dark and I may let you suck me off."

I stepped away and watched as the anger rose in her face and she struggled to calm down. "Don't forget the Dots, sugar," she said hatefully.

My stomach dropped like I was on a rollercoaster. I couldn't understand the feeling she was producing in me. It was like hearing a few notes to a song, but you can't place the words or the melody. I was so close to remembering….something.

I turned to leave and the feeling left instantaneously, so I looked back to see if it would return. Right at that moment Tanya yelled for me. I felt relieved to know I wouldn't be jerking off tonight. I caught her in my arms and pulled her against the erection the brunette had caused, as she kissed me sloppily.

The dark eyed girl called out to me and said something about disappointing her. I sat Tanya down to deal with the psycho when I saw the jealous look on her face. She was beyond jealous, she was pissed too. Maybe I had discounted her too quickly.

"Oh, and one more thing, make sure you have a soft pillow," she said with a smile.

My smile faded as I heard a very faint echo in my head. I tried to concentrate on the words and the voice, but I couldn't bring it forward. Tanya began pulling on my hand and I let her lead me away.

My heart was beating frantically as I watched the strange girl make a plate of food. I didn't know who she was, but one thing was for sure, I never wanted to see her again.

I finally took Tanya out to a car, after grabbing a bottle from the Hale's liquor cabinet. I sat against the back seat with my eyes closed nursing the bottle.

"Edward, can you do something this time? Why is it me doing all the work?" Tanya whined.

"Leave if you don't like it," I told her.

"I just want to do something different, you used to be a lot of fun," she complained and moved to lean against the door.

"Fine," I said and turned to lean against the opposite door. "You do what I tell you to do. Take off your shirt."

She grinned and quickly pulled her shirt off.

I took a long drink and then told her to remove her bra. She gave me a funny look, but went ahead and took it off. "Now play with your nipples," I said without any emotion.

"Are you serious? You want me to play with myself? That is worse than getting you off without any reciprocation."

I laughed and pointed my finger at her over the bottle still in my grasp, "That is a pretty big word, did it hurt?"

She grabbed the bottle and put the lid back on before sitting it on the floor. She crawled over to me and climbed onto my lap. "Come on, Edward. You used to be so good at this, what happened?"

I pulled my hands into fists and had to take a deep breath to control my anger. I looked into her blue eyes, hating them for their color, and said, "Get off me, now."

"Don't come near me again, Edward, I am through with you," she yelled as she put her clothes back on.

I climbed out of the car and headed into the woods towards the beach. I stood and watched the crowd as I smoked a cigarette. I didn't see the girl coming my way until she was right in front of me. It shocked me when she pulled the cigarette from my mouth. I wasn't really enjoying it, but it gave my hands something to do.

"What are you a Mormon, you don't drink and you don't smoke? I'm amazed you spread your legs for me." I wished more than anything I could remember sex with her.

"Am I speaking to Edward Cullen or Edward Masen?" She demanded to know.

I stepped back in shock. Maybe I knew her when I was younger and high all the time? "You freak me out, bitch, but I like the tight shirt." I was surprised I admitted she was rattling me and instantly regretted it. So I added the part about her shirt and could hear my own voice shaking.

"It's nothing you haven't seen before, so grow up."

The echo sounded again in my head and I grabbed her by the shirt to pull her to my face. She looked terrified and I was glad; she looked the way I felt. She turned her head and I saw a scar on her neck. I saw blood dripping from the wound, but when I blinked hard it was gone.

I grabbed her chin and looked at the scar harder, "How did you get that," I demanded.

She pulled her hands up to my wrists and touched the scars there purposefully and said, "Someone loves you in spite of all the shit."

I couldn't breathe and had to get away from her. She scared me and I couldn't stand to be in her presence any longer. I walked away fast, but she ran after me. "Come home with me," she pleaded and I felt like I was going to vomit. I didn't understand what was happening to me and I needed to get somewhere and calm down.

I wasn't even aware of what I said to her, but her words cut like a knife into my soul. "Some tough guy you are, now I know why you sat and waited for the cops to come shoot you. You're a fraud."

Something was building up inside of me and I worried when I grabbed her I would end up really hurting her. She cried out in pain and I let go of my hold to see a scar underneath my hand on her arm. I was shaking from rage or some emotion I couldn't quite identify. I just needed to get away.

"You stay the hell away from me, you whore," I said, trying desperately to get her to understand how close I was to snapping. I walked away again, but she wasn't finished.

"It won't work Edward" she screamed after me. "You can't do this when my love is still in your heart. You can't touch another woman when your heart wants me."

"Oh, God!" my mind screamed at me. She was in a relationship with me; she knows the secrets I won't even admit to myself. She knows what my brain is protecting me from. I had let someone close to me and that realization had me panicked to the point of almost tears.

I grabbed a bottle off the ground and threw it at her, wanting to stop her from speaking to me, from remembering me, and from hoping I would remember her. It smashed against the house over her head and the shards rained down onto her.

The echo began playing over and over again as the sound of glass shattering filled my head. Terror filled my soul as my heart beat wildly and everything became distorted and fuzzy. I turned and ran, without any clue why I was running. I didn't know where I was or what I was doing. I didn't even know my own name.

I saw a car that seemed familiar and climbed into the back seat to calm my racing chest. I saw a bottle on the floor and grabbed it with desperation. I guzzled the burning liquid as fast as I could and welcomed the tears it formed in my eyes. I was back, this was familiar, this was me, and I smiled as the darkness came for me.


End file.
